Thursday, October 16, 2008

My Blogskillz Bring All the Boys to the Yard...

The glory that is Google Analytics allows me to browse the Google keywords that cause people to stumble upon my little blog. Some of them are, frankly, incredible. I love it. Ready? Commentary included, of course!
  • "jdate" (Lonely, single Jews searching for their soulmates.)
  • "sara jay" (Fans of the porn star I met on my birthday hoping for nudie pics)
  • "1 br dupont circle" (Folks looking to move into one-room shacks like mine)
  • "bar-b-quin with my honey" (Someone looking for Rap Snacks!)
  • "bow tied men" (A lady interested in classy gents)
  • "bow to men" (Some subservient woman?)
  • "buckeyes for boobies shirt" (I HAVE NO IDEA. How is this relevant to me?)
  • "cinematic concepts in goodbye lenin!" (College film major)
  • "city wife" (How did you get to ME? My apologies.)
  • "class of spiders daddy longleg where dose it hange out" (Some poor arachnophobe)
  • "day time hooker" (Governor Elliott Spitzer)
  • "feel the power between my legs" (Armageddon fan... or huge perv)
  • "four and a half punctuation" (A grammarian led astray)
  • "glenmont metro and tow" (Some sad Marylander with a broken down vehicle)
  • "is there a city name sweetheart" (Someone hoping I constitute an entire city)
  • "metacarpal contusion" (Some sad sack with a broken hand who hopefully has quieter neighbors than I had)
  • "musical metro" (Not sure... but they no doubt ended up with the story of my attempted murder last autumn)
  • "my sweet babe" (Sweet-talker)
  • "navy wife" (Again with the wives flocking to me for reasons unknown...)
  • "ohio porn stars" (More Sara Jay seekers?)
  • "palin" (There's no way I'm even in the top 1,000 results for this, so someone was REALLY dedicated in terms of vetting their Google results on this one.)
  • "porn star jan b" (PERVS LOVE ME)
  • "sex" (See my comments for "Palin," incidentally)
  • "she makes the city seem like home" (Anberlin fan! Emo kid!)
  • "sole decision" (Someone looking for shoes?)
  • "sweetheart coffee cincinnati" (Beats me.)
  • "sweetheart cupcake i'll be there for sure" (Beats me, part two.)
  • "the machinist schizophrenia" (Christian Bale fan. Or someone with a mental illness. Whichev.)

Text of the Month

"So I have decided, given the current f*cked up state of planet Earth, if McCain/Palin get elected, I am going to start preparing for the end of times... because I am pretty sure all of the shit that is going on right now is stated in Revelations as signs of the apocalypse. I double-checked: It does in fact state, 'If a redneck moose-hunting Alaskan becomes VP, prepare for the end.'"


-My lovely best, Sam


(OBAMA-RAMA, folks!)
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