self-care
Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts

What I Like About Starting a New Year

Sunday, January 1, 2023

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The thing that I like about the new year isn’t that I expect to try to change in a handful of likely unattainable ways. It’s that I know I will change in dozens of unexpected ways both big and small — that no matter how hard I do or don’t try to become someone new in the year to come, I will become someone new, even if just a little. 

Because that’s just how time works. 

No, the first of the year isn’t some magical date upon which everything shifts and resolve steels and motivation appears. But it is a tangible, memorable, measurable date, a marker by which to examine where you were and where you are and where you hope to be. We could do it any time, sure, but most of us don’t; we’re not waking up on April 23rd or September 7th going “Now, what exactly has happened in the last 365 days?” 

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A Letter to My Boxing Friends

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

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A letter to you, my PGB friends,

I’ve never done very well in groups. I was in a sorority in college, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I’ve never felt more out of place, more alienated, more unworthy of friendship. And even though I’ve successfully been a part of multiple friend groups since then, that experience has always stuck with me. It’s become a deep and inextricable part of the story that I tell myself about myself, like it’s a fact — I have brown hair, I have a loud voice, and I don’t do very well in groups.

This year, though, had been the year that I’ve started rewriting that part of my story — and so much of it is thanks to you, the women in this room and the others who have been here throughout the year, even briefly and in passing. Every single person and every single interaction in this gym and on GroupMe and during our social events has taught me not only about all of you but also about myself. 

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What I'm Struggling with "Post-Pandemic"

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

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First things first: I don't like using the phrase "post-pandemic" because we are still very much in the midst of a pandemic, even when it doesn't feel like it. Worldwide, 3.9 million people have died of COVID-19, & the delta variant & others are real & threatening. 

For the purposes of this post, though, saying "post-pandemic" really means "post-quarantine." Now that restrictions have lifted & life largely feels safer (for me as a fortunate, vaccinated, science-beliving American human), I'm struggling a little bit. That feels unfair, doesn't it? We've all struggled enough during quarantine; now we have to struggle coming out of it, too? 

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I Have Hobbies Now

Monday, June 22, 2020

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Prior to the coronavirus pandemic, if you'd asked me what my hobbies were, I would've said reading & writing; I would've said that I don't have any other hobbies. But you know what I haven't done much of of under quarantine? Reading or writing. 

I've read just five books since this began, but four were reread on audiobook, which doesn't seem to count? My lack of writing speaks for itself, too, evidenced by the minimal posts seen here as of late.

Instead, I've been... you know, trying other stuff. I've been working a lot, & while I feel extremely fortunate to be employed, I've been working so much that I don't want to spend any of my free time in front of a screen if I don't have to.

Here's what I've been up to instead.
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When You Have to Cancel Everything To Take Care of Yourself

Thursday, January 23, 2020

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People talk a lot about self-care. Heck, I talk a lot about self-care. Everybody loves a bath bomb & lavender essential oils & a solo movie night.

And I've talked, too, about the kind of self-care that comes with true mental health issues - the times when you need to talk a day off work & sleep for hours, or when you need to force yourself to shower, or when all you can do is zone out in front of the TV & at least make sure you eat & drink.

And then there are times when self-care is just about self-maintenance. About not letting yourself drown. About keeping your head above water until a rescue dinghy comes out to grab you & you can breathe easy again. Sometimes your legs hurt & your lungs are burning while you tread water, & self-care is just making sure you don't let the waves take you under.

And that's where I am right now.
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I Went to a Very-Uncharacteristic-of-Me Yoga & Meditation Retreat

Monday, November 18, 2019

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Even though I now own three decks of affirmation cards, one tarot deck, & multiple crystals, I still don't consider myself into "woo-woo" things. At this point, I'm probably straight-up lying to myself, but you know what? Let me be.

Here's another extremely woo-woo thing for me to have done: At the end of October, I spent an entire Sunday in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, where I was one of a handful of women who participated in Good Karma CLE's RemembHER: A RemembHER Retreat.

It was "a day retreat designed to unearth our stories and reclaim our power; to dust off our bones and greet our truest selves; to release the weight of entombed expectations." And based on that very beautiful but also very vague description, I had almost no idea what to expect of the event.
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70 of My Favorite Ways to Take Care of Myself

Thursday, October 24, 2019

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I've been thinking a lot about the ways I take care of myself: not "self-care" in the trendy "treat yo'self" sense of the term that it seems to have become, but in the true "What do I need in order to be the healthiest version of myself?" kind of way. 

There's nothing I love quite as much as a good list, so I recently started keeping track of them all... & thought I'd share them hear with you.
  1. Take a really hot shower... & sit down in it!
  2. Do a clay face mask. I like this one from Revive, a Cleveland-based company.
  3. Lose myself in a good book
  4. Buy a plant. I'm partial to small succulents.
  5. Put a cold towel on my face.
  6. Put a heating pad on my back.
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Smile Big: I Got My Two Front Teeth Fixed!

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

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A few months before Mike & I got married, I chipped one of my front teeth. Again.

That’s right, my front teeth were already slightly chipped, & then I went & made it worse. How, exactly, did I chip my teeth not once but twice? Good question, I have no idea.

OK, I know one of the answers: The first time, I bummed one of my front teeth on one of Mike’s front teeth when I went in for a kiss. On our fourth date. Not embarrassing at all.

The second time, though, I was standing in my driveway, talking to friends, when all of a sudden, I felt a little piece of my tooth come loose. When I spit it out into my hand, conversation stopped. “Did you just chip your tooth?” a friend asked. “And… how?!?!”
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Sweat It Out: My Experience in an Infrared Sauna with Color & Sound Therapy

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

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I've never been a big salon-&-spa kinda gal. I can count on two hands the number of times I've gotten my nails done in my life; I get my hair cut about once a year, & I have it professionally colored approximately never; I get massages here & there, & I recently tried cupping, but I've never had a facial or done any other kind of spa services.

All that to say that when I had the opportunity to book an appointment with j. bellezza, a local boutique, salon, & beauty lounge, to try an infrared sauna session, I was really excited about it... but I had no idea what to expect. I'd never done a regular sauna session, much less an infrared one!
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I Tried Cupping - & Maybe You Should, Too

Friday, September 6, 2019

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I've wanted to try cupping ever since I first saw those weird, circular marks on Michael Phelps's back during the Olympics in 2016. I've tried massage, obviously, & I saw an acupuncturist with some regularity when I lived in New Hampshire, but nothing seems to give me satisfactory or lasting relief for my ongoing back pain.

A few months ago, I got a massage at Studio 888, a relatively new wellness studio in my neighborhood owned by Dawn St. Leone, a licensed massage therapist. It was a great experience - soothing, relaxing, & professional - but it still didn't provide me the depth of relief I hope for, by no fault of Dawn's. I just have a tricky body, I think. Bummer.
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Just 3 Small Goals for September: Wiping the Slate Clean

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

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I'm going totally rogue this month. First, I admitted to you that I read a whopping zero books in August, & now I'm admitting that I accomplished basically none of my monthly goals - for the second month in a row. Instead of listing them here & explaining myself & feeling bad, though, I'm just going to set some new ones & move forward.
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How I Psych Myself Up to Conduct Interviews for a Magazine

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

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I am terrified of speaking on the phone - which has never been a great quality for a writer to have. In fact, it's the reason I became a writer & not a reporter, why I work in social media instead of, say, public relations: I am great behind a laptop, but put a receiver in my hand (OK, or a cell phone, it's 2019), & I start shaking in my boots.

In recent months, though, I've started to take on more freelance writing work, & more freelance writing means more freelance reporting. And you know what that means: more phone calls.

Recently, I've identified a few key elements of my pre-interview routine, things that help calm me in moments when I might otherwise feels panicky. Some people have asked me what it's like to conduct interviews, so I thought I'd share! Before interviews I...

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How I Reward Myself After a Workout (a.k.a. How I Convince Myself to Do the Damn Thing)

Monday, October 22, 2018

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Look, working out is hard, & I still hate anything that isn't cycling. I'm only a few months into my attempts to get healthier, & I'm still very far away from feeling healthy or in-shape or like I'm doing half of these things right at all - but it's important to start somewhere, & at 34, I figured it was better late than never.

Still, when you've gone 34 years without working out ever much, you may find that you need to entice yourself a little. Here are just a few of the ways I've come up with to trick myself into reward myself after working out.

Stretching at the End of Class
Each class ends with three minutes of guided stretching, though they're not mandatory. As soon as the ride ends, lots of people hop off their bikes & head out - but when I began, I promised myself that, unless I was really under a time crunch, I would always stay for the stretching portion of class.

My favorite stretch is one where you unclip one shoe & bend your foot & knee up onto the handlebars, then lean in at the waist to stretch out your hips. Aaaahhhh. Sometimes, when class is kicking my ass, I think about how, soon, I'll be able to do that stretch I love so much.

A Healthy Meal
I'm trying not to reward myself with food, but I think a healthy food reward is OK, especially when it's something I wouldn't make at home.

When I first started working out, I told myself that each time I went to a Harness class, I could also get dinner from Boaz Cafe, a fast-casual Mediterranean place I love. Sure, it meant I was spending more money than usual, but if that was what it took to bribe myself into working out, so be it - & their loaded lentil bowls are so delicious and so good for me.

A Little Tip
At the recommendation of my friend Ashleigh, I downloaded the Tip Yourself app & pay myself $5 after each ride. The money comes right out of my bank account & is held by the app until I withdraw it.

I haven't yet decided what I'll do with the money I save - invest, buy something nice, put it into my actual savings account? - but I love the idea of rewarding myself monetarily for my workouts, even if it does come from my own wallet. Pay yourself first, they say!

A Really Hot or Cold Shower
A shower isn't so much a reward as it is a necessity, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel rewarding to wash away all that sweat & grime. Sometimes, a reaaaaally hot shower is exactly what I need to melt away some of the soreness; other times, I want a borderline-cold shower to rejuvenate me, wake me up, & help me feel alive again. Either way, they feel great - &, yes, totally rewarding.

A Good Cup of Coffee
As perpetually sleepy as I am, workouts sometimes make me tired instead of waking me up. After class, I let myself enjoy a soy latte or an iced coffee (no crazy, sugary drinks, though!) to slowly bring me back to life.

Sure, I could make them myself, but, uh, I'd rather the staff of a cute coffee shop make it for me. Luckily, both of my studio's locations are next to great coffee shops: Pour downtown & Rising Star in Hingetown, plus my favorite spot, Civilization, which is on my drive home. If there's one thing Cleveland doesn't lack, it's good coffee!

Bath Bombs
I've never been a fan of baths, but once I started riding, especially in the beginning, I needed to relieve sore muscles. I started soaking in Epsom salts & using bath bombs to make the experience more soothing & satisfying.

My favorites right now come from Puget Sound Soap Shop, an Etsy shop run by my Internet friend Stevie, who sent me a few to try. Unfortunately she doesn't have any for sale right now, but she also sells really amazing handmade soaps! I also just ordered a few geode bath bombs from the incredible Lesley Saligoe Botanicals.

Legs Up the Wall
I'm trying to get better about stretching, generally, but this alleged yoga pose hardly feels like work or exercise. You just lie on your back & rest your legs against the wall, straight up in the air, to help with circulation & alignment... & damn, it feels so good. It also usually means I have to vacuum my carpet first, but that also feels worth it.

Tell me: How do you reward yourself after workouts? Anything I should add to my repertoire?

Disclaimer: I received three bath bombs & a soap from my friend, who owns Puget Sound Soap Shop. All opinions are my own.
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I Went on a Self-Care Retreat - Yes, Really

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

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I'm not a woo-woo kinda gal. I don't, like... feel in touch with the universe, or whatever. I don't look down on people who do, it's just never felt like my jam. Sure, I bought sage to smudge my apartment, & before a recent doctor's appointment, I bought a crystal quartz to take with me, & yes, I recently bought the The Universe Has Your Back deck

And, um, OK, maybe I'm a little bit more into the universe than I thought I was - but still, I am fairly cynical & jaded & not really a sparkles-&-inspirational-quotes kinda gal or even, hell, much of a hugger.
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What I Wish I'd Known about Self-Care in My Twenties

Monday, October 8, 2018

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My college friend Tara is an established self-care coach & speaker who founded The Self-Care Suite, which "creates affirming spaces for women to flourish." She's also the founder and chief creative curator of The Bloom Beautifully Box, a self-care subscription box for women (currently on hiatus). In other words, Tara knows self-care.

Recently, she posed a question in the Facebook group she runs:
"I’m doing my first self-care workshop for young women (ages 19-22) this week and I am so excited to be spreading the gospel to women at the very beginning of their journey. Tell me: What do you wish you had known about self-care back in your early 20s?"
My response was long-winded & not posted in time to be of help to Tara. Still, it got me thinking, feeling, remembering - so I thought I'd share it with you here.

What do I wish I had know about self-care back in my early twenties?

I wish I had known & really internalized that self-care isn't just for older women, or career-established women, or women with kids. Self-care is for everyone - maybe especially twentysomethings, who are way more overworked & overwhelmed than the world seems to acknowledge.

We expect them to do everything, & to do it with enthusiasm, without recognizing the strains & stresses these expectations put on their fragile ability to balance it all. At that age, I was running myself ragged with work, school, side gigs, a social life, & trying to learn how to be an adult. I had more than one anxiety-induced meltdown that left me feeling completely useless & hopeless & horrible.

Two such memories stand out. In college, I quit my newspaper beat - the prestigious administrative beat, which had made me the senior-most non-editor reporter on staff, with regular access to the university president & other execs. There just weren't enough hours in the day, & I couldn't do it all without letting something fall behind - it was either my deadlines or my grades or my sanity. I beat myself up about quitting, sure that I was a failure & a disappointment who would never amount to anything. I was reassigned to a more flexible beat, but I was embarrassed to show my face in the newsroom around colleagues who seemed to be able to balance all so much better than I could.

In my second year of work, I was asked to travel on a whim to accompany the head of our company on a meeting with the ambassador to Israel. It was a huge responsibility, & I was honored - but I was also petrified. I had a ton of work on my plate in the office, & I didn't feel that I had the time to take this trip and complete my everyday work; I didn't think I would be given leeway on the latter, & I didn't feel as though I could ask for it. I remember this time so vividly because it was the first time I had a panic attack, though I didn't know what to call it.

I felt I was too young to "deserve" self-care or downtime or relaxation or a mental health break.

In my mind, self-care was for other people. I hadn't yet proven myself at work, hadn't worked enough hours, didn't have the excuse of being a mother or a wife, should've simply been able to handle it all by myself. I though that if I admitted that I needed a break or to take some time for myself, I would be chastised or looked down on or ridiculed, whether publicly or behind my back. I was certain it would hurt my career, my friendships, my professional relationships, & my social standing. Self-care seemed like a detriment, not a necessity.

In short, I thought I had to earn my keep in order to earn the right to rest from the pressures of daily life. 

Now, at 34, I know this is not true, & in retrospect, the way I treated myself in my early twenties is one of the main reason I focus so heavily on self-care & mental health today. I can very obviously see how the stress of daily life weighed on me & so negatively impacted my mental health when I was young - in a go-go-go mentality, an amped-up social life, never saying no to any opportunity or possibility, even when I was maxed out. I worked long, late hours; I ate dinner at work, usually Taco Bell or Chipotle; & when I did have free time, I spent it drinking with friends, not taking care of myself.

These days, there's nothing I value more than a "mental health day," be it a workday I'm taken as vacation or simply an unscheduled weekend to myself.

I understand the value of quiet time, just for me - in listening to my body & my mind & my emotions & figuring out what they need in order to operate at full capacity.

I see how health & wellness play into the whole self-care picture, how exercise & movement & healthy foods are related to my overall well-being.

I know that a pizza & a Netflix binge are, in themselves, not sufficient acts of self-care - except for the times when they are.

I see the maintenance of my friendships & other relationships as vital to my own ability to thrive & to feel supporter, loved, & surrounded.

I try not to feel guilty about needing more sleep than the average bear, especially since being diagnosed with a rare sleep disorder.

With all of this in mind, what would I, at 34, tell young women today who are struggling with self-care?

I hope young women today truly take in the lesson that self-care is for them, too - that they are deserving & worthy of mental, physical, & emotional health simply by virtue of existing.
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Why Am I So Hard on Myself?

Monday, July 9, 2018

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I took a 9:30am Harness Cycle class last Friday, cutting a little bit into my work day - but because I had a light workload for the day & had worked late the night before, I didn't think too much about it. It was also the Friday of a holiday week; who can concentrate then?! 

While in class, though, I started to feel guilty for taking time off work without telling anyone - yes, despite the fact that most of my work was already done & that I was still working the right amount of hours for a regular workday, just slightly out of order. As I rode, I started to beat myself up: What if someone needed me? What if someone needed me & I wasn't around & they thought I was a terrible, constant slacker? What if someone needed me & couldn't find me & told my boss & I got in trouble?

Who, whoa, whoa, self. Calm it down.

The ride continued, & my mind kept going. I started to fall into one of those weird brain spirals, the kind that has you second-guessing everything you do or have ever done: Why can't I wake up earlier to go to a class before work? Why do I stay up so late?Why am I so shitty at being adult?

And it was there, finally, that I was able to stop myself: Hey, wait, I'm not a shitty adult!

But I sure do like to tell myself I am.

I've been feeling out of shape lately, & I've eaten one too many slices of pizza in celebration of summer. What a slug, I told myself. But I've been working out - hard - two to three times for the first time in my life. Give yourself some credit, I reminded myself.

I've been feeling a little bit unsettled at work lately, & I have a a pile of stuff to edit, plus a webinar I haven't yet written an outline for. What a slacker, I told myself. But I've been doing a ton of work on our action around family separation, trans rights, & gun violence prevention, among others. Give yourself some credit, I begged myself.

I've been feeling like a totally unsuccessful writer lately, & I've got a freelance piece due on the 16th that I haven't started yet. What a procrastinator, I told myself. But I just finished a 1,200-word personal essay on mental health, to very positive feedback (& minimal changes!) from my editors. Give yourself some credit, I implored myself.

I am so quick to chastise myself, to insist that I could be better. I could exercise more, I could eat healthier, I could be neater, I could clean the bathroom more often, I could wake up earlier, I could go to bed earlier, I could do more work, I could work more hours, I could save more money, I could, I could, I could, I could.

But what about all the things I'm already doing?

What about the cycling classes I've finished & the work I've completed & the freelancing I've done & the activism I'm engaged in? What about the three blog posts a week & the mostly-clean apartment & the loving marriage & the relationship with my mom & the money in my savings account? Why am I so quick to dismiss my successes - even the small, everyday ones?

Life is a challenge - all of it, for all of us - & those small successes deserve our recognition & appreciation as much as the large ones do. When you put them all together, they're one big success. They're a life.

For someone who has struggled with mental illness, especially, it's all too easy to insist that I could be so much better. In that moment, though, in the middle of that ride, I thought to myself: I am pretty damn good.

And now I just need to remember it - like, all the time.
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Walking Out of the Theater Mid-Movie & Not Feeling Bad about It

Thursday, January 25, 2018

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We'd been planning it for awhile: A few friends I were going to see the 10pm showing of The Room at The Cedar Lee, a local indie theater, so that we'd have the background to see The Disaster Artist, for which James Franco (ew) just won a Golden Globe. 

I, for one, had never even heard of The Room. I had no idea it was a thing at all, much less a cult classic of a thing, despite the fact that it came out my freshman year of college. It's been widely panned & repeatedly named "the worst movie ever," & I was excited to give it a watch. I love me some terrible pop culture.

Before the show, eight of us met up at Boss Dog Brewing Co., a newish brewery on the East Side within walking distance of the theater. The food was decent enough but wildly overpriced; luckily, the beer & the company made up for it. 


The group split (only four of us headed to the show), & as we settled into our seats at the Cedar Lee, I remembered just how much I love going to the movies. I never seem to do it anymore, despite the fact that in my New Hampshire days, solo movie-going was one of my favorite activities. In fact, I think I only went to the movies one time in 2017!

We'd been told that this movie was a bit of a cult classic in the vein of Rock Horror Picture Show, but I'll be honest: I didn't believe it. Having never even heard of this one, I figured it couldn't be that popular. A stranger gave us plastic spoons upon our arrival - apparently some spoon-throwing occurs during the show - & before the lights went down, Mike whispered to me, "Do you think this is the kind of movie where people heckle?"

As soon as the credits started rolling, it became clear that it was. 

Every time actor/director Tommy Wiseau's name hit the screen, the crowd screamed - & it wasn't just during the credits. The audience yelled so loudly during the movie itself that we couldn't hear the (clearly terrible) dialogue, relying solely on the (clearly terrible) sex scenes to determine what was going on. But of course, the worst movie ever is unlikely to have an easy-to-follow plot, & so we just... had no idea what was happening, aside from some really bad acting.

More disturbingly, the crowd continued to yell some really vile things at the screen. There was a lot of "Slut!" & "Whore!" & "Tramp!" While the lead female character was, yes, of fairly loose sexuality, I was really uncomfortable with the sexual slurs being screamed throughout the theater. Heckling is one thing; misogynistic heckling is another.

The movie had been on for less than 15 minutes when I leaned over to Mike & asked if he wanted to leave; he said no. The movie had been on for less than 30 minutes when Mike leaned over to me & asked if I wanted to leave; I said yes. We apologized profusely to the other couple we were with, & then we ducked out, calling a Lyft before we'd even left the theater. 

The only thing we felt bad about was bailing on our friends & this long-planned evening. Otherwise? If I'm being being honest, we felt great about leaving. We got home before 11pm, & by the time the show got out, we'd already been home & in our pajamas for nearly an hour.

That night, we reclaimed our time

Society teaches us that there's little worse than being a quitter. We're taught we should push through, carry on, continue regardless of how it makes us feel or whether we're enjoying ourselves. It's why kids are pressured not to give up activities their parents have forced them into. It's the reason people have such guilt when they put down a book they aren't enjoying, even 100 pages in. 

When it comes to such trivial matters, though - in this case, a $7 movie ticket to sit through two hours of an agonizing experience, why bother? It's one thing to quit a job or a major project or something you have to do - but there are so many things that we have to do. Why force ourselves, in the rest of our time, to do things we don't want to do? 

If I watched The Room under different circumstances - maybe tipsy at a small gathering with friends - I bet I'd think it was hilarious. But I hated the experience of watching it in a public viewing, & I have zero guilt whatsoever about getting the hell out of there & doing something more enjoyable with that spare hour.

Have you ever walked out of a movie?
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What Do You Do When You Can't Do Anything Right?

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

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I'm having one of those weeks where I feel like I just can't get anything right.

Do you ever have days - or weeks, or months - like that?

I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that it's a little bit of everything: work, wedding, diet, home. All I want, quite honestly, is to crawl under the covers & mope & feel sorry for myself for a little bit, but I've got so much to do in the next few weeks that that's not feasible. Instead, I've got to slog through it & hopefully rebuild my confidence a little bit in the process so that I don't get stuck in a rut.

Here's how I tend to do it - but I'm open to suggestions & additions, so hit me with your best pick-me-up tips!

1. Power through my to-do list.

The more organized I am, the better I feel, so when I'm feeling down, one of the best things I can do for myself is to feel very in-control of as much as possible. Even if that means working after hours or staying up late to get everything done, well, it feels worth it when I don't feel stressed about how much I have to do - which usually only serves to make me feel worse about myself.

2. Indulge in some self-care.

I know everyone Gen X & older seems to roll their eyes at this phrase (after a particular incident, I no longer mention it at work), but I believe self-care is important - & it's not all spa days & eat-the-donut, either. At its base level, self-care is about taking care of yourself, & so, during times when I'm feeling down, I try to do things that will make me feel better, both about myself & generally, from getting enough sleep to getting all my work done to reading a good book to, yes, the occasional home facial.

3. Be kind to others. 

When I feel like all I ever get is negative feedback, I try to provide positive feedback to others & hope that some of it rubs off on me. Maybe that just means saying thank you to someone who holds the door for me, or shooting off a quick, "You did a great job on this!" email to a coworker, or giving a small compliment to a stranger. The nicer I am to others, the nicer I can be to myself.

4. Vent to someone who gets it.

I really try not to complain to much, & when I do, I spread it out among friends so no one ever hears too much negativity from me. When I'm having a rough day or difficult moment, I think for a little bit about who might understand how I'm feeling & why, or even just the one who can surely pick me up with a funny story of gif. I'm grateful to have friends who will talk me through it or even just let me send a wall of angry text before we move on to happier topics. Word-vomit is incredibly cathertic.

5. Look to the future.

Just today, my Twitter friend Nneka shared some wisdom: "This day did not start off well. But thankfully, as my spiritual advisor always says, at any point you can start your day over." This tweet felt like a freaking revelation: Just because it's been a bad day/week doesn't mean it has to remain a bad day/week. Keeping my focus on moving forward toward the positive - whenever that comes - always helps me to remember that I won't always feel the way I do right this moment.

What do you do when you're feeling down on yourself? Got any tips for me? 
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My 7 Necessary Self-Care Tricks for Busy Work Weeks

Thursday, August 17, 2017

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In a work meeting on Monday, one of my coworkers gave a short shpiel thanking all of us for the work we had already done this week & were preparing to do in the days to come. You see, I work for a Jewish organization, & in the wake of a rally full of literal Nazis, we had a lot of work to do: statements to write, members to check on, campaigns to get off the ground, content to prepare & share... we knew we had a long, full week ahead of us.

As my coworker spoke, she reminded us all to take care of ourselves personally while we were working so hard professionally. I chimed in with something to the effect of, "Self-care is important during tough times!" She rolled her eyes & responded, "No, it's not self-care, you millennials. Just do what you need to do to take care of yourself." OK, well, that's what I meant. Isn't that what self-care means?

I think self-care is important, & maybe it is a millennial obsession, but since when is focusing on our mental & emotional well-being a bad thing? Perhaps the generations before us don't focus on self-care enough!

Look, this week has been really hard. It's been a lot of work, & only a little bit of sleep, because when I'm anxious or busy, I don't sleep very well. It's emotionally grueling, too, to keep up with the news cycle when the news cycle is all about racism & anti-Semitism & hatred & bigotry & the list goes on.

Here's how I deal during difficult weeks:
  1. Keep easy food on hand. I don't really cook - like, at all. When I'm busy, I make even less effort, which usually results in ordering takeout or buying chips from the bodega down the street & subsequently feeling like utter shit. This week, wary of falling into that old trap, I ran to Target & bought frozen veggie burritos & a few Lean Cuisine pizzas. Are they the healthiest? No, but they're way better than ordering Domino's or binging a bag full of Cheez-Its - & they're just as mindless, so I don't have to put in much effort.
        
  2. Sneak naps on my lunch breaks: I don't usually take lunch breaks, actually, but on busy weeks, they're a must - & when I've streamlined a meal plan like that, I need less time for lunch, which means lunch breaks become nap breaks. Sometimes even 15 minutes of shut-eye can calm me down & rejuvenate me so I feel ready to get back to work. Perk of working from home!
        
  3. Don't underestimate the power of a shower. During particularly busy work weeks, I tend to work through times that should include taking a shower & sprucing myself up & becoming a real person. When I do finally take a moment to clean up, the result is almost always a complete 180. Even if it's temporary, it's important. Again: perks of working from home, I guess, though, is it a perk to not have to prioritize personal hygiene?
       
  4. Find a mindless TV show to binge while I work: I love to keep the TV on (or more specifically, my iPad), while I work, but I can only work through really brainless shows. I just finished the first season of the CW's Riverdale, a sinister take on the Archie comics, & now I'm back to watching season three of The O.C. Oh, & amidst it all, my guilty pleasure Bachelor in Paradise started, so maybe it's my lucky week, after all!
     
  5. Read a book: During weeks like this, I end of working well beyond standard office hours. Still, I try to take time for myself where I can, even if that just means reading a book during bathroom breaks or for a whopping five minutes before bed. Right now, I'm reading Nathan Englander's What We Talk About When We Talk About Anne Frank, a book of short stories that isn't necessarily light-hearted, but it is incredible, & it feels incredibly appropriate for the times, too. It's nice to get lost in something that's not work.
     
  6. Seek out support: This might seem like a no-brainer, but I think that I, at least, tend to forget about it or downplay how much it matters, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I tend to think I ought to deal with it by myself - but why? That's what friends, family, & fiancés are for. When someone asks how I'm doing, I am honest without being a whiner or a downer, which opens the line of communication to talk a little bit about where I'm at & get a little bit of support.
      
  7. Know my limits: I've said no to a few things this week. I said I couldn't take on an additional project request from a colleague; I told Mike I needed to go to bed early instead of doing date night. I haven't bailed on everything, but during weeks like this, I try to pay attention when I'm feeling overextended, recognizing that time is a precious resource when things feel hectic. 
The world's a scary place right now, you guys. Take care of yourself. And tell me: How's your week going? How do you get through particularly busy weeks?
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How to Make It Through a Tough Week

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

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I haven't been having a very good week. Actually, I've been having a really bad week. It seems like, today, it's starting to turn around - but I'm always wary of saying so lest things actually get worse.

But I'm trying to work on changing my perspective, finding the good within the bad. It's surprisingly helpful, actually, & it makes me feel grateful even when I'm feeling down.

For example...

I've had a couple of really difficult days at work that I won't go into here, but at least I have a job I love that pays all the bills. Fortunately, bad days/problems there are few & far between, so when they do arise, they're at least a little bit easier to swallow.

All I wanted to do last night was crawl into bed early, but I had to clean our place because company is coming. Now, though, my home is clean, & tonight, we'll welcome two of my very best friends into town as they pass through on their way to Chicago.

I've been really low on cash lately because I'm paying off my credit card debt while trying not to go back into debt - but at least that means that, at some point, I'll be able to say I'm debt-free, & my paychecks will go right to me, not to my bills.

I feel wayyy behind on wedding planning (check out my last update), but I know it'll all fall into place by the big day. I mean, it has to, right? And when that time comes, I'll walk away married to my best friend, which is all I really need or want.

My weight is at an all-time high, which I don't feel good about, especially in the lead-up to said wedding, but I'm still mobile, capable, & strong. I've been doing workout videos, trying to move more, cutting carbs, etc., & most importantly, reassuring myself that I have value no matter how I look or how much I weigh.

For all these reasons & more, I've been struggling with depression & anxiety again, largely in the form of low self-esteem & a lack of confidence, which is a really weird thing to experience at 32 - but I am taking my medicine, practicing self-care, learning on my support system, & trying my best to take care of myself.

I'm reminded that mental illness is a lifelong struggle - that just because I overcame it once doesn't mean I'm not susceptible to it again or that life is not a happily-ever-after. But I know how to cope now, & I will not be taken under by my lows. I am so much more than my bad days, & a bad day or a bad week does not a bad life make.

And here's a small list of additional good things, because I find that writing them out helps me to appreciate them more:
  1. It was roasted red pepper soup day at my favorite coffee shop.
  2. My favorite barista introduced me to toddy, a super-strong iced coffee.
  3. I bought a bright green, patterned shirt yesterday that I love.
  4. Today is the summer solstice, but it's sunny, breezy, & not too hot.
  5. I'm rereading a very chill, readable YA series from my childhood.
  6. The cats have been super-extra-cuddly since we returned from a weekend trip.
  7. I'm meeting a new blog friend for tacos tomorrow night.
  8. I bought a bottle of my favorite mead at yesterday's farmer's market.
  9. I found an inspirational rock outside today?
Hey. Sometimes it's the littlest things.

Good luck gettin' through the week, friends.
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