Welcome (or Not) to New York. It's Been Waiting for You.
Tuesday, December 13, 2022

I was supposed to go to New York City last weekend for what would've been my first visit since spring 2019. It was the third time in three years that I have canceled a planned trip to the city.
I don't know why, but visiting New York seems incredibly overwhelming to me post-pandemic. Obviously many, many other people live there, and they're managing just fine, but to me, New York seems very much like the before times, like a different version of my life wherein I was a different person who had different abilities that I have now inexplicably lost.
I used to pride myself on how easy it was for me to manage in New York, even as this lifelong Midwesterner who should, for all intents and purposes, have absolutely no idea what to do in a city that damn big. It always felt normal to me, the rushing and the observing and the rude-when-you're-in-a-hurry-but-kind-when-you're-not vibes that New Yorkers have.
















