conversations with strangers
Showing posts with label conversations with strangers. Show all posts

Welcome to New York (It's Been Waiting for You)

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

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I'm back in New York for a bit, mostly for my best friend's dad's memorial service but also to work out of my office for a bit (which is headquartered in Murray Hill). As I always do when I'm here, I way overbooked myself, cramming plans into every spare non-work moment - & even into a lot of my work moments, with coworker lunches, face-to-face coffee meetings, etc.

My calendar is a liiiiittle scary to look at right now, so it's safe to say that I'm feeling more than a little overwhelmed - though mostly in a good way.

Last night, though, I didn't schedule anything. Initially, I didn't make plans because I thought my flight got in a lot later; when I realized I landed earlier than I thought, though, I  opted not to make plans in case I was burnt out after travel.

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I Accidentally Let a Homeless Stranger Use My Phone for a Probable Drug Deal

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

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A homeless guy approached me yesterday as I sat outside my favorite coffee shop, where I was working on my computer while sitting on their patio & enjoying the sun. He was young - probably younger than me - but I could tell he was homeless because he was toting around a suitcase & had sores all over his face... & also because he eventually told me he was homeless. He was with a girl who was also covered in sores & who had one of those weird labret piercings that give me the willies.

He asked if I had a phone he could use to call for a ride, & I begrudgingly said yes. I wanted to say no, but I just didn't know how - & I know, I know, the way to do that is to just say no, but I felt terrible, looking at these actual human beings, in need, & being like, "No, I don't have a phone." I mean, I was holding it when he asked. Clearly I had it. I said he could use it as long as he didn't walk away while he was using it... so they sat down at my table.

Throughout my interactions with them, the three middle-aged men sitting at the table next to me looked at me like, "Are you crazy?!" & they purposefully didn't leave until the whole thing came to an end, for which I'm grateful.

The couple seemed harmless, but they also didn't seem particularly trustworthy. I don't say that simply because they were homeless - homeless people are people, too - but because they seemed... weird, mostly. I don't know how, but just off. Entitled. And he made some weird statements, like saying that the banana on my table "probably tastes so sweet" & asking if I knew where to sell laptops without batteries. (Yeah, I should've been putting together the pieces...)

As he started making calls from my phone, a thousand thoughts ran through my head. You need a password to open my bank app, right? Are drug-induced sores transmittable via cell phone screen? What if he's making, like, international calls? None of his calls seemed to go through, until finally, someone picked up, & he made a few cryptic statements about having... something. Something with an "as seen on TV" sticker. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew he wasn't asking anyone for a ride.

When he was done, he handed my phone back to me (which I gingerly accepted), & they took off. I saw that he had made nine calls and sent a text:

 

In reading it, I realized: He was talking about selling something. And as I fiiiinally put together the details, I realized I had probably just been part of something illicit. Like a drug deal.

I immediately took my phone into the coffee shop & asked the barista if I could use the hand sanitizer kept behind the counter. As I Purelled the crap out of my phone, he shouted at me "You let them use your phone?! You know all those times in life when someone told you you were being a bitch but you weren't? You've stored up karma. This is a time when it's OK to be a bitch! Take some bitchiness out of your bitch bank!"

Touché, sir. I told him he'd be the first person I asked to serve as a witness on my behalf when the cops seize my phone during some kind of inevitable heroin bust. How do I get myself into these situations?

Fittingly, I'm reminded of the D.A.R.E. slogan of my childhood: Next time a stranger asks me to use my phone, no matter how compelling the reason, I'll make a withdrawal from my bitch bank & "Just say no."
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The Anxiety-Ridden Confessions of a Nervous Talker

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

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I have this major fear sometimes that I have no idea how to speak to other human beings.

I seem pretty normal on the Internet, right? And I am. But hear me out.

I've worked from home for half a decade now, which means that on an average day, I only verbally engage with: my boyfriend, one or two baristas at the coffee shop next door, & maybe a singular video chat with my NYC-based coworkers, though even that's not a guarantee. On a really big day, I go to Target! I know, my life is bananas.

But so much of my time is spent alone. I am, frankly, a very adept writer, & I have mastered the art of communicating solely via email - friendly, succinct, normal-sounding. In person, though, when I meet with someone new... cue the panic.

It's not the extreme, brain-on-fire panic that, like, sends me running for an inhaler & a Xanax. It is, in some ways, a more insidious panic. It's the slow, low-level kind that sets in mid-conversation, when I listen to myself talking - as I'm talking - & think, "Why are you saying so many words? Stop talking so fast! This person didn't need to know that about you. You're too informal. You sound stilted. You are a total weirdo. Let them talk. You're rambling. Stop. Go crawl in a hole & only email forever."

It's not a self-esteem thing; it's just an "Oh my God, am I doing this right?" thing. I know I'm a pretty personable person. I like people, I'm friendly, I can carry a decent conversation, & I'm actually not a weirdo... but because I'm so not used to talking to people on a regular basis anymore, I can't help but worry that I'm completely dropping the ball when it comes to the art of engaging with other human beings.

I know, I know. That's sort of crazy because carrying a conversation is... like riding a bike. Or easier than that. It's not something you forget. And yet, there I am, halfway through a conversation with a perfectly lovely stranger, & it's like my brain folds in on itself & starts asking whether maybe I'm doing it wrong. And it's not even just with strangers! It's with my friends, too!

The worst part, I think, is that there's no real way of knowing if it's real or if it's all in my head, aside from my own anxiety-ridden assessments (which are obviously a little biased). Most people are too polite to be like, "Yo, shut up, you're nervous-talking something fierce," so I'm left trying to convince myself that my rambling is charming, not bizarre.

How's that for a personal tagline? "I'm not bizarre, I'm charming."

Compelling, I know. Don't you want to meet me?!

I try to remind myself that plenty of charming people are also bizarre, like Lady Gaga, or my hairdresser with the green hair & KISS tattoos, or the quirky, flamboyant photographer down the road who talks a mile a minute & will tell you the story behind every single picture he's ever taken. Nervous talkers are people, too. It's OK!

But man. I sure do wish my brain would get on board & quit throwing me off mid-conversation.
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Home Sweet Coffeeshops: On the Weird & Wonderful World of Becoming a Regular

Monday, April 13, 2015

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In case you were wondering how long it takes to be considered a regular at your local coffeeshop, here's the answer: two weeks.

I've been going to a new Starbucks, for reasons some of you may have read about on Facebook & that others of you will never know about because I can't talk about it here. Suffice it to say that the Starbucks I'd started to call home - like, all day, every day - is now off-limits. Instead, I've taken up residence at a new location, one slightly further from my home but in an area of town that I like a little bit better (namely because it's next door to my favorite restaurant & now I eat there basically every day). It's rarely crowded, & I never have trouble finding a seat, & one of the baristas remembered my name the other day without asking me for it, which was a milestone in my relationship with this Starbucks.

The next milestone came just this afternoon, when one of the other baristas said to me,"So you pretty much live here now, huh?" I was equal parts embarrassed & proud - embarrassed because there's something lame about being such a regular, but proud because it also makes me feel more like a real person & less like every other faceless customer when the baristas start to recognize me. VIP treatment means they don't even spell your name wrong on your cup! Usually.

For awhile (two weeks, exactly), I was going into another cafe regularly, one that's locally owned & that I like a lot, save for the fact that they sometimes rent out their space & I end up getting the boot; this has happened frequently enough that I don't go there much anymore. When I was going every day, though, I worried that the baristas started to think I was big bitch because one day, when I got kicked out for a room reservation, I sort of blacked out & stormed up to the manager & demanded to know, "Can you start putting a sign up to let people know when this is going to happen? Because it makes me not want to come here anymore." After that, I was super nice to the people who worked there because I wanted them to know that that particular incident was a rage-induced fluke & that I am indeed a super-nice person (OK, that might be an exaggeration of my personality, but I'm pretty nice).

Anyway. I went into that joint on a weekend day, & one of the baristas, this pretty, friendly blonde girl, said to me, "Hey, you just started coming here during the week, right?" I was so weirdly excited to be, like, worth recognizing. She introduced herself & made me a special drink & then by some moderately creepy coincidence of the Internet, we ended up following one another on Instagram. But still, I don't go there much anymore because I'm embarrassed about the time I raged out about the room situation - & also because I'm still mad about the room situation itself.

My point is this: It takes two weeks for the baristas to start to remember you. If you're nice, they'll even tell you that they remember you, & they'll start remembering your name along with it. If you're really nice, they'll ask you on a date (inside joke, ha ha ha ughhh, don't ask), but remember: This is your office now. Keep it professional. You're just there to drink coffee & do your work & spend half your salary on lattes & croissants & cold-pressed green juice.You're a regular. Don't eff this up.
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If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything on Facebook

Thursday, October 30, 2014

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A couple weeks ago, I joined a Facebook group for people from my hometown. Members use the space to post old photos, share memories of people/places/events past, & link to obituaries of well-known folks from the community. Mostly, though, the group serves as a virtual bulletin board where current residents can ask questions - everything from, "Where's the best place to buy new tires?" to "Why is there so much traffic on ____ Street right now?"

Another trend in this group is people posting photos of creepy-crawlies they find in/on/around their homes with captions like, "What kind of spider is this?" which means all these spider photos show up in my newsfeed & basically ruin my life. Example:



You're welcome for the light blur. Because I care about you.

But anyway.

Predictably, a lot of bitching also happens within this group. Like... a lot of bitching. There's a lot of bitching generally, but there's also a lot of bitching at one another, & things tend to escalate quickly.
Sometimes I turn on the notifications just so I can go back & scroll through the comments when I don't have anything better to do. (I mean, I always have something better to do, but that doesn't mean I'm actually doing it.)

Yesterday, for example, someone posted to the group asking where she should take her cat to be declawed. Her usual vet quoted her $150, she said, & she didn't think it ought to cost that much. When other group members asked that she reconsider her plans to declaw (given the Humane Society's analogy that it's akin to cutting off a person's fingers at the knuckles), a full-on comment war erupted. Just an hour after the original post, it boasted 146 comments & growing (including a few from people who pointed out that the original poster has twice mentioned her cat's destruction of her $300 curtains, but somehow thinks $150 is too much to pay for a surgical procedure on an actual living thing? Priorities.)

I really wanted to comment on the declawing debacle. I wanted to be all holier-than-thou & comment something like, "Perhaps the 'judgment' you're hearing is just from folks who aren't down with the idea of butchering our beloved family pets? How dare we, I know." Because I am not at all sassy or indignant.

But I didn't.

I've commented a few times on past posts, sharing suggestions for my favorite eye doctor or the local gym where I worked in college (because I'm nothing if not brand-loyal & also very opinionated). For the most part, though, aside from the occasional recommendation, I keep quiet for two reasons:
  1. My mother's job makes her what you might call a community figure in our small town. We have an uncommon, identifiable last name that easily links me to her, & she has more than once pointed out that my occasional loud-mouthiness, though always well-intentioned, has the potential to be pretty annoying for her,

    and also,
  2. Facebook's stupid algorithms seem to alert all of my hometown friends every time I comment in this group, which is terribly embarrassing. If I was humiliated the time it broadcasted my comment about where/how to exchange foreign currency, I'm definitely going to want to crawl under a rock when it shares news of my, uh, slightly snarkier comments.
I love my mom, & it's important to me, of course, that I not accidentally tarnish her reputation in any way. But (sorry, Mom) the second reason is equally compelling, because there's nothing more mortifying than Facebook's algorithms. While I'm not actually embarrassed of the words I think to post, I'm more embarrassed by the concept of being a person who posts in a community Facebook group. Actually, I'm embarrassed by the concept of being a person who blogs about posting in a community Facebook group, too, but a girl can't be too proud, yanno?

And so I stayed quiet yesterday, even when the conversation took a turn for the amusing & Laura, the original poster, started lashing out at any commenter who noted the inhumanity of declawing. Finally, this happened:


At that point, all I wanted to comment was "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" because the whole thing had really jumped the shark. But I think the guy who posted this photo really summed it up best:


So carry on, Facebook. Imma be over here, watching from the sidelines & playing a comment reel in my mind.
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Life Lessons: Apparently/Maybe/Probably You Can't Take Photos Inside Starbucks

Monday, October 13, 2014

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I'm waiting patiently for my Starbucks soy latte - because I am one bougie, basic you-know-what, apparently - when I notice that one of the baristas behind the counter looks ticked. Really ticked.

I follow her glare to the end of the bar, where a middle-aged woman is sitting on a barstool, finishing up a pastry. She's staring intently at her iPhone, holding it up at an angle in front of the big, silver, behemoth of a sink in front of her. I instantly recognize the familiar, focused look in her eyes, the way she's tilting her phone just so: She's trying to capture the perfect Instagram photo. And then, satisfied with what she's just snapped, she begins to pocket her phone.

The barista has a thick accent, & at first I'm not sure exactly what she's said - but the anger in her voice is unmistakable. "None of this!" she says firmly to the customer with the iPhone. "No photos!" The customer looks startled, like maybe the barista is scolding someone else. She looks to either side, but no one is there except me, & I look just as bewildered as she does. Turning back to the stern-faced barista & gesturing to herself despite the cup of tea in her hand, she squeaks, "Me?"

"Yes! You cannot take photos in here!" The barista is really mad now, glaring something fierce. This isn't your standard "Sorry, but..." or "Thanks for understanding..." sort of customer service. This is harsh & unfaltering &, frankly, confusing, because trying to take artsy, amateur smartphone photos has become something of an international pastime. Have you been on Instagram lately? It's positively replete with attempts at capturing creatives images of Starbucks cups.

The budding photographer splutters a little. "I was just taking a photo of the faucet," she explains meekly. "It's just a photo of a drop of water." She pushes her phone forward, & the photo on screen corroborates her story. But for all the anger in this barista's eyes, she might as well have flashed a photo of a thousand slaughtered kittens. 

Another barista, the one who's making my drink, mutters toward her coworker: "It's fine, I'm not even in it. It's fine." I wonder for a moment whether the angry barista is defending this one, somehow, if there's some reason she can't be in photographs - if she's a victim of domestic violence, or... I don't know, some other reason she shouldn't be photographed. But the customer's photo is as she explained: just a drop of water from a big, silver sink. And why all the anger? Can't she at least get an explanation or a little bit of kindness?

As the baristas mutter to one another, the woman with the iPhone turns to me. "I guess I shouldn't try to take artsy Instagram photos," she says, shrugging her shoulders & trying to laugh. I laugh a little, too, & shrug back at her in response, "What a Monday," I murmur. We're both still processing this weird & hostile scene.

But even with her coworker's placation, the angry barista is still angry: "You have to delete the picture," she insists. "Why are you taking it? You can't take photos in here. Delete it & leave!"

The customer, who looks exhausted by this point, turns & walks away. When she's out of earshot, the barista mutters, loud enough for me to hear, "No class. No class at all." She catches me staring at her, mouth wide open, but she doesn't seem apologetic or embarrassed - just as angry as she's been all along.

As I stop to grab a napkin on my way out of the store, I catch up with the customer to tell her what I've just heard & to say that I'd be emailing corporate Starbucks with a complaint. Maybe it's silly of me to inject myself into her scenario, but I want her to leave feeling like she has an ally, even if it's in a complete stranger.

She tells me she's going to send an email to corporate, too, & she seems pretty downtrodden, like maybe the day has just taken the mickey out of her. But then her face lights up a little, & she half-smiles at me: "You know, you can't take pictures in a Starbucks, but you can take a gun into one," she tells me. "How's that for priorities?"

***

Actually, Starbucks has a strict no-guns policy as of last fall, but I appreciate the sentiment. No guns, no photos, "no class," & never a dull moment, apparently.

At it turns out, this woman wasn't the first Starbucks customer to face the ire of a barista set on shutting down an amateur photography attempt. A rep confirmed for Business Insider last year that personal photography is permitted inside Starbucks stores, but the Internet is still full of similar stories & confusion about the company's in-store photo policy. For me, though, the issue wasn't that this woman was being prohibited from taking photos (although that's absurd). It's that she was being treated so rudely - as though she'd committed an actual crime - without being given even the slightest explanation as to what she had done wrong.

The Golden Rule applies all the time, even - & perhaps especially - in the service industry, going both ways. Drink your coffee & Instagram in peace & just be nice to other people, period. You're on notice, Adams Morgan Starbucks.
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The Time a Stranger Maybe Drew Me Like One of His French Girls

Monday, July 14, 2014

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If you're open to weirdness, weirdness will always find you, especially in a city - even this city, where you envision the professional, buttoned-up likes of Olivia Pope & Barack Obama & Michele Bachmann & Jed Bartlet & whoever else the general populace associates with Washington, D.C.

This afternoon, I encountered a special & new-to-me variety of weirdness.

I sat in Meridian Hill Park reading a book in the sun, a yoga class happening next to me & "free energy healing," whatever that is, taking place a few benches down. A middle-aged man, looking appreciatively down the length of the park, turned to me & said in a thick accent, "This is a great park. I'm visiting from Florida, & I could just stay in this park all day." He asked if he could sit at the other end of my bench, & though I wanted to keep reading, I found myself chatting with him a bit.

He introduced himself as Winston, a photographer & a painter who had spent the weekend in D.C. taking strangers' portraits. "Two minutes," he told me. "It will only take two minutes."

I wasn't super-keen on talking to Winston any more, & that's when I probably should have said no, gone back to my book or just walked away. Something about him made me a little bit uncomfortable, but I told myself I was probably just being uptight, as I sometimes am, so I agreed to let him photograph me. After all, it was a public park, & there were dozens upon dozens of people around us. Maybe, I thought, this will be like Humans of New York!

Winston asked me to sit on a flight of cement steps & snapped four or five shots, some close-up & some from further away. It all seemed very normal, & I began to feel less weirded out. After a few shots, he asked me to swing one leg over the side of the stairs, sitting sideways. As I repositioned myself, he touched my foot to move it into place, & I recoiled at the unwelcome contact. Not OK.

And then it got weirder.

"Would it be OK..." be began. "Would you mind if I take a photograph of your thigh?"

HEY, HUGE RED FLAG. YES, I MIND THAT.

I gave him a firm no, & when he asked why, I told him it made me very uncomfortable. "This wouldn't be for portraits," he said, "just for me." As though that was going to make me say yes? No, Winston. No, no, no, no. As I stood up, he asked to take one more photo - a normal one - & then told me, "OK, we're all set. I told you it would be quick! Thank you so much," as though he hadn't just creeped me right the hell out.

I asked if he had a card or a website, someplace I could see his art (& yes, I recognize that I should've asked this before agreeing to be photographed). He told me he was hoping to have one soon, then he asked if I'd like to see some pictures of his work. As I stood at a safe distance, he clicked through photos of beautiful paintings, tilting them my way. "I sell these for thousands of dollars," he told me, "to very rich people."

One of the photos was Jan Vermeer's very, very famous "Girl With a Pearl Earring," painted circa 1665.

OK, Winston. That's enough. We're done here.

It was only then that I started to walk away, bidding him adieu & wishing him well while trying to effectively cut off all further communication. As I made my way toward a bench closer to the yogis & the energy healers, the last thing I heard Winston say was this: "I do nudes, too, you know. But I don't sell those in galleries."

Keep your eye out for nude paintings with my mug superimposed over them, please, as I try not to think about whatever that so-called artist is doing with photos of my face in in his private collection. And maybe just... don't talk to strangers.
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She Whose Idiocy Must Not Be Named

Thursday, July 3, 2014

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I recently used Craigslist to sell an old phone to a stranger, which is the exact sort of transaction Craigslist was made for (although much less hilarious than Missed Connections & far less sordid than Casual Encounters).

I sifted through the responses to my post & chose a buyer who seemed nice & normal & responsible, however one can determine such characteristics via email. He was willing to meet me midday near my office, in public, & I brought a coworker with me to be extra-safe.

As it turns out, said buyer was a friendly, slightly nerdy guy who couldn't have been older than 26 & who probably couldn't have taken me in a fight. He paid via PayPal, cracked jokes with my friend Alexa & me, thanked me profusely, made fun of me a little bit for including my Twitter handles in my email signature, & went on his merry way. Generally, the whole thing was an easy, hassle-free experience.

He texted a couple days later to politely suggest that the next time I sell a phone, I first wipe it clean. Cue embarrassment. First of all, who doesn't clear a phone of their personal data before selling it to a Craigslist stranger? Second of all, I thought I had! Apparently technology is not my strong suit. And finally, that cringe-inducing, panicky thought: "What the hell did I have saved on that phone?" Luckily, I'm not one for nude photos or otherwise incriminating data, so I wasn't too worried. I changed my passwords, & my Good Samaritan buyer assured me he'd deleted everything. Lesson learned for next time.

Fast-forward a few months.

A few days ago, I spent some time Googling how to get to Savannah, GA, for an August vacation. I mapped all sorts of configurations, ultimately deciding to go with Amtrak (yes, I'm literally taking a midnight train to Georgia, but that's a story for another day). Two days after my trip-planning, I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize... until I scrolled through our past text chain & realized it was the guy who bought my phone.



Many a time I've wished to be a great & powerful wizard, even an evil one, & this is one such instance. Because we all know how that story ends, right? Neither can live while the other survives.
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Don't Be a Stranger

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

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http://weheartit.com/entry/93332552/search?context_type=search&context_user=AlejandraLund&query=map+lost 

I misplaced my SmarTrip card, & by “misplaced,” I think I mean “dropped on the sidewalk.” It’s gone forever, unless I find it hidden in my desk drawers months from now (which is possible), so I had to go get a new one. Tonight I stopped by the Woodley Park Metro Station on my way home from an appointment, where it took all of three minutes to complete the entire transaction. I would've been on my merry, cold way home except that I lagged for a bit when I noticed the scene taking place around me.

A group of six middle-aged male tourists were crowded around two of the farecard vending machines, clearly lost. Their English comprehension skills ranged from moderate to nonexistent, & they were obviously struggling with the whole card-reloading process - the buttons, the instructions, the money. I thought about offering them help, but I'm always wary of insulting tourists by, you know, identifying them as tourists, so I just stood there for an extra minute, getting my getting-ready-to-go affairs in order (whatever that means) & trying to look approachable.

As I was about to put my earbuds in & roll out, one of the men approached me. "Are you American?" he asked me in heavily accented English, his expression hopeful. "Do you live here?" I told him I did & that I'd be happy to help, & then I spent the next seven or eight minutes walking them through the reloading process on all six of their cards. (We had to start & stop a few times because one of the guys was dead-set on displaying his understanding of the machines' instructions, pushing buttons at the wrong times, which put a kink in the process more than once.) I also helped them read through the Metro map & sort out their money because... foreign maps & foreign money are tough & terrifying, man.

As I started to help them, I was reminded of two trips of my own. On my first day in Israel, I tried to pay for a case of water with five agorot instead of five shekelim, which is (I think) the equivalent of trying to pay with five pennies instead of five quarters. The storekeeper laughed meanly & scoffed, "No, no," shooing me away to sort out my money troubles without any guidance or understanding.

On my summer trip to London, where I spoke the language but still faced considerable currency confusion, I dreaded paying for anything because why is their money so difficult to figure out? As I tried to figure out which coins would pay for a single miniature cupcake from the famed Hamley's Toy Shop, my anxiety must've been obvious to the girl behind the bakery counter. With no one in line behind me, she spent three minutes giving me a thorough & friendly currency tutorial that was much more helpful than anything I'd read online before my visit.

I spent only a few minutes with today's baffled tourists, but I walked away from that interaction hoping I'd been helpful & friendly enough to leave them with a positive impression of the U.S. & of those of us who live here. They were so appreciative, & for me, it was so easy. I didn't have anywhere to hurry off to, & it's not like it was difficult for me, as a native English speaker with knowledge of the city & of American money, to do what they were struggling so hard to figure out on their own. Beyond that, though, it's just so damn easy to be nice, & as much as I promise to forever cling to my penchant for snark & sass, even I can admit that it feels good to just be good.

Why am I telling you this? It's not so you can tell me what a good person I am; trust me, I'm very often not. And that's the point, actually. The point is that we so often forget how easy it is to be a decent person, so this is just a little reminder. Next time you're in a position to help somebody out, give it a try - even if you're a little busier than I was, or the request is a little more difficult than theirs was. In fact, you know what? Help somebody out even (especially!) if they don't ask for it, because asking for help is scary, but being offered help is an incredible relief.

Do something nice. Be someone nice. And pay it forward, ya filthy animals.
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Strangers Like Me, in Places We don't Know

Monday, August 19, 2013

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Earlier this summer, I spent three days in Florida for work. I didn't travel with any of my coworkers, & upon arrival, I knew only two people, sort of. I was a speaker at a convention for Jewish men, so for most of the event, I was the only woman in the room, & the youngest, to boot. I traveled alone, I stayed alone, I ate alone. Except I wasn't really alone at all.

I shared a cab from the hotel to the airport with an older gentleman named Harvey, a pediatrician from California. The conversation was surprisingly easy as we talked about social media, generational divides, & the future of Reform Judaism, & when our taxi pulled up to his gate, he tried to hand me $12 for the ride & wished me safe travels & a happy day.

My flight delayed, I shared a seat on the floor outside the airport bathrooms with a middle-aged guy named Scott, both of us clamoring for the electrical outlets that were prime real estate in our crowded terminal. We laughed about having no shame when it comes to technology, & when he made a call to a flight attendant friend, he asked her about the timing of my flight, too. He showed me pictures of his kids & told me a bit about his business & his penchant for befriending strangers. Me, too, Scott, me, too. As his flight began to board, he wished me good luck in the hopes that mine would take off soon.

Hours later, my flight was still grounded, & when my phone's battery ran low, I sought another outlet. I found one near a table in the food court, sitting next to a tanned young man about my age. He asked, "Are you on the Newark flight, too?" & together we lamented the general unreliability of air travel. Still, we both admitted, we were lucky to be coming home from such beautiful destinations - him from Puerto Rio & me from Fort Lauderdale. We talked about traveling alone, taking the next day off work, & needing a vacation to recover from our vacations, & when we thought our flight was boarding, we abandoned our post & accepted our partially charged phones in exchange for excitement about a flight that might take off. When it turned out to be a false alarm, we'd lost our spots to other travelers desperate for a charge. Displaced, we parted ways with a wave as he got in line for a burger & I opted for Chinese.

When our plane finally boarded, then took off, then landed, I began to feel hopeful that I'd catch the 9:30 train home from the airport. But when a flight attendant came on over the loudspeaker to tell us we'd be taxiing near the gate for 15 minutes, everyone on board let out a collective groan of frustration. The man sitting next to me, traveling with a painted canvas as his piece of carry-on "luggage," announced loudly that his flight out of Newark was delayed by three hours, too; I told him of my own recent travel debacle, & when other passengers overheard our conversation, they chimed in to express their horror - & their gratitude that as annoying as our current situation might have been, it still wasn't that bad. As we deplaned, he turned back to me: "Thanks for the perspective. Enjoy being home."

Strangers, man.

Look, things aren't always good. In fact, sometimes, things are total shit. Sometimes you break down in tears on the dirty airport carpet & do a full-scale messy cry because it feels like you're never going to get home or change out of your sweaty airport clothes or sleep in a bed instead of on a patch of threadbare carpet festering with other people's shoe-germs. Sometimes you contemplate flying sans luggage to Boston just so you can take an hours-long Amtrak back to New Jersey, simply because the idea of spending the night in an airport is too much to bear & you just want to keep moving, to anywhere. Sometimes traveling chips away at your faith in humanity because, man, it kind of sucks.

But sometimes people surprise you, & sometimes you find that if you calm down & stop being an asshole & try to roll with it, it just... doesn't suck that much, really.

When we're kids, we're taught that strangers are bad & scary - & of course certainly they sometimes are - but when you're all alone, miles from the place you want to be with no idea when or how you'll get back, who else are you going to rely on? In times like these, it's the little interactions with total strangers that pick you back up & put you back together & make everything feel bearable. These fleeting interactions with people we know nothing about, people we'll never see again, people who have no idea they had any impact on you - they matter.

Be nice to strangers. You never know whose day you've made - or who's blogging about you!
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On Falling Into Lakes

Thursday, April 18, 2013

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Today was a work day full of calls & meetings, & before I knew it, it was 2:15 & I'd yet to eat lunch. Oh, is that my stomach? Of course, I had to be in another meeting at 2:30, but I decided that gave me just enough time for me to run to a nearby coffeeshop, settle in, order a sandwich, & hop on the call. I knew I'd be a few minutes late, so as I walked, I sent a quick email to my boss from my iPhone.

Here's where I'd like to clarify that the route from my place to my favorite coffeeshop is through a residential neighborhood, with a sidewalk the whole way & approximately zero through traffic. I pay special attention to crossing the major street that runs through town, but after that, it's a walk in the park - almost literally. I pass two senior living establishments, two townie restaurants, & a whole lot of trees, & then boom, favorite coffeeshop.

So as I emailed my boss, I was walking on a sidewalk, toward almost nothing, when a yippy, unleashed little dog took a sharp corner from behind a building & ran right into my shins. I looked down at it & laughed, cooing something in my stupid voice reserved for animals (don't pretend like you don't have one). I smiled at it owner, a very done-up woman who could best be described as a Jersey grandma, 70-something in a purple tracksuit with heavy makeup & big hair & penciled-in eyebrows. She didn't smile back, but still, I gave her an "Excuse me" as I stepped around her dog & carried on down the sidewalk. When my back was to them, she yelled after me:

"That's how people fall into lakes."

I stopped & turned, said it again, this time as a question: "Excuse me?"

"That's how people fall into lakes," she repeated. "Walking & texting."

I tried to stay friendly, keep it light - "Luckily, I'm not walking near any lakes." - but she wasn't having it.

"I don't know," she said meanly. "There sure is a lot of water in this area."

I stayed stoic, but I was fed up. "There's no need to be so rude to a stranger," I told her.

"There's no need to text while you walk," she retorted. "It would serve you right if you fell into a lake!"

Look, I get it. Texting while walking is "more dangerous than crystal meth," & I'd certainly never do crystal meth. I like to think I'm a smart person. I don't text & walk in cities, or near train tracks, or in areas I'm not familiar with. Could I be hit by a car while walking & texting? Sure, but I could also be hit by one while walking & not texting. Anyway, it was pretty clear that this woman didn't care about my safety nearly as much as she cared about being a sanctimonious "get off my lawn" type.

What I wanted to tell her was that it would serve her right if her adorable little unleashed dog got run over by a car, but that seemed too mean to the adorable little unleashed dog. I wanted to tell her it would serve her right if she died alone in her apartment & that adorable little dog gnawed her arm off before anyone found her, but that seemed too mean, period (yes, sometimes my mental filter works). I wanted to tell her that if I fell in a lake - which would be literally almost impossible, given that there are no lakes nearby - it'd be my own damn fault & she would never even know about it. I wanted to tell her that I work my butt off, all day, every day, sitting alone in my living room, such that I sometimes can't even get a bite to eat or a cup of coffee without missing the first 10 minutes of a meeting, without feeling harried & panicked, without checking my email while I walk. I wanted to tell her that in a world full of bombs & shootings & all kinds of terrible things, she should be ashamed of being so mean to a total stranger - or to anyone at all.

I stared her down for a few seconds, trying to decide what to say. And then I swallowed hard, & I turned around. And I took a deep breath & put my phone in my pocket & walked away. And I remembered to "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle."* And also because I'm terrified of lakes.



*I have no idea who said this, but it's one of my favorite quotes. I'd always thought it was Mother Theresa, who is apparently not even in the running.

*Apparently people fall into lakes while texting. I'm lookin' at you, Bonnie Miller & Tiffany Hess.
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Overheard at Starbucks

Friday, June 15, 2012

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Working at home can be sort of boring, so I often work from Starbucks, but working from Starbucks can be really weird. Let me explain:
  • Today I actually overheard not one but two people asking some version of, "Do you guys do iced lattes here?" Folks, this is a coffee shop.

  • I also overheard a series of interviews for a job at a local boutique. During one of them, the interviewer asked her interviewee (who was wearing a sleeveless top), "So, with a background in human resources, why are you interested in retail?" The girl responded, "Well, I can't find anything in my field, & I thought retail would be great in the meantime." Unemployed, readers, take note: I think it's safe to say that's not the correct answer.

  • A middle-aged stranger recently tapped me on the shoulder & told me with surprising enthusiasm, "I saw you texting the other day. You're the fastest texter I've ever seen. I was really impressed!" This prompted a short but intense conversation about my speed-texting skills. Thank you?

  • A woman plopped her stuff down at a table next to mine & asked me if I'd keep an eye on her things while she got her drink. Sure, no problem. When she returned, she asked my name, shook my hand, & proceeded to tell me about her many medical ailments, including a few contagious ones. NO THANK YOU.

  • I heard a young, otherwise-handsome dude ask the barista where he could catch the bus to WalMart because he needed to buy a new pair of Carharts. As he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal handwritten notes all over his flesh, it became increasingly clear that he was high on something aside from just life. As he left, he yelled over his shoulder, "Thanks, man! Sounds just dandy!"

As I finish up this post, a fellow Starbucks dweller who I once introduced myself to has spotted me from outside the establishment & is on his way in to chat, likely about his continued unemployment due to a back injury. I guess it's a good thing I'm done working, because I'm about to be talking for awhile.

Oh, strangers. You sure do keep things interesting.
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    Talking Midwest in the Middle East

    Wednesday, February 29, 2012

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    I'm washing my hands in the sink of a billiards bar called Cafe Noga, which feels like the sort of joint you'd find in my beloved Midwest, not in Tel Aviv. I'm marveling at Israel's bizarre unisex bathroom trend & the many ways it manifests itself in establishments throughout the country. In this particular bar, the bathrooms are divided, men & women, but the two sides share one sink - literally, the sink bowl sits beneath a dividing wall, so if a man were to wash his hands at the same time as me, we wouldn't be able to see one another's faces, but we'd have to make way for one another's hands.

    I've finished washing my hands (alone) & am reapplying my red lipstick when an Israeli girl makes her way up to the sink alongside me. She is tall & thin & beautiful, the way so many Israelis are. Smiling broadly & gesturing toward the sink with one eyebrow raised, she rattles off something in her native tongue. I can't understand the words, but I know what she's asked anyway: "How do I turn this damn thing on?" I turn the faucet on for her, shrug in a sort of apology, & in my clunky Hebrew say, "Ani lo medaber ivrit," I don't speak Hebrew.

    Her face lights up & she switches languages with an ease I can only dream of: "English?" she asks me, & I tell her yes, so she continues. Am I here with Birthright? (Yes) Am I from the US? (Yes) Where am I from? I live near Boston, I tell her, because Boston is a city foreigners have heard of, whereas Portsmouth, New Hampshire, is most certainly not. "Were you born there?" she wants to know, & I tell her no, I was born in Ohio. Questions like this aren't uncommon from Israelis. 

    "Ohio!" she practically shouts, her grin taking over her face. "It's like the movies!"

    I'm confused. Say what?! She puts a hand on my arm. "Ohio!" she repeats. "It's like... so America." When I ask her whether she's ever been to the US, she laughs: "Yes! To Los Angeles & New York City & Disney World. But never to the middle. That's like... Ohio is like a place you only see in movies!"

    She's so happy about Ohio & meeting a native Ohioan that I don't dream of telling her how most of the country feels about "the flyover states," a term I truly loathe. I find myself silently thanking Sarah Palin & wondering whether her 2007 message of "real America" hasn't proven moderately useful abroad. My smile matches hers as I think fondly of my hometown, thousands of miles away across the ocean.

    Ohio! It's like... so America.

    Photo
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    Just Another Day at the Office

    Tuesday, November 1, 2011

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    The following is a real conversation, as word-for-word as I could transcribe it while it happened, that occurred at my downtown Starbucks. Please imagine, if you will, that the star of this conversation is a 60-something (Jewish?) woman with a high-pitched, nasally voice & an accent that's a cross between Boston & the Bronx, resulting in what can only be described as "Fran Drescher Does 'The Departed,'" with a bit of "Coffee Talk" thrown in for good measure. Tawk amongst y'selves.

    *****

    Woman: "Y'know that guyyy? Buble, somethin'? His name is Buble? I don't know his first name. I think it's Rahhhbit. You know who I'm talkin' about?"

    Barista: "No, sorry, no idea."

    Woman: "You know, he's got that song, the one about the girl he hasn't met? I think he's singin' it on a bus, maybe, to this girl he doesn't even know. And it's amazing, he's a real singer, he'll met your heart."

    Barista: "Well, he's a dude, so I don't... I don't know if dudes can melt my heart."

    Woman: "This guy! This guy could. But you know who I mean? The Buble guy? Is his name Rahhhhbit?"

    Me: "His name is Michael."

    Woman: "MICHAEL! MICHAEL BUBLE! That's him, yeah! And he's singing about this girl, but he never metta. He sounds a little bit like Sinahhtra. This guy's somethin' else, man, Jesus.I have to go to Canada, that's where he's from. He's probably got a million girlfriends. I wish I could meet a guy like that."

    *****

    Note: If you're not familiar with this song, here's a video of my mom singing it.

    Image source
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    Stranger Danger Is a Myth

    Tuesday, November 9, 2010

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    Since my Unemployment Adventure began, I've been spending a lot of time at Starbucks. And the library. I'm trying to rotate between the two so I don't burn out on either; so far, I've been successful in rotating, but not necessarily in preventing burnout. Starbucks has pumpkin scones, so it usually wins.

    Here's the problem: Because I have a whopping total of, like, two friends in town - & because they have, you know, jobs & lives & stuff - I find myself without anyone to talk to the majority of the time. The majority of my face-to-face interactions are with my mom & with strangers who frequent (& are employed by) places I frequent.

    So I find myself thriving on these few-sentences-long chats with people I don't & will never know. Conversations like, "Will you watch my stuff while I run to the bathroom?" that, if I'm lucky, turn into a few lines of good-humored banter about trusting strangers to keep me safe from other strangers. Conversations with a middle-aged Sears employee about the horrors of turtlenecks & the many treasures to be found on jewelry sales rack & whether coral is an acceptable color palette for anything but necklaces. Conversations with the couple in line of front of me at WalMart who lets me cut them so I don't have to wait 15 minutes while they pay for their meth lab supplies when all I need to buy is contact solution & a Lean Cuisine.

    I'm turning into my grandmother, who talks to every stranger she meets. I am one of those people. It's not new, of course; I've always done it, even in the city, where people sometimes thought I was crazy or obnoxious or an escaped mental patient for daring to strike up chats with folks I don't know. I even have a blog tag devoted to "conversations with strangers." And it suddenly occurs to me: This is, without a doubt, the most suburban thing about me. When paired with also being the loneliest thing about me, I'm a conversational time bomb just waiting to explode. No stranger is safe.
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    Hey, Girl, You Like '90s Sitcoms?

    Friday, October 23, 2009

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    I wasn't going to leave my house today, but being sick is boring. Like, really boring. I love me some "Wife Swap" & "Law & Order: SVU," but a girl can only take so many reruns, yanno? Also, I slept for about 16 hours yesterday, & then for a measly three last night, so my steady diet rotation of Dayquil & Nyquil is clearly effing with my internal clock a bit.

    So I decide to head to work, albeit late. Circa 11 a.m., I grab a chai latte & hop a bus, & there begins the high/low point of my day. As soon as I sit down, a guy a few rows back moves to accompany me. The scene unfolds as follows:

    "Hey, girl, you fine," he drawls. I ignore.
    "What's your name?" he asks. I ignore.
    "Where you headed?" he wonders. And I - you got it - continue to ignore.

    Trying a new tactic, he goes for flirting gold: "You look like the daughter from 'Roseanne,' girl. Can I get your number?"

    Oh, for crying out loud. This is the first time I've left my house in more than 48 hours. I'm wearing plastic glasses & no makeup & my hair is tangled like I just got out of a coma. I've got two teabags & an entire honey bear stashed in my purse, not to mention all those throat lozenges rattling around like I'm packing maracas. Yet some dude in a pinstripe suit still has the nerve to try to hit on me by telling me that I look like '90s high school dropout Darlene Conner?!


    Mmm hmmm. This is my "Aw sheist, I DO look like Roseanne's daughter today" face. At least I left my flannel at home this fine Friday.

    On a positive note, it appears that "I think I have swine flu" is a surefire way to lose the attentions of unwanted suitors.
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    Pride (In the Name of Love)

    Sunday, June 14, 2009

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    Some friends & I marched in the Capital Pride Parade yesterday evening. Note to self: Never eat an entire bag of Kettle Corn - & only an entire bag of Kettle Corn - before marching 1.5 miles in the blazing sun wearing Chuck Taylors. Also, it's possible that I am the sweatiest person alive, or at least in that parade. That said, it was a great time. Most notable moments included:
    • The little, tiny Latino man marching behind us wearing nothing but rainbow body paint & a peacock-like fan hat (photo below);
    • The really attractive guy wearing leopard-print body paint marching with Deaf Youth USA who I referred to as "the Deaf Leopard." Get it? Ba-dum-chhhhh (photo also below);
    • The group of cute lesbians who asked me for free stickers & then hit on me;
    • My friends & fellow marchers jumping onto the Zipcar truck driving in front of us to dance to Lady Gaga with sassy, green-wigged Zipcar employees;
    • The group of parade-watchers who chanted "Who let the Jews out?" (in a friendly way?) as we made our way past;
    • The very excited dude who jumped up & down screaming "SHALOM! SHALOM!" as we made our way past;
    • And, of course, the man who jumped into the parade with us to plant a wet one on my very straight friend Jason as we made our way past (as Jason's girlfriend laughed hysterically & offered zero help).



    Cheesy as it may be, it was pretty incredible to be a part of something so fun & festive while rocking out for equality. See you next year!
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    Overheard on the Redline

    Saturday, November 10, 2007

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    Dead-Serious Girl: "But I've never kicked anyone in the balls after sex."

    **********


    Woman on Platform:
    "The train is here."
    Her Sassy Male Friend: "Wow. Your cat-like observations really astound me sometimes."


    **********


    Somewhat-Intelligent Twenty-Something: "Dude, you're not going to get lead poisoning from holding a fucking pencil."
    His Less Fortunate Friend: "I'm not taking any chances, man. I'm using pens from now on."

    **********


    Befuddled Woman on Blackberry:
    (to me) "How do you spell cognizant?"
    Me: "C-O-G-N-I-Z-A-N-T."
    Woman on Blackberry: "That's what I thought, but that Z looked errant."
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    Public Transportation Death Threats

    Thursday, August 30, 2007

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    On the train ride home, I read a Zeroxed copy of "Federalism," Chapter 3 of a high school American Government book. My director gave me the book to help me brush up on basic political background as a means of preparing myself for this job, & Federalism is step one, apparently.

    The guy sitting next to me begins asking me about the chapter - why I'm reading a high school textbook, etc. Instead of ignoring him, we start talking about politics, politicians, paranoia & a population full of apathy - pretty interesting, actually. Mid-conversation, I notice a well-dressed, 30-something Asian man sitting across the way, furiously banging his watch against his seat's metal bar & muttering obscenities. Distracted, I mention his apparent rage to Federalism Boy, who accidentally points his finger in the crazyman's general direction, or something else horribly inflammatory. Immediately riled up, Angry Asian immediately starts shouting, "Don't you point at me! I'll fucking kill you. Don't point at me! I will fucking kill you!"

    Federalism Boy is kind of laughing, clearly unruffled - he's lived in D.C. for four years & says he's used to the nutters that roam the capital. I dare to peek at Angry Asian, both terrified & intrigued. His voice sounds warbled, somehow, like he's either vocally impaired or underwater; he's difficult to understand, but you can't exactly ask death-threateners to repeat themselves. As soon as he catches me looking at him, he begins yelling, "You too! I'll kill you, too! When we get off the train!"

    Shrinking violent that I am, I begin repeating,"Oh God, oh God, oh God," over & over, so Federalism Boy asks if I want to move to another traincar. I do. We promptly book it to an emptier car, far away from Angry Asian & his killer tirade, where I decide it's safe to start laughing. Amused & out of harm's way, we recap the situation & savor our safety.

    But Federalism Boy gets off at Fort Totten, & I have no idea where my death-wisher has exited, if at all. Amused as I am, I still exit my car with trepidation, confident the Angry Asian will emerge from his traincar to slit my throat as I head toward the escalator.

    Clearly (& thankfully), this did not occur.

    But are you noticing some sort of a theme here? Apparently kindergarten did me no good. Why haven't I learned NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS?
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    Unwanted Compliments & Phone Numbers I Will Never Dial

    Friday, August 24, 2007

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    I am on my way to the Metro, walking past the CVS in Dupont Circle, & I am not dressed in any particularly spectacular way - skinny jeans that sometimes make me look fat, with a lacy white top & a black "vest" & Chinese Laundry heels. I wear massive, cheap sunglasses that overwhelm my face & carry a massive, utilitarian bag that overtakes my body. A man in jeans & a paint-splattered T-shirt is walking my way, a nondescript man I wouldn’t have otherwise taken note of if not for this: As our paths cross, Average Man lowers his sunglasses, tipping them at the bottom so he can look me in the eye. I avoid his gaze, but as he passes me, he quickly says, very loudly, “Niiiice, baby.” And then it’s over, & I have passed this Average-Yet-Creepy Man, who has somehow made me feel exceptionally ugly & violated using only two words.

    Outside my rail station, I ask two conversing bus drivers which port I ought to be waiting at if I want to catch bus 51. “Down that road, honey, that way,” says Light-Eyed Hispanic Driver, who is probably not much older than I am. Middle-Aged Black Driver says no, LEHD is lying, 51’s port is right in front of me, & am I new in town? Yes, I say, from Ohio, & they both recount to Ohio towns they've visited – Youngstown, Cincinnati, Warren, Orville. They know Akron; LeBron has turned the Rowdy into something legendary, for now. Middle-Aged Black Driver tells me he wants to give me his phone number, & when I ask why, he says something unintelligible, something about CDs. For some reason, I record this in my phone under the label “CD,” although I’m never going to call this random, middle-aged bus driver who is old enough to be my father, if my father were, you know, black. As long as MABD doesn’t ask for mine, I figure this is an okay situation; I’ll never call anyway, & if he asks for my number, I will lie. If he calls it while I’m standing there, I will be screwed. I mentally cross my fingers against this potential occurrence; he gives me his number & walks away to take a phone call.

    Light-Eyed Hispanic Driver tells me his name is Hector, & do I like clubs or bars? Not clubs, I tell him, but I do bars sometimes. Nothing is open in Maryland late at night, he tells me, and weekends here suck – you have to go into the city for a good night out. If I want to go out sometime, to a bar & not a club, Hector says, I should call him. He gives me his number &, like MABD, doesn’t ask for mine, thankfully. And just like MABD, he walks away to take a phone call, waving at me as I head off to port 51, confused by this entire encounter.

    I need to learn to avoid strangers. Entirely.
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