Earlier this week, mid-judgment, I came up with a brilliant idea: STUFF TOURISTS LIKE. I've sort of covered this in the past, but this time, I mean business. (In fact, you might even say that it's bidness time.) Let's get this party started, shall we? We're gonna start slow & build the excitement, like... um, like... something really exciting... ANYWAY, let's begin.
- Giant Slurpees from 7-Eleven: In a move of sheer genius, 7-Eleven opened up shop right across from the National Zoo, where it outfits eager tourists with necessities like Fritos & chocolate milk & weird taquitos under heat lamps... & about a dozen flavors of gigantron Slurpees, fit for slurping & spilling. As you can imagine, this means the place is always crammed to the brim with screamers under the age of 7, & the floor is always, always sticky.
- Mini backpacks: It's like the '90s every day here on Connecticut Avenue, where droves of zoo-goers sport miniaturized versions of otherwise-sort-of-acceptable backpackery. Some try to modernize their tiny accessories with Vera Bradley prints & weird leather stitching that is perhaps considered fashionable in certain parts of, like, Montana. But no matter their pattern, every mini backpack makes me want to sing "Fat guy in a little coat."