Stuff Tourists Like, Round II - With Photos!

Monday, June 21, 2010

They say a picture's worth a thousand words - & whoever they are, they're right. Sometimes, one photo says it all. Take, for example, this dude, spotted last week leaving the zoo:

But jut because the photo speaks for itself doesn't mean I'm not going to speak, too.

OK. The wife is donning too-floppy-for-a-day-of-serious-walking sandals wit unforgivable white jorts & a weirdly-sorta-fancy shirt, which is something inexplicable that Midwestern touristy women sometimes do. I'm willing to give her a pass, because she basically looks normal; I wouldn't have noticed her if she hadn't been with this dude, who is, let's face it, a total gem.

Let's take another look at him, shall we?

This guy personifies, like, half a dozen cardinal fashion sins of the typical DC tourist. Things tourists love, as evidenced by this dude's closet, include:
  1. Tall white socks: Gonna be marchin' 'round the city? Better get yer walkin' socks on! While I'd never fault anyone their walking shoes (bunions are a bitch, I'm sure), I simply fail to understand how miles of walking are made any easier by suffocating your poor ankles in thick cotton tubing.

  2. Cut-off tees: I don't get it. You cover your ankles but bare your arms? Be consistent, folks. Your shirt came with sleeves for a reason. You are not Christian Siriano; do not attempt your own clothing mods.

  3. Camo: Straight from the woods & parks to Woodley Park, it seems, but here at the National Zoo, there's no need to blend in with the foliage, folks. While you must shield your face from the sun in this heat - as it's approximately a gabillion degrees - please refrain from going the John Deere route unless you're actually toting around, like, a dead deer.
So there you have it. Three birds with one stone, totally one-upping that old cliche. In closing, I'd like to thank this nameless stranger for his unknowing contribution to the Stuff Tourists Like list. Wherever he is, may he be blessed with a happy, sleeveless suburban life.
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