Stuff Tourists Like!

Monday, June 14, 2010

My new office is quite close to my apartment in Woodley Park, right near the National Zoo. At lunch (a concept worth its own post entirely, as new-work-lunch is much, much different than old-work-lunch), I've been taking 15 minutes to hang out on the front porch & eat the elementary schoolesque meals I pack for myself in the morning (think pudding cups, applesauce, pretzels & the like). As I sit & chew, I can't help but observe the passing tourists on their way to & from the zoo. It's like a sport, this brand of people-watching, time to myself to be quiet & observational &... OK, fine, judgmental.

Earlier this week, mid-judgment, I came up with a brilliant idea: STUFF TOURISTS LIKE. I've sort of covered this in the past, but this time, I mean business. (In fact, you might even say that it's bidness time.) Let's get this party started, shall we? We're gonna start slow & build the excitement, like... um, like... something really exciting... ANYWAY, let's begin.
  1. Giant Slurpees from 7-Eleven: In a move of sheer genius, 7-Eleven opened up shop right across from the National Zoo, where it outfits eager tourists with necessities like Fritos & chocolate milk & weird taquitos under heat lamps... & about a dozen flavors of gigantron Slurpees, fit for slurping & spilling. As you can imagine, this means the place is always crammed to the brim with screamers under the age of 7, & the floor is always, always sticky.

  2. Mini backpacks: It's like the '90s every day here on Connecticut Avenue, where droves of zoo-goers sport miniaturized versions of otherwise-sort-of-acceptable backpackery. Some try to modernize their tiny accessories with Vera Bradley prints & weird leather stitching that is perhaps considered fashionable in certain parts of, like, Montana. But no matter their pattern, every mini backpack makes me want to sing "Fat guy in a little coat."

You know what? That's it for now. I have more, but sometimes ya gotta build the momentum toward a good thing.
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