Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My Heart (& Liver?) is in Ohio

I realize this post isn't in keeping with my typical DC-related M.O., but bear with me because it's totally worth it. Promises.

Earlier this week, I received a Chanukah card from my grandmother, along with $50 and a Got Milk? ad featuring Trisha Yearwood (I collect them, OK?). I read through the card quite happily - until I reached the last line. Can you read it?

Yes, it says exactly what you think it does: "Have fun over the holidays - stay sober!" And although I tried more than once to interpret my grandma's handwriting in other ways ("Stay solar?" Hmm, nope), the final conclusion is that it does, in fact, advise me not to imbibe over the Chanukah season.

Now, it's possible that my grandmother, who's fairly Web-savvy, checks out & has been reading all about my adventures at such soirees as last week's Latkes & Vodkas. It is more likely, however, that my favorite septuagenarian is instead recalling the Miller Lite she saw me drink over Thanksgiving weekend & interpreting it to mean that I am a regular & forceful abuser of my liver.

The best part is this: My mother arrived in the District yesterday from Ohio, unpacking a myriad of complimentary sundry groceries into my pathetically understocked refrigerator/pantry. She bought me Cheerios, hot chocolate, applesauce, Lean Pockets, yogurt, pasta... and two small bottles of Sutter Home.

But even better than that? When I called her on it, she revealed that these are not, in fact, for me. Her response? "I thought I might want a little drink." As though we don't have liquor & wine stores in D.C.?! Also, please bear in mind that each of these bottles is no taller than the length of my palm. Needless to say, in light of the Chanukah card, this made me laugh hysterically.

Who needs the advice now, Grandma?!?!
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