My Heart (& Liver?) is in Ohio

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I realize this post isn't in keeping with my typical DC-related M.O., but bear with me because it's totally worth it. Promises.

Earlier this week, I received a Chanukah card from my grandmother, along with $50 and a Got Milk? ad featuring Trisha Yearwood (I collect them, OK?). I read through the card quite happily - until I reached the last line. Can you read it?

Yes, it says exactly what you think it does: "Have fun over the holidays - stay sober!" And although I tried more than once to interpret my grandma's handwriting in other ways ("Stay solar?" Hmm, nope), the final conclusion is that it does, in fact, advise me not to imbibe over the Chanukah season.

Now, it's possible that my grandmother, who's fairly Web-savvy, checks out & has been reading all about my adventures at such soirees as last week's Latkes & Vodkas. It is more likely, however, that my favorite septuagenarian is instead recalling the Miller Lite she saw me drink over Thanksgiving weekend & interpreting it to mean that I am a regular & forceful abuser of my liver.

The best part is this: My mother arrived in the District yesterday from Ohio, unpacking a myriad of complimentary sundry groceries into my pathetically understocked refrigerator/pantry. She bought me Cheerios, hot chocolate, applesauce, Lean Pockets, yogurt, pasta... and two small bottles of Sutter Home.

But even better than that? When I called her on it, she revealed that these are not, in fact, for me. Her response? "I thought I might want a little drink." As though we don't have liquor & wine stores in D.C.?! Also, please bear in mind that each of these bottles is no taller than the length of my palm. Needless to say, in light of the Chanukah card, this made me laugh hysterically.

Who needs the advice now, Grandma?!?!


  1. Hah. My parents sent me a card for my bday with a beer coaster in it along with some similar advice. I'm glad they've accepted that their only son actually enjoys adult beverages.

    Thanks for the comments on my posts. I'll check out Lunar Park. Read S, D, & Cocopuffs. It's not bad, I just expected more. Who knows, you might like it more than I did.

    Oh and you're a peeker huh. Though I do understand your logic, it still freaks me out :)

    Bonne nuit

  2. Hey there. I found this through your profile on a certain dating website that targets Jews... Hope you don't hold it against me.

    Anyway, your writing cracks me up. My grandmother never told me to keep the drinking down, but I've definitely got a wacky family too!

  3. Haha. I love old people.

  4. grandparents are hilarious. merry christmas!!

  5. This makes me smile! I'm sad I won't get to see you, but it's great that your mom got to go out there! Happy Chanukah!

    PS: Wedding pics are up on my picassa site!


Leave me some love.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...