Merry Belated Christmas to all my Detainee Friends

Monday, December 31, 2007

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Apparently I forgot to throw down this photo before Jesus' birthday passed, but it's better late than never, right? I mean, I don't think the Christ child was actually even born on December 25th - didn't the New Testament's calendar scheduler eff it up because he thought a winter birthday sounded cozy? Or something?

This picture was taken at Kramerbooks & Afterwords, the ballerest bookstore in existence. Sort of. Anyway, I like it a lot, & so did Monica Lewinsky, who purchased "Vox," a book about phone sex, here. Ken Starr subpoened those purchase records, so this place is basically legend, in addition to being all-around awesome & serving really stellar butternut squash ravioli at its restaurant.

Where else would you see such a sign but in the nation's freedom-lovin' capital?

And can someone tell me why Charles Shulz's Peanuts book fits into the detainee category?Am I missing a major chunk of historical info?
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Your Suburban Sweetheart Travels Home

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Ahhh, home -- the land of LeBron "The King" James & weather so cold you'll forget your appendages exist.

I spend a lot of my time in D.C. defending my hometown, but the truth is, the three pictures I took this weekend didn't do a damn thing to raise the Rowdy's reputation.

Exhibit A: This woman's wool jacket, which is a rainbow disaster of the most catastrophic proportions. I believe the overall theme here is "Gay Superman goes Native American."

Exhibit B: One inflatable Christmas decoration? Heinous. Two inflatable Christmas decorations? Unforgiveable. But SEVEN inflatable Christmas decorations? Unconscionable. For the record, one of these was actually a band of some sort, & it blasted holiday tunes onto the street. If I were these people's neighbors, I would have taken a carving knife to these abominations loooong ago.

Exhibit C: This one is, hands down, my favorite. On Christmas, my mom & I stopped at a gas-station-slash-convenience-store creatively named Food Convenience. As I reached for a box of Claritin, I happened upon this packet of shampoo instead. Want shiny, sparkling hair? Try a little bit of INFANT with your regular conditioning treatment. Rinse, repeat, barf, enjoy.

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Dorothy Hamill would be proud

Saturday, December 8, 2007

In big cities, where appearances are everything, so too, then, are terrible haircuts.

In the past few years, I have sported haircuts some truly heinous 'dos. I've resembled everyone from Hulk Hogan (summer '03) to Mr. Clean (spring '06) to Captain Spock (winter '06). I'm not sure which of those this current haircut bumps from the top spots, but it's basically an amalgamation of every horrible haircut I have ever, ever had, all in one.

I'm not giving you pics, but this one should say it all:

I am so f*cked.
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Stand By ME, Norman Lear!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

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I announced this sentence over the office intercom tonight: "David, Norman Lear is at the front door for you."

In case you weren't sure, that was me, your lowly little Suburban Sweetheart, announcing to my famousish figurehead of a boss that Norman Lear, the famous TV writer/producer who brought us gems like The Jeffersons & Diff'rent Strokes, was at the front door of my office building... to light Chanukah candles with us.

Norman Lear, in his fisherman's hat & his LL Bean sweater, pitched to us his new campaign for People for the American Way, asking for our "visceral reactions" to it & really listening to our answers. And then? Then we sang "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" with the famous Mr. Lear & listened to the ringtone on his cell phone - a Yiddish advertising jingle from the 1930s. This is such a phenomenally unreal paragraph that I'm inclined not even to believe myself; alas, dear readers, it is 100% true.

So leave it to my boss - one of the most well-known, well-respected men in the American Jewish community - to NOT know how to take a picture with flash.
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