Your Suburban Sweetheart Travels Home

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Ahhh, home -- the land of LeBron "The King" James & weather so cold you'll forget your appendages exist.

I spend a lot of my time in D.C. defending my hometown, but the truth is, the three pictures I took this weekend didn't do a damn thing to raise the Rowdy's reputation.

Exhibit A: This woman's wool jacket, which is a rainbow disaster of the most catastrophic proportions. I believe the overall theme here is "Gay Superman goes Native American."

Exhibit B: One inflatable Christmas decoration? Heinous. Two inflatable Christmas decorations? Unforgiveable. But SEVEN inflatable Christmas decorations? Unconscionable. For the record, one of these was actually a band of some sort, & it blasted holiday tunes onto the street. If I were these people's neighbors, I would have taken a carving knife to these abominations loooong ago.

Exhibit C: This one is, hands down, my favorite. On Christmas, my mom & I stopped at a gas-station-slash-convenience-store creatively named Food Convenience. As I reached for a box of Claritin, I happened upon this packet of shampoo instead. Want shiny, sparkling hair? Try a little bit of INFANT with your regular conditioning treatment. Rinse, repeat, barf, enjoy.


  1. Let's put it this way... In my neighborhood, there's a house with at least ten inflatables in their yard, surrounded by a lighted garland fence. It's horrendous.

  2. There's nothing more hill jack that having inflatables in your yard.

  3. yeah, let's take a switchblade to them, Matt-Wiggins-style. ;) seriously though, where is this at? is it still up, do you think? i wanna see it for myself.

  4. Hm, maybe there's something wrong with me. Yes, inflatable decorations are gross, but not nearly as gross as placenta hair wash. I'm thinking a blowup Santa is downright jolly compared to that kind of shampoo.Ew.


Leave me some love.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...