If We Were Catching Up Over Coffee...

If We Were Catching Up Over Coffee...

Monday, October 30, 2023

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If we were catching up over coffee, I'd probably still be drinking an iced coffee, even though it's finally gotten chilly. I thiiink I might be one of those people who drinks iced coffee year-round now?
 
If we were catching up over coffee, I probably wouldn't seem as outgoing or chipper as I usually do. I would only go into it if you asked, though, and even then, with caution. I recently deleted my social media apps for a bit because the Israel/Gaza war has been weighing so heavily on me. Things feel really bad right now, and I'm scared, and it's affecting literally everything.
 

 
If we were catching up over coffee, you might ask me how the adoption process is going, and I'd do my best to update you without inundating you. It's long and slow and arduous and honestly kind of heart-breaking because we just want to be able to become parents but can't rush the process. We are in with two adoption agencies and applying to a few others, and we're just trying to continue to believe that it will happen when the time is right.
  
If we were catching up over coffee, I'd try to change the topic by telling you about some of the fun things I've been up to lately. I saw both The Jonas Brothers and The Eagles recently (I am a woman of many interests!), and I "graduated" from my boxing program but am still going to classes. One of my best friends recently moved down the street, and I also just went to a two-day work retreat, where I got to see my remote colleagues in person. 
  

  
If we were catching up over coffee, I might nervously reveal to you that I have been struggling with body image and self-esteem lately, which is, I guess, nothing new, but that doesn't mean it's not still difficult to deal with. I've gained a little more weight, yet again, and I just can't seem to stick to any sort of healthy eating regimen or shake the extra weight even when I do. (Halloween candy isn't helping.)
 
If we were catching up over coffee, I'd tell you about how I convinced Mike that we should go as Harry and Marv from Home Alone for Halloween. Though he initially felt that I was doing too much in the pursuit of the perfect costumes, I feel that you can never do enough when it comes to Halloween. People really enjoyed our costumes and most importantly, we loved them, which made for a very fun holiday party with friends.
  


If we were catching up over coffee, I'd tell you that I miss blogging and that I worry that I'm never really coming back to this space. I want to, I mean to, I intend to, but then it always falls by the wayside. I wrote all day every day for my job, and I've been doing a ton of freelance writing, and I'm so grateful for all of it, but it means I don't want to keep sitting at a computer and writing when the day is done.

Speaking of writing, if we were catching up over coffee, I might have to leave early to go work on some freelance projects. I'd share how lucky I feel to be overwhelmed with the work, which is something I literally attempted to manifest (do I believe in manifesting? I dunno), but now here it is... overwhelming and overloading me on a regular basis. What a blessing! What a stressor!
 
Relatedly, did I write this blog post instead of meeting two fast-approaching deadlines? Yes. Yes, I sure did.
  
Guess that's the end of this coffee date. How are you?

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5 Reasons I Love the Suburbs

5 Reasons I Love the Suburbs

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

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I've never been one to hate on the suburbs. In fact, longtime blog readers may recall that this space was originally named Suburban Sweetheart. While I love city life, I've always had a soft spot for the 'burbs - for shopping plazas & chain restaurants & yards with picket fences.

After a few recent trips out to various Cleveland-area suburbs, I thought I'd make a case for the quieter life. Here's a round-up of all the things I love about being out in the 'burbs. What about you?

1. Going back home

Suburban born & raised! My mom lives in Cuyahoga Falls, about a 40-minute drive from Cleveland (making it technically a suburb of Akron), & going home is one of my favorite places to be. My mom still lives in the house where I grew up - at least for a little bit longer - & while our house is nothing big or ostentatious, it's, well, home.

I love the spaciousness, the dogs running around in the fenced-in backyard, & my childhood bedroom. I love my mom's gardens, the proximity of our neighbors, the beautiful lake down the road. There's something so peaceful about being at my mom's house.

Truly, my hometown is the neighborhood version of Cheers: Everybody knows my name, & I'm always glad I came.

2. All the good shopping

I remember shopping in D.C., where there were plenty of good stores, but because I didn't have a car, it was difficult to do any quantity of shopping at a time. You have to carry your bags around with you, so if you make one purchase, you're stuck shlepping that purchase around everywhere else you go. I hated it!

And look, I love a good boutique & all the independently owned shops here in Cleveland - but when I want to make a serious dent in my wallet wardrobe, I always head out to the 'burbs, which are the best spot, at least in this area, to shop. With a car, I can go a little crazy (but not too crazy - I'm a responsible adult, after all...)

Here in the Cleveland area, a few of my favorite areas to shop are Legacy Village in Lyndhurst (hello, best Nordstrom Rack around!) & Crocker Park in Westlake (where I love the Charming Charlie & DSW, in particular). I'm certainly no shopaholic, but I do get a weird little rush out of all that commercialism in one place. So sue me.

3. Some deliciously delicious restaurants

The suburbs get a bad rap for being a place where you can only eat at, like, Applebee's & T.G.I.Friday's. If I'm being honest, I, for one, do not hate either Applebee's or T.G.I.Friday's, but I understand the desire to dine at places that cater to, uh, a more sophisticated palate - & the suburbs can be a great place to find delicious hidden gems.

I blogged awhile back about 11 of my favorite restaurants in my suburban hometown, which should be proof enough that the 'burbs can be a great place to find great food. I also recently discovered The Capital Grille at Legacy Village in Lyndhurst, just outside the city, where I had the pleasure of sampling their new "Cocktail Time" menu - which is so damn good.

You might've caught some of it in my Stories on Instagram; I'll be back soon for their Korean Fried Chicken Sliders (spicy!) & The Churchill, a cocktail made with bourbon, lemon juice, & hibiscus honey syrup. Fun fact: Their executive chef, at just 26 years old, is Darden Restaurants' youngest executive chef in the country - & he's damn good at what he does.

4. Getting together with friends

Mike & I live just a mile & a half from downtown, but surprisingly, we don't have a lot of friends who live in Cleveland proper. Most of our closest friends live in the 'burbs - Lakewood (which is as close as it gets to being the city without being in the city), Westlake (close to all the good shopping!), & Shaker Heights.

Having friends out in the 'burbs is definitely one of the best reasons to head out to the 'burbs. Our friends Trevor & Callie just bought a beautiful, old house in Shaker, & they recently had a few of us over for a board game night. A few drinks in, we abandoned the official game (the complicated rules-heavy Vinticulture) & instead started just asking one another '90s Trivial Pursuit questions. Now that they've got a nice-sized yard, Trevor & Callie also recently adopted a puppy, a little, gangly guy named Lincoln who's soon to become a big, gangly guy. The suburbs give him lots of room to run!

5. A break from city life

If I'm being honest, "city life" in Cleveland isn't nearly as stressful as city life in, say, D.C. or New York or Boston, & like in the suburbs of someplace in, say, New Jersey, is not as relaxing as life in the suburbs of Ohio. Here in Cleveland, I live in a duplex with a small yard, & though plenty of great spots are within walking distance, it's certainly no bustling & anxiety-inducing metropolis. I never really feel like I need a break.

There's something soothing, though, about being in the suburbs, wherever they may be. Do other people feel this way? Something about the suburbs evokes a feeling of old-timeyness, of simple times. Maybe it reminds me of my childhood.

I don't know, man. I don't want to live there - but I sure do have a lot of love for the suburbs. How do you feel about them?

Disclaimer: The Capital Grille invited me to a complimentary blogger event to preview their new "Cocktail Time" menu. All opinions are, as always, my own. 

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Happy 10 Years of Blogging - & More - to Me!

Happy 10 Years of Blogging - & More - to Me!

Thursday, August 24, 2017

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This week marks four very important 10-year anniversaries in my personal life - like, big ones. And they're all related. Bear with me for a sec, will ya?

Ten years ago this week, I graduated from college. 

It took me two schools & five years, but I made it, graduating the summer of my super-senior year with a bachelors of science in news journalism. The top of my cap read "THANKS, MOM."

Ten years ago this week, I left Ohio for the first time & moved to Washington, D.C. 

I'd lived there for a few weeks the summer before, solidifying my interest in moving there after graduation. And, OK, I actually moved into a room in a condo in Maryland with an hour-and-a-half-long commute into Dupont Circle, but it barely mattered. I was overjoyed to be in a big city, to feel free, to feel like an adult. I planned for D.C. to be a stepping-stone city on my ultimate path to NYC.

Ten years ago this week, I started working at the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism.

It was a crazy job for me to have taken - for me to have been hired for - given that I didn't know a single thing about politics or even about Judaism. And yet, there I was, one of six recent college grads chosen for a prestigious one-year fellowship at a social action nonprofit in the heart of D.C., sitting in meetings on legislative policy & lobbying Congress on behalf of one million Reform Jews - with some of the best people I've ever met. The six of us became fast friends, & they remain some of my favorite people in the entire world.

And 10 years ago today, I started this blog right here.

Sure, it was originally called Suburban Sweetheart, a name that garnered me laughs from GoDaddy because it sounded so much like a porn site. Oops. I started it on a whim, knowing not a damn thing about blogging, because I wanted to be able to share my city stories more broadly than just posting them to my Myspace page. No really: My first post here was crossposted from Myspace.

All these things... they're related, really. Imagine: Within the span of a week, I wrapped up my existing life - finished my internship & graduated from college - & then moved to a big city on the East Coast to start my first adult job & meet an entirely new set of people.

They changed my life, all of them. The place, the people... they made me. When I first left Ohio, I planned to return, like, immediately. My D.C. job was a one-year fellowship, nothing permanent, & I I planned to move back to Ohio when it was over - to find an apartment in Cleveland & maybe try to work for Cleveland Magazine, where I'd interned before commencement. I was going to be a journalist in Ohio, obviously; this D.C. thing was just a quick detour on the path.

Except it wasn't.

It wasn't a detour; it was everything.

Here I am, a decade later, working for the same place, friends with many of the same people. Of course, so many of the details have changed: I did come back to Cleveland, albeit with a number of detours along the way. I spent four years in D.C., plus a year & a half apiece in New Hampshire & New Jersey. I briefly left my job for one I hated, & then I was hired back to my old one. I've lived in more apartments than I can count. I've been published - in a book & in The Washington Post, even! I've made new friends & lost old friends & fallen in love & out of love & in a better love. I turned 30 & lived with my mom again & settled into life in Cleveland & planned a wedding, and, and, and.

As with every life, there is just so much to tell.

And tell it I have.

In the 10 years that I've been writing here, I have published 1,140 blog posts in this space. Before I started blogging, I was, well, blogging. It just wasn't called that yet. I wrote on Xanga sites & a Myspace journal & in Facebook notes & in dozens upon dozens of old-school paper diaries. When I started blogging here, well, it felt like coming home - just like my move to D.C. did, like my job at the RAC did, like the life that I started when I started writing here did.

Life is very different these days, but it's also very much the same. Through it all, this blog has continued to serve as a sacred space for me to document & share my life - as much for & with you as for & with myself. Blogging may be dead, or so says the Internet, but my blog isn't. I have no plans to give it up any time soon.

Thanks for sticking around, friends. You make this space feel pretty darn worth-it - even after a whole freaking decade.

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So Long, Sweet Summer: 18 of the Best Things I Did Before the Official Return of Autumn

So Long, Sweet Summer: 18 of the Best Things I Did Before the Official Return of Autumn

Thursday, October 1, 2015

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Truly, I can't remember a better summer - not since I was a kid, at least, when there was nothing to do but swim at the lake & ride bikes with my best friend, day after day for months. Now that it's October, I suppose I have to concede that summer is officially over, despite the fact that it's still, like, 80 degrees outside & I can't wear sweaters yet. With the turn of the calendar page, I thought I'd take a minute to pay tribute to this summer - the summer I became a Clevelander, the best summer in recent memory & maybe of my entire life.

This summer, I...

1. Had a blast at the Cleveland Flea: My biggest summer regret is that we only made it to the Flea one measly (but great) time. I would go every weekend if it were an option! Described as "part urban treasure hunt, part culinary adventure, part maker center," the Flea is a roving weekend event full of all the CLE's coolest things, from food & booze to art & crafts to vintage goods & live music. I'm hoping to make it to the October Flea so I can get my final fix before they end for the year.  

2. Consumed a ton of brunch: I've started plowing through my mental list of places to eat my favorite meal. So far, I've been to The Black Pig, Grumpy's, Lucky's... but I've gotten hung up on my new favorite, Prosperity Social Club, which I can't stop going back to. I guess I have a weak spot for any place that can rock perfect pierogis and delicious breakfast empanadas. 

3. Toured Great Lakes Brewery: GLB is Cleveland's favorite brewery, & I was excited to finally see it behind the scenes. More than anything, I was impressed by the brand's commitment to environmental sustainability & bettering the local community - & by the taste of the four beer samples, obviously.  

4. Celebrated a Browns win at a dive bar: We watched the first Browns game of the season at Booth's, a divey sports bar where the bartenders know my boyfriend by name. Whenever (if ever) they win, the owner jumps on the bar & pours Fireball into the mouths of fans who clamor around like baby birds... while the rest of the bar sings the name of former QB Brian Hoyer over & over to the tune of Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah."

5. Explored the Ohio City Street Festival: In celebration of one of Cleveland's coolest neighborhoods, we made sure to grab lunch from the Cleveland Bagel Co., which doesn't have a brick & mortar shop (so we're always thrilled to find their booth at local events). I opted for a sesame seed bagel with bacon/date schmear, & I was nottt disappointed.

6. Developed feelings for Cincinnati: My mom & I headed to the Queen City to celebrate the Fourth of July with family. I'd always considered Cincinnati to be basically Kentucky, but I was surprisingly impressed by the newly revamped waterfront area. I didn't make it back this summer as planned, but I'd love to head down again in the spring.

7. Partied at the Cleveland Ale Fest: This event took place a few steps away from my apartment... a few days before I moved in. Damn! It was a great time regardless (we took an Uber home) & was a turning point in my adult life: I typically only like cheap, disreputable beer, but on this wondrous day, I discovered half a dozen beers I really liked. Also, I ate a hot dog topped with pretzels.

8. Made my first trip to Browns Stadium: It wasn't for a Browns game, it was for... a One Direction concert. And it cost me a not-insignificant amount of money. And I am 31. But you know what? It was a great time & worth (almost) every penny. 

9. Relaxed in California: Mike & I traveled to Redondo Beach for the wedding of one of my very best friends, & then we spent a couple nights in an AirBnB just enjoying the views, eating In-N-Out, & reading books in the sun. It was, in a word, glorious.

10. Got stuck in a monsoon at a food truck festival: This was also the first time my boyfriend met my friends, so... great first impressions all around.The tacos, at least, were wonderful!

11. Gorged ourselves at Night Market Cleveland: Described as "farmer's market meets flea market meets food festival meets concert," this fest was bursting with all kinds of Asian food - pho & grilled octopus & samosas & pad Thai & pork buns - plus music, parades, & kitschy booths. Unlike at other events, most of the food booths were very subtly labeled & thus didn't feel like advertisements for the restaurants behind them. It was just food, food, food - tons of it. We were already drunk when we arrived, so we were prepared to stuff our faces. 

12. Went camping for the first time in ages: I had not been camping since I was 7 years old, & I am prone to anxiety attacks, which means that this was sort of terrifying. Ultimately, though, it was a pretty stellar time.  Spoiler alert: I did not die.

13. Went on vacation with my mom: We traveled to Hilton Head, S.C., site of all my childhood vacations, & stayed in a beach house where I haven't been since I was about 12 years old. I didn't take the week of work, so there wasn't much beaching for me, but it was enough just to be there, spending time with my mom & relaxing.

14. Enjoyed a townie carnival: My hometown hosted a strange little carnival in the parking lot of a local shopping plaza. I ate a corndog & danced to a lot of Taylor Swift & did not ride any rides because I don't have a death wish. It ended in fireworks, my favorite thing.

15. Got classy at the MIX at CMA: On the first Friday of each month, the Cleveland Museum of Art hosts an event to celebrate art, each differently themed. The theme of the July event was "Fusion," headlined by Brooklyn band Red Baraat, which combines New Orleans-style jazz, Punjabi Bhangra music, go-go, & hip-hop. So... yeah, fusion. We got dressed up, drank some too-expensive beers, & people-watched on the patio of the art museum for a couple hours.

 

16. Found some farmers markets: There's one right across the street from my apartment every Tuesday afternoon. So far, I'm obsessed with buying tiny tomatoes, peanut butter bread, & pineapple salsa from a man who goes by the name "Cowboy George."

17. Watched the sun set from Lakewood Park: Mike's roommate is a but of a sunset junkie, so when he & his girlfriend invited us to join them to watch from one of the best views in the city, we took them up on it. It was gorgeous, romantic, & took way longer than we had budgeted for the evening.

18. Fell in love: Need I say more? This summer was good to me.

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Shit Happens. Literally.

Shit Happens. Literally.

Friday, December 19, 2014

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I'm not the kind of person who discusses or blogs about bodily functions, so bear with me. This is actually a story about my new car, I promise.

Look, I'm terrified of driving. As much as I hated relying on full buses & delayed Metro trains to take me where I needed to go, one of the best things about living in a city was not driving. I'm not very good at it, & I am very, very anxious about it (you're shocked, I know).

But you can't live in the suburbs of Ohio without a car. You just can't. For four weeks, I've lived like a 15-year-old, relying on my mother to drop me off everywhere & coordinating our schedules so I could borrow her car for a taste of independence every now & then. Cars are expensive, & car-shopping is terrifying, & I am not a fan of driving, but the suburbs don't care about any of that. I had to get a car, & soon.

After a frantic Facebook post about my plans to shop for a car on my own, my uncle offered to accompany me. He did all kinds of research, found a few cars he liked for me, & we went out for a few test drives on Monday night. I found a blue 2011 Mazda 6 I liked (zoom, zoom), & we made plans to go back & seal the deal on Thursday. I was excited to be able to get places without my mother's assistance, but I wasn't necessarily excited about having a car - mostly because I was (am) still terrified of everything that accompanies the having of a car.

I talked to my therapist about some of my nervousness surrounding the whole process - getting a loan, signing my life away, making huge payments every month, &, especially, trying my damndest not to die in a fiery car accident (which is my biggest fear). Last night, when the car was finally in my possession, I told her that I was afraid to drive it because it seemed likely that I would mess it up somehow - that I would quickly destroy this pretty, shiny, new thing that I just spent a startling amount of my money to obtain.

She told me a story of her own Mazda, purchased brand new a few years ago, which she immediately drove to a relative's house for a visit. When she came outside a few hours later, she discovered that someone had backed into her brand new car while it was parked in the street. It wasn't totaled, but she did need to get a new bumper - less than 24 hours after getting the car. The moral of the story, of course, is that shit happens, & that you can't always control it, no matter how hard you try. And that cars are just material things -  expensive material things, but material things nonetheless.

I was trying to remind myself of her guidance as I sat in my new car today, trying to psych myself up to drive it. I couldn't get it to warm up, couldn't figure out how to defrost my back window, etc. etc. etc. As I flipped through the user's manual, I remembered something I'd left inside, & I got out of the car to run back into the house. That's when I saw it.

Shit. Everywhere. Literal shit.

Turns out, I stepped in a pile snow-covered dog doo in our driveway, likely deposited by my neighbor's tiny canines. And it was everywhere. All over the ground, all over my favorite black boots - and all over my pretty new car. Just... a big pile of shit, smeared into the driver's-side floormat the way an infant uses fingerpaints.

I called my mom. I sobbed. I got some carpet cleaner, & I scrubbed. I looked into the cost of having a singular floormat professionally cleaned. And then I sucked it up, wiped away my runny mascara, cleaned off my shoe... & laughed. Because what else can you do? At least I didn't have to replace my bumper.

Shit happens, man. Sometimes I feel like it happens to me a lot more than it does to the general populace, but it sure does give me a lot of stories to tell. I mean, of course I covered my new car in dog crap within 12 hours of purchasing it. Of course I did.

So much for that new car smell.

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A 2013 Recap: Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last

A 2013 Recap: Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last

Sunday, December 29, 2013

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This year...

I was published in the New York Times, even though I forgot to tell you about it here. I was honored to remember my grandmother in this way, both highly public & painfully personal.

I went to Israel for the third time, & it was just as incredible as ever.

I accidentally paid more than $200 for a haircut.

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On Not Having Any Friends, Still

On Not Having Any Friends, Still

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

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Sometimes you find yourself suddenly sobbing into the mirror while brushing your teeth at noon on a Tuesday & listening to a Top 40 song by, oh, God, Train. Now, I know that's not quite what they call "rock bottom," but it sure doesn't feel like the top, either.

I've been hesitant to write about my struggles to make friends because the last time I did, I got half a dozen anonymous comments lambasting me for being a whiner, for not trying hard enough, for not taking hold of my own destiny, or whatever. Since then, I've kept it to myself, because I'm smart enough not to invite people to kick me while I'm down. But the truth is that I'm still struggling, hard, & if I can't talk about it here, where can I?

Here's my truth right now: I've lived in Red Bank for 14 months now. In that time, I've made exactly zero friends - & it's taking its toll on me. 

I've tried, of course, but I'm just not sure how to find people. Friends have told me that to find like-minded people, I should "do what [I] love" (I think they mean things like volunteering, yoga, etc.), but with all due respect to those people, I loathe this advice because what I love to do is blog & watch TV - two activities that don't exactly lend themselves to fun after-school activities. What else do I love? Being in cities, spending time with friends. And oh, wait, those don't really apply here, either.

Originally, I adopted a mindset that if I traveled all the time - to places where I do have friends - I'd never have to cultivate one. That worked for awhile, but now it's sort of backfired: I never want to be here because I have no life here.

And it's ruining everything. I've come to resent my boyfriend & my cat for all the time we spend together, for the total dearth of other human connection in my life. I'm picking fights, inventing drama. I'm extraordinarily, alarmingly sad, to the point that, apparently, Train songs make me cry. I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental/emotional breakdown all the damn time, & while some of it can be attributed to other issues, most of it, I suspect, is related to all this goddamn loneliness.

It's not like I'm not trying. I am! I am trying!

I joined Meetup.com before I even moved here, & I check it a few times a week for possibilities. So far I've been to exactly no events. Most of them haven't interested me, or I see that all the other attendees are much older than me, so I decide not to go. I even joined a lesbian book club meetup, for crying out loud.

I keep an eye out for things like classes at the library & community centers & stuff, but nothing has caught my eye. I don't want to learn to knit & I don't have kids & I don't run 5Ks.

I joined a gym, went to a couple of classes, even got a personal trainer. Who are you supposed to talk to at the gym, though? I can't work out & talk at the same time, & I don't want to. Nobody wants to be chatted up while they're getting their sweat on. This option is ludicrous.

I work from different locations a few days a week, & I try to make small talk with people when the time is right. I've had some good small talk chats with folks I've met there - like Raoul, who another regular referred to as "the mayor of Starbucks" - but nothing worth pursuing. I even looked into coworking space, but it's $20 a day, & if I wanted to spend that much, I'd commute into my office in the city .

I meet people at bars sometimes, set my sights on befriending somebody like I'm trying to take them home. I've exchanged numbers with two girls, Abby & Meredith, though neither went anywhere - presumably because once sober, they think it's weird to be "hit on" by a potential friend. I suspect I come out of these exchanges looking desperate &/or creepy.

I emailed the local roller derby about joining, thinking I could adopt a sweet name like KATEASTROPE & check bitches on the track & become really fierce, or something. They practice every Wednesday & Sunday; given my frequent travel schedule, though, I can't commit to Sundays, so that's out.

I made plans with two people I met on Twitter, & both were really nice but nothing came of them, no big friendship sparks or mutual interest in making future plans. And now? Now both of those women are pregnant, so all hope is basically lost on that front. 

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Am I doing everything humanly possible to meet people & make friends of them? Well, no. But that's only because it's really hard, & not just to find people. It's hard in that it's emotionally exhausting, & there's so little pay-off, & it just... becomes really awful really quickly. It's embarrassing & awkward & consistently disheartening, & frankly, it sucks. Remember when you were a teenager & your mom would insist that you not use that word? Well, sorry, Mom, but this sucks. It sucks my energy & my motivation & my hopefulness out of me. It sucks my positivity away. It sucks. So if I'm not trying hard enough, it's only because it's really hard. Oh, I already said that? Because it's true.

So you tell me: What am I supposed to I do?* I'm thisclose to moving out of this town & back into a city, to someplace where I know people or at least know how to find people. I'm trying my damndest not to see that as my only option, but two & a half years into this no-friends-on-the-premises life & I don't know if I see any other solution.

Goddamn, I'm lonely.

*Disclaimer: I don't actually want you to tell me what to do unless you can do it without making me feel terrible, because I already feel terrible. If you want to tell me I'm not trying hard enough, please STFU.

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Dumps Like a Truck: Things That Go Bump in the Morning

Dumps Like a Truck: Things That Go Bump in the Morning

Monday, September 2, 2013

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I used to be such a good sleeper that in college, I was frequently guilty of snoozing until 1 or 2pm. I never ate breakfast because I always woke up after lunch; in fact, I once managed to stay asleep until 4pm (though if memory serves, that one was due in part to a particularly late night & a particularly large quantity of booze).

In keeping with my love of shut-eye, I used to be one of those people who could sleep through anything. My childhood home is less than a block from highly trafficked railroad tracks, which meant a lot of late-night choo-chooing past my window; as a result, I became adept at remaining deeply asleep throughout absolutely any noise. I could fall asleep anywhere & stay asleep through anything. It became a bizarre point of pride.

Alas, those are days are gone. I don't know exactly when the change occurred, but in my old age, I've become one of those people who, like my mother, spends most of my nights thisclose to waking up, hearing every little sound like it's happening inside my ear canal. Any time my cat finds a hair tie or a penny or a piece of tinfoil to play with in the night, I wake up grumbling & shooing him out of the room. Every morning at 5:30am when Nathan wakes up for work, I angrily awaken, tossing & turning until he walks out the door & leaves the apartment silent again. One night, while I was staying at a friend's apartment in Queens, I woke up at 2am to his upstairs neighbor loudly (& badly) singing the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Under the Bridge" - & again at 3:30am, this time to Kelly Clarkson.

I could deal with all of these things. I would be happy to wake up every single time my cat let out a mere peep if it meant that I could just sleep through the godforsaken dump truck that taunts me around 6:15am anywhere from one to three times per week.

Let me tell you about this dump truck, which is unlike all other dump trucks before it. This dump truck is louder than every other dump truck in the world, such that I have considered recording its arrival just so you'll believe me. I never know when it will arrive, because this dump truck seems not to follow any sort of schedule, but whenever it arrives, this dump truck is so loud that I may as well be sleeping inside the dumpster. To add insult to proverbial injury, the presence of this dump truck is typically accompanied by loud, crude garbagemen who engage in broey chit-chat at top volume. Did I mention that this dumpster is right below my bedroom window?

This dump truck used to come on Tuesdays, but now it comes whenever it damn well pleases or according to some actual metric that I've yet to determine. As such, there's no way to brace myself against the dump truck's noisy wrath, short of waking up at 6am every day to beat it to the punch. This is clearly not an option, so I've instead adopted a very Clint Eastwood-inspired approach to its irregular arrival, often rising against my will at 6:16 to scream out my window, "SHUT UP!" before slamming my window shut with as much force as I can muster for only having been awake for 30 seconds. Of course, I always try to yell it a little bit sideways so that the origin of the sound will be unidentifiable, & always while I'm crouched down just out of sight so my neighbors cannot identify me.

Look, there's really no point to this post at all. I just wanted to tell you that some mornings, the presence of this dump truck & the prolonged period of noisiness that accompanies it have reduced me to angry tears prior to the crack of dawn.

Get off my goddamn lawn, dump truck.

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The Day My Starbucks Life Paid Off

The Day My Starbucks Life Paid Off

Friday, August 30, 2013

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Today hasn't been great. It started out kind of crappy, if I'm being honest. Work is hectic, & I got into a really hurtful argument on Twitter, & everything's just been a little... much, you know?

Nathan got out of work early & asked if I wanted to get lunch together, so I took a break from work & we went to The Chowda House, a new seafood place that just opened up a few blocks from our place. I brought my laptop with me so that afterward, I could camp out at the downtown Starbucks for the rest of the work day.

There was some commotion happening across the street from Starbucks, but it didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. In fact, there's frequently a commotion happening across the street from Starbucks, where Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash is located. It's a comic book shop owned by Kevin Smith (he of Clerks & Mallrats fame, among others), & it serves as the set of AMC's reality show Comic Book Men, which means there are often film crews & large-ish crowds gathered outside. In fact, I was recently reprimanded by a film crewmenber for daring to - gasp! - stop on the sidewalk to take a photo of filming. Not wanting to receive another slap on the wrist this afternoon, I thought nothing of today's gathering & went in for my coffee.

But then the crowd started moving down the street, away from the comic book store, & I heard someone in the coffee shop say, "Yeah, some mayor is in town. Newark? I don't know why, though, or why anyone cares."

Ignoring the fact that such a statement hurts my heart - learn your local politics, people - I went on high alert: CORY BOOKER IS HERE? I walked outside, phone in hand, & joined the small fray walking slowly down the street with him as he greeted citizens of my fair town.

A woman turned to me right away: "Do you want to meet Mr. Booker?" she asked. "You've got to get in there! Come on, I'll take your photo."

And that's how I ended up shaking the hand of my future senator, despite a little bit of verbal bumbling on my part because I was, let's face it, slightly starstruck. Cory Booker, y'all.

"I met you once," I told him, "when you spoke to the Union for Reform Judaism."

The mayor looked surprised, in a good. "Ah, the URJ!" he responded with a smile. "Great people."

Of course, it's possible that a seasoned politician like Cory Booker is an expert bullshitter & that he does not, actually, remember speaking to the great people of the URJ way back in 2007. But hey, he made me feel like he did, & that was nice.

And I was even having a good hair day!

Still smiling like a buffoon, I made my way back into Starbucks & settled in to work - for real this time. Except...

"Does anyone ever tell you that you look like Jay from the Jay & Silent Bob movies?" I heard a female voice ask. I turned to see a grungy, pink-haired teenager behind me addressing a grungy, long-haired dude picking up a cup of coffee.

Oh, you know where this is going.

I started laughing to myself. The Jay "lookalike" turned to me & winked.

"Yeah, sometimes people tell me that."

"You look a lot like him."

"You don't say?"

"Wait. ARE YOU HIM?"

And that's how I accidentally met Cory Booker & Jason Mewes within a span of 10 minutes.

Needless to say, my day got better. And sometimes, man, it's like the universe knows I wish I lived in a city, where quirky stuff like this happens all the time. Thanks for throwing me a bone, life.

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I Can Make It On My Own, But My Heart is In Ohio

I Can Make It On My Own, But My Heart is In Ohio

Thursday, March 7, 2013

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I took a week off of work to go on a "vacation" to Ohio, but then, because I'm sort of inept & disorganized when it comes to the whole Being An Adult thing, I realized I'd double-booked my trip back to the Buckeye State at the same time as I was supposed to be in Austin for SXSW Interactive. I'd already bought plane tickets & registered for the conference, yet I still somehow thought it was in April, so when my friend Sean said, "See you at SXSW in three weeks!" & I had no idea what he was talking about, you can only imagine my surprise.

Anyway, it's three weeks later now, & the Ohio portion of my trip - the vacation part - is over. Cue the sad trombone. But all back-to-the-real-world mopiness aside, I'm really, really proud of myself for disconnecting as well as I did. In a move nearly unprecedented for me - me, who sometimes puts up "out of office messages" on the weekends out of guilt about not getting back to people quickly enough - I turned my work email off of my iPhone & only checked it once, from my laptop, for half an hour. Despite the occasional niggling panic about all the things I wasn't getting done in the office, I managed to do almost no work while I was away, which is, you know, how vacation ought to be. After a really rough few weeks at work - a few weeks that, frankly, had left me emotionally barren & professionally burned out - this trip back home was exactly what I needed.

I came back with so much to say, too. I fell asleep at night, in my childhood bed but with Nathan next to me, thinking of things to say & write & do, changes to make, steps to take. I woke up enthusiastic & inspired & excited about life - or, at least, about vacation. I thought a lot about myself & my ambitions & who I was versus who I am & whatever all of that that means, basically, in the grand scheme of My Whole Life & the subcategory of What Comes Next. As cliche as it sounds, I feel like this visit gave me a real understanding of what people mean when they say they need to "recharge their batteries."

Needless to say, there are a lot of posts swimming through my head now. There are a lot of things to say. And in true-to-me fashion, I feel like I need to say them all now or that they'll become irrelevant & untimely, so I'm tempted to just start writing each & every single one of them this very minute. But for now, for the next three hours, while I wait in a cafe at the Austin airport for Sean & our friend Daphne to get in 8:30, I'm going to check in on some work stuff, & then I'm going to close my computer & get back to reading the book I took on the plane, Dark Places by the brilliant Gillian Flynn. I know that being at SXSWi for the next few days will mean all systems go, all the time, & that certainly includes my hard drive - but I'm going to savor the remnants of my vacation while I can.

In the meantime, here are some pictures. Ohio, I love you. Thanks for restoring my sanity.

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Overheard at Starbucks

Overheard at Starbucks

Friday, June 15, 2012

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Working at home can be sort of boring, so I often work from Starbucks, but working from Starbucks can be really weird. Let me explain:

• Today I actually overheard not one but two people asking some version of, "Do you guys do iced lattes here?" Folks, this is a coffee shop.
  
  
• I also overheard a series of interviews for a job at a local boutique. During one of them, the interviewer asked her interviewee (who was wearing a sleeveless top), "So, with a background in human resources, why are you interested in retail?" The girl responded, "Well, I can't find anything in my field, & I thought retail would be great in the meantime." Unemployed, readers, take note: I think it's safe to say that's not the correct answer.
  
  
• A middle-aged stranger recently tapped me on the shoulder & told me with surprising enthusiasm, "I saw you texting the other day. You're the fastest texter I've ever seen. I was really impressed!" This prompted a short but intense conversation about my speed-texting skills. Thank you?
  
  
• A woman plopped her stuff down at a table next to mine & asked me if I'd keep an eye on her things while she got her drink. Sure, no problem. When she returned, she asked my name, shook my hand, & proceeded to tell me about her many medical ailments, including a few contagious ones. NO THANK YOU.
  
  
• I heard a young, otherwise-handsome dude ask the barista where he could catch the bus to WalMart because he needed to buy a new pair of Carharts. As he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal handwritten notes all over his flesh, it became increasingly clear that he was high on something aside from just life. As he left, he yelled over his shoulder, "Thanks, man! Sounds just dandy!"

As I finish up this post, a fellow Starbucks dweller who I once introduced myself to has spotted me from outside the establishment & is on his way in to chat, likely about his continued unemployment due to a back injury. I guess it's a good thing I'm done working, because I'm about to be talking for awhile.

Oh, strangers. You sure do keep things interesting.

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