Why I'm So Obsessed with Acupuncture

Why I'm So Obsessed with Acupuncture

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

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The first time I ever got acupuncture, I was living in New Hampshire and experiencing significant back pain. I also happened to have more disposable income than ever before, thanks to the military paying my rent (miss that). I booked an acupuncture appointment on a whim, and I was surprised to find that it was the first thing that ever truly helped relieve the chronic back pain that I’ve dealt with on and off since being diagnosed with scoliosis as a preteen.
  
I eventually left New Hampshire and started paying my own rent, and truth be told, I forgot all about acupuncture and how much I loved it. When I started my current job, though, a coworker recommended a place in Tremont, where I was living at the time. She swore up and down that it was the best acupuncture she'd ever received, so I quickly made an appointment to try it out for myself.
  
Two years later, I can’t say enough good things about the experience of seeing Fern at Acupuncture First. Her schedule speaks for itself, as she's regularly booked out weeks in advance. That’s how good she is; that’s how relaxing it is; that’s how good it feels.
   
If you’ve never had acupuncture done before, you might be a little scared about the idea of it. Needles in the skin? No, thanks! Look, I get it. I used to pass out when I had blood drawn. But acupuncture isn’t anything like that.
 
The needles are solid, not hollow. They're also so hair-thin that, for the most part, you can’t feel them going into your skin. A little bit of a twinge or a tickle every once in a while, maybe, but very, very rarely has one of them actually hurt going in. If it does, Fern quickly remedies the situation by massaging the area or by removing the needle and avoiding that area altogether.

  
Once the needles are in, nothing hurts. I’ve even been known to fall asleep on the table while waiting for her to come back to remove them!
 
When I was dealing with infertility, she focused on my abdomen; when I’m dealing with allergies, she’ll put a few needles in my forehead, or in between my eyebrows. She's helped me with the foot pain of plantar fasciitis and general back pain and plain old stress. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, she’ll add on a little bit of cupping, which feels incredible, even if it leaves me with strange, circular alien marks on my back for a few days afterward. And she always cracks my wrists, which I weirdly love.  
 
This year, I forgot to sign up for a Flex Spending Account, which I used to use to pay for acupuncture. That means I didn't get it nearly as often in 2023 as I did in 2022... because everyone knows that having an FSA feels like having free money. But never fear! I just signed back up for an FSA in 2024, and I'm champing at the bit to get back to acupuncture ASAP.

Have you ever tried acupuncture? And if not... what are you waiting for?!

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Don't Let Psychics Give You Health Advice

Don't Let Psychics Give You Health Advice

Sunday, May 21, 2023

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When I saw that an Instagram friend was in New Orleans the week before I'd be there, I of course asked for her recommendations. When she told me about a "channeler" she loved who has set up shop in Jackson Square, my fellow travelers and I were all in.

We were in town for a bachelorette party for our friend Emily, whose original event was scheduled for March 2020 and was obviously quickly canceled. Now, Emily has been married for almost three years, and their son just turned 1. But she still wanted (and deserved!) her New Orleans bachelorette party.

The channeler was younger than I expected, and more normal, somehow. She was youngish, maybe my age, and she was pretty, thin, dressed in athleisure. She sat under a striped parasol in a hot pink chair. She didn't seem like somebody who'd hustle you for money in a tourist trap of a park. 

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I'm a Boxer Now, I Guess?

I'm a Boxer Now, I Guess?

Friday, May 27, 2022

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On a whim one day in March, I joined my friend Erin at a free boxing class. I thought it was just a class, but it was actually a demo day leading up to the start of a 10-week session. I had absolutely no intention of starting 10 weeks of anything, much less boxing... but I left that hour-long class ready to try. I registered the next day.

Let me be clear: I am not particularly good at boxing, even now, seven weeks into the session. But I feel a lot like I did when I first discovered cycling classes (the first time I decided that I loved it, not the actual first time, when when I almost vomited & then cried). I feel like my body is doing something, & it's exciting, especially at a time when I am struggling so much with weight gain & body image.

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On Trying Not to Hate My Body

On Trying Not to Hate My Body

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

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Trigger warning: This post discusses weight, including my complex feelings about my own weight gain. Read at your own risk, please, especially if you, too, struggle with your weight & may be triggered by reading about my recent issues.

The only word for what has happened to my body in the past year is "ballooned." My body has ballooned. I have ballooned. I have gained about 30 lbs. in just over a year, & I'm not sure I'm done.

I haven't started eating worse. If anything, I've started eating better, cooking from home more often & making healthier choices when I go out or order in. I rarely drink anymore. And for once in my life, I actually can't remember the last time I binged. 

But it hasn't made a difference.

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At War with My Body

At War with My Body

Thursday, November 4, 2021

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TW: chronic illness, infertility, weight

For a long time — since right after my spinal fusion surgery in seventh grade — I did not think of myself as a person with chronic pain. I thought everyone walked around in physical pain most of the time. It was only when I moved to Washington, D.C., after college that I learned that most people didn’t have the pain levels I had, that most people’s bodies didn’t hurt like mine did.

I hadn’t known. I thought it was normal. I knew mine was, perhaps, worse than others, but it never occurred to me that other people had no general pain.

I guess that’s because mine has simply always been there, & I’ve always just dealt with it — like the time my back hurt so badly for two weeks that I had to wear only sports bras & carry a wheeled suitcase to work… at age 23. But I’ve learned how to manage; I’ve always managed. You have to, don’t you? You only get one body, & so you do with it what can. You adapt. You figure out how to function best with what you’re given.

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Why Don't We Tell Each Other the Bad Things?

Why Don't We Tell Each Other the Bad Things?

Monday, September 6, 2021

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Sometimes I wish it were acceptable to just, like, ask everyone for their absolute worst life updates. We all feel so inclined to give the good updates — I'm enjoying my new job, we'll start looking for houses again soon — & it just doesn't feel appropriate to give the bad ones. 

Don't you kind of feel like it would be helpful, though? To know? 

Sometimes, when you're the one going through the muck, it can be all too easy to feel like you're alone in struggle. Sure, we know, in theory, that everyone is going through something; "Be kind," Mother Theresa taught, "for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." 

But when everyone is doing such a damn good job of hiding their battles, it can feel like you're the only person in the world who's floundering. 

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My Life with Unmedicated Idiopathic Hypersomnia

My Life with Unmedicated Idiopathic Hypersomnia

Thursday, August 12, 2021

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In late 2018 & early 2019, I wrote a lot here about my experience seeking a diagnosis for my sleep issues – namely that I was sleeping all the time. I started seeing a neurologist, underwent a 24-hour sleep test, & was ultimately diagnosed with three sleep disorders & prescribed medication to help. I took that medication diligently & enthusiastically for a year. 

For various reasons, though, I've now been unmedicated for more than a year, & it's going... OK, I guess. Sometimes better than others. But some people have asked what happened with my sleep disorders after I stopped writing about them, & there's been some progress in terms of possible treatment for my primary disorder, so I figured it was time for an update.

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5 Things I Learned from My First Distance Riding Challenge

5 Things I Learned from My First Distance Riding Challenge

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

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I first learned of PeloFondo from Lara, a social media friend & host of the podcast Will You Accept This Podcast? PeloFondo describes itself as "a community event for Peloton Riders, focused on long distance mileage." You sign up, you commit to a certain amount of mileage, & you have a whole weekend to achieve it. 

I participated in my first PeloFondo April 17-18, just a month after recovering from COVID. I hadn't been riding much because my body was still just too fatigued, & I didn't want to push myself. About a week before PeloFondo, though, I started feeling better, started feeling well enough to ride again, & I did a few classes before jumping all the way in with my commitment of 35 miles.

Here's what I learned.

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Why I Can't Yet Get Vaccinated

Why I Can't Yet Get Vaccinated

Monday, April 26, 2021

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Nobody uses the term "FOMO" anymore, but right now, it's the only phrase that seems to fit my situation, Because ugh, I have such bad FOMO.

Now that every adult in the U.S. is eligible for the COVID vaccine, we who believe in the power of science should all be celebrating, right? And I am! Just... not for myself. Not yet.

In mid-March, the day after I turned the corner in terms of a few days of brutal COVID symptoms (including tachycardia, sweating, body aches, & more), I went to a nearby Cleveland Clinic* location to receive a monoclonal antibody infusion, a COVID treatment recommended for elderly & obese individuals who have asthma. My BMI just barely qualified me, but I was thrilled to be able to be shot up with antibody therapies that made me feel better within hours and made it safe for me to return to the world once I tested negative.

Here's the catch: After you've received a monoclonal antibody infusion, you can't get the COVID vaccine for 90 days.  

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How I'm Trying to Find My Chill Amid the Stress of Starting a New Job

How I'm Trying to Find My Chill Amid the Stress of Starting a New Job

Friday, April 23, 2021

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I told you last week that I was gearing up to start a new job after 13.5 years at the old one. The truth is that I did start a new job in between, way back in 2010, but it wasn't the right fit... so I ended up going back to the job I'd had before it! I'm not planning to do that this time, but the fact remains that starting a new job – even the right one – is incredibly exhausting.

Simply put, it takes a lot of brain power to do new things, even things that are technically simple. Switching from Zoom to Slack & from Basecamp to Trello & even from one laptop to another can be surprisingly taxing, creating new mental pathways that identify my "new normal." And that's on top of learning the ins & outs of the job itself & interacting with a whole slew of brand new people. 

In short, it's stressful to be the person who doesn't know anything. So I'm trying my best to stay calm & cool & collected (lol, yes, so in keeping with my personality) by feeling in control of other areas of my life. Here's how.

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365 Days of Not Being a Mom

365 Days of Not Being a Mom

Thursday, January 21, 2021

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It's hard to believe that today marks one year since I learned of my miscarriage, since setting into motion the double D&Cs it took to get my body back to normal. But it's not back to normal, is it? I'm not back to normal.
 
In the midst of my miscarriage, I thought, "I will remember every moment of this, & I will write it all down later. I will tell my version of this story for women who can't figure out how to tell their own." It felt too painful in the moment, though, too much emotional energy I didn't have – & I found that when I "recovered," I didn't have it in me anymore to tell that story, to go back, to delve that deep.
 
I remember most vividly those days before the miscarriage, when I knew that nothing was living or growing inside me anymore but hadn't yet undergone the procedure to finalize it. I remember walking through Target & WalMart like a zombie, equal parts trying to ignore the baby sections & drawn to them, like I couldn't help but immerse myself in the midst of the most painful possible place to be. Surrounded by strollers & diaper rash cream & pacifiers & onesies, hands on my lower stomach, I breathed deeply & quietly & told myself, "I am not a mom anymore."
 
There's something weird that happens, mentally, when you learn that you're pregnant, a mental shift from "This body is mine" to "This body is yours" – a moment in which you realize that while you're still yourself, you're also something else, something new, a protective vessel for a burgeoning life. For that one mere month that I knew I was pregnant, everything I did was designed to sustain, support, & grow that life, to ensure that the baby inside me was protected & provided for – to give my child the beginning they deserved.
 
And so, in those in-between moments, when I learned that my body had failed in its role of protector & provider but before I'd gone into surgery to make it "official," I felt more helpless than ever before – like a failure who hadn't even done anything wrong. I'd gone from not-a-mother to mother-to-be to just plain old me again, all in the span of just over a month. And maybe it shouldn't have been long enough to change me, but I did.
 
Before my miscarriage, I was never really sure whether I wanted kids. I thought I wanted to adopt, maybe; I had no real interest in the specifics of being pregnant, didn't want some foreign body taking over my body, distorting & destroying my already-warped view of the flesh in which I life. I never felt the tick of that proverbial biological clock, never felt like I was missing out, never experienced any jealousy or envy over pregnant women or parents.
 
Until I did.
 
For the last 365 days, it has felt as though everyone is getting pregnant & having babies but me – & as much as I hate experiencing that jealousy & envy, as much as it makes me feel like a jerk & a failure & a sore loser (to put it bluntly), I can't seem to help it. Every pregnancy announcement is tinged with pain; there's joy, of course, because I love my friends, & I'm not a monster. But the hurt that comes with it – the "Why her & not me? Why not me, too?" thoughts that accompany it – eat away at me, sending me into a small tailspin every time.
  
I am embarrassed by it, almost, disgusted by it – by how simple & basic & common it all feels, to suddenly feel the desperate urge to be a mother, to experience jealousy & envy toward those who are, to to struggle this much with my feelings about it, which all seem to have changed so quickly & so dramatically. I was always so proud of being a woman who wasn't defined by my status as a parent or lack thereof, & sometimes I'm ashamed to have fallen into the age-old trope of "older woman desperate to have a child."
 
I just keep thinking there's something so cruel about the fact that I spent the entirety of my 20s trying so desperately not to get pregnant, only to find that getting pregnant is actually pretty difficult. There's something deeply & existentially unfair about having been so responsible in my lack of sureness about having a child, & then, upon deciding I'm sure, discovering that perhaps I am too old or my body too broken to have a child after all.
  
In this moment, I am just short of 36 & a half years old; at one time, I thought that by now, I would be the mother of a 5-month-old, but every day that passes leaves me one day older, one day closer to "too "late." I know many women my age & older have kids, that I am not doomed, & that even if I cannot have children of my own, adoption is still an option. I know this isn't over; I know this has, in some ways, barely begun. I know there is more to come. I know now, with certainty, that Mike & I want to be parents, & that we will work to make sure it happens.
  
But in the meantime, I'm just left with the wanting – with the ache of having been there, almost, of feeling like we were on the way toward parenthood. With the pain of having chosen a name & envisioned a future & started to change our life to accommodate someone else's presence within it.
 
In this moment, I'm reminded – yet, again, like I have been nearly every day for the past 365 of them – that I am not yet a mother, & that I do not know when or if I ever will be. That this journey is not going to be easy & clear-cut & straightforward & storybook. That we can't make our bodies do what we want them to do, & that try as we might, we don't have the power to bend the future to our whims.
 
We'll keep trying. We'll keep hoping. And until then, we'll keep grieving, too. 

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What Life Looks Like Right Now

What Life Looks Like Right Now

Thursday, January 14, 2021

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Sometimes when I don't know what the hell to write about or don't have the brain capacity for a "themed" post, I just do these round-up posts that round up... life lately. What have you been up to? Here's where my brain is these days. 

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Let's Talk about Anger: How Do You Deal?

Let's Talk about Anger: How Do You Deal?

Friday, December 11, 2020

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This doesn't feel great to admit, but: I used to have a bad temper. Not, like, a violent temper, but definitely a temper. The door to my childhood bedroom is still broken at the bottom from the time I slammed it shut & kicked it in anger as a teenager... & my foot went straight through to the other side. (Sorry, Mom.)

With time, age, & a lot of personal effort, I've gotten my temper largely under control. Recently, I found myself in a situation where I was furious; I'd just gotten some upsetting news, & I was so mad about it that I just... didn't know what to do with myself. 

When I finally calmed down, after having dealt with my anger in a number of healthy, responsible wats, I got to thinking about how much I've changed in this particular area. Sure, I sometimes still yell when I'm angry, but don't we all? Honestly, I'm pretty proud of myself. 

Anyway, after all of that thinking, I thought I'd share with you the ways I deal with my anger in mostly healthy ways... & I'd love to hear your tips, tricks, & time-tested emotional survival skills, too.

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I Thought I Was Going to Become a Mom This Month

I Thought I Was Going to Become a Mom This Month

Monday, August 17, 2020

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I was at a work conference in Chicago when I began to suspect I was pregnant. The day I returned home, I verified it with literally six at-home pregnancy tests, all of which told the same story: baby on board – or embryo on board, at least.

I was ecstatic & panicked & in a total "now what?!" tailspin. I told Mike the week before Christmas, announcing it with a Harry Potter onesie ("Mischief Managed") & a handwritten snowflake ornament that read "Baby Kaput, Gryffindor, Coming August 2020." 

We knew it was too soon to tell people, according to societal norms, but we told a few loved ones anyway. We couldn't help ourselves; we were thrilled.

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I Have Hobbies Now

I Have Hobbies Now

Monday, June 22, 2020

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Prior to the coronavirus pandemic, if you'd asked me what my hobbies were, I would've said reading & writing; I would've said that I don't have any other hobbies. But you know what I haven't done much of of under quarantine? Reading or writing. 

I've read just five books since this began, but four were reread on audiobook, which doesn't seem to count? My lack of writing speaks for itself, too, evidenced by the minimal posts seen here as of late.

Instead, I've been... you know, trying other stuff. I've been working a lot, & while I feel extremely fortunate to be employed, I've been working so much that I don't want to spend any of my free time in front of a screen if I don't have to.

Here's what I've been up to instead.

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When You Have to Cancel Everything To Take Care of Yourself

When You Have to Cancel Everything To Take Care of Yourself

Thursday, January 23, 2020

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People talk a lot about self-care. Heck, I talk a lot about self-care. Everybody loves a bath bomb & lavender essential oils & a solo movie night.

And I've talked, too, about the kind of self-care that comes with true mental health issues - the times when you need to talk a day off work & sleep for hours, or when you need to force yourself to shower, or when all you can do is zone out in front of the TV & at least make sure you eat & drink.

And then there are times when self-care is just about self-maintenance. About not letting yourself drown. About keeping your head above water until a rescue dinghy comes out to grab you & you can breathe easy again. Sometimes your legs hurt & your lungs are burning while you tread water, & self-care is just making sure you don't let the waves take you under.

And that's where I am right now.

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I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

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I come from an athletic family. My grandparents were hikers - they walked multiple miles every day, even into their 80s - & my mom, who was a swimming champion in her teens, is big into biking.

The most athletic among us, though, are her brother & his family. They're exercise people, you know? They run for fun. They do push-ups while watching TV. They travel with workout gear. One cousin has run races all over the world, & the other started a running group in Cincinnati, where she lives.

And me? I'm decidedly not an athlete.

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Six Months Later: A Check-Up, a Check-In, & a Few New Goals

Six Months Later: A Check-Up, a Check-In, & a Few New Goals

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

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In March, I wrote about how scared I am of going to the dentist’s office. It’s hard to believe that less than a year later, I’ve almost fully gotten over this longstanding fear – but I think I have!

In April, I went to the dentist for the first time in a whopping four years. Or was it five? I’m trying not to remember, honestly, because I’m not going back to that life. Nope. Now I’m a grown woman who gets my teeth cleaned every six months. Seriously. I’ve done it twice already.

I’ll pause while you pat me on the back.

Thank you, thank you.

Anyway. After that first visit, I shared my tips for being less nervous about dental appointments – including a few from my very personable, wonderful hygienist, Sandra at Hudec Dental’s Ohio City location. I’ve been taking my own tips to heart, & they’re working – because last month, I went back for my six-month cleaning & check-in, & I felt totally fine about it. Mostly I was just excited to see Sandra. Now that was an unexpected relief!

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I Went to a Very-Uncharacteristic-of-Me Yoga & Meditation Retreat

I Went to a Very-Uncharacteristic-of-Me Yoga & Meditation Retreat

Monday, November 18, 2019

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Even though I now own three decks of affirmation cards, one tarot deck, & multiple crystals, I still don't consider myself into "woo-woo" things. At this point, I'm probably straight-up lying to myself, but you know what? Let me be.

Here's another extremely woo-woo thing for me to have done: At the end of October, I spent an entire Sunday in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, where I was one of a handful of women who participated in Good Karma CLE's RemembHER: A RemembHER Retreat.

It was "a day retreat designed to unearth our stories and reclaim our power; to dust off our bones and greet our truest selves; to release the weight of entombed expectations." And based on that very beautiful but also very vague description, I had almost no idea what to expect of the event.

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It's OK Not to Be OK (But It Still Sort of Sucks)

It's OK Not to Be OK (But It Still Sort of Sucks)

Friday, November 15, 2019

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I have not been OK.

I mean, let me back up: I am functionally OK. I am safe, & I am fed & clothed & dry & for all intents & purposes, I am healthy. Yes, even mentally. I am OK on all the fronts that really matter, overall.

But I am not exactly OK, you know?

Life feels really hard right now.

This year has been busier than any other year of my life. To be honest, I don't know exactly why that is, but it is.

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