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Signage
Showing posts with label Signage. Show all posts
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The Importance of Juxtaposition

Friday, September 14, 2012

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Location, location, location!

I'm inclined to think that whichever one of these fine establishments moved into the strip mall second, this statement holds true: There were some serious oversights in judgment that occurred on the part of the store owners, or at least some impressive exercises in willful ignorance.


Is this better than, worse than, or the same as the fact that the emergency veterinarian's office in Portsmouth was located next door to a Chinese buffet?*

These jokes write themselves, guys.

*I am really hypersensitive to the fact that I could possibly be accused of being a racist for this one. I LIKE CHINESE FOOD & DO NOT THINK IT'S MADE OF CATS.
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Starbucks Can Neither Spell Nor Give Me Coffee

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

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When I approached Starbucks at 5pm today, I was fiending for a latte so badly that I didn't even notice the terrible spelling errors present on the sign on their door; what I DID notice was that the sign told me I could not get a latte. It wasn't until I tweeted this disappointment-induced photo that I realized what I'd missed - and even then, it was only because others responded with such horror.

Caffeine is a powerful drug, it seems, because this is too egregious for me to have missed.
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Don't Let Peter Dinklage on This Bus!

Friday, February 3, 2012

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Just what sort of things do the good folks at C&J expect their passengers to throw away in the provided trash cans?!

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Also Known As "Everything"

Thursday, January 5, 2012

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Is this phraseology a New England thing or a quirky-brunch-spot-down-the-road-from-me thing?
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Those Garbanzo Beans Sure Are Stylish

Monday, October 31, 2011

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Please tell me I'm not the only grammar nerd who finds this salad bar sign hilarious.
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Readin' Good & Votin' for Rockstars

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

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Sometimes I think there should be some sort of IQ test citizens are required to take before they're allowed to vote. But based on my experiences in attempting to vote last week, I wouldn't have passed, by my own standards.

My friend Sean & I decided to avoid the dreaded Election Day lines by voting early at the Summit County Board of Elections, where neither of us had ever been. We Google Mapped it & were on our merry, democratic way.

But when we arrived, the doors were locked. But only because we failed to read a sign that said to use a different set of doors. But those were locked, too. But only because we failed to read three ginormous yard signs, printed in block letters, directing would-be early voters to a satellite location a few miles away. Reading/planning fail.

It seems, though, that the Summit County BOE is eager to make its voters feel welcome - & to eliminate reading problems wherever possible. Case in point: this massive sign. If we'd missed this one, we'd have had a real comprehension problem on our hands. And look! They'd even reserved a parking spot for us! Whew. The joint was really jumpin', as you can tell:


This satellite location was, like, an old Sam's Club or something, a big, echo-y warehouse with tinted sliding glass doors. The kind of place where creepy men take teenage women after they've abducted them. But instead of abuctors or gang members (because shoot-'em-up scenes & bank heist planning always occurs in old warehouses), we entered to find approximately 16 staffers milling about - despite the fact that Sean & I were the only ones casting our early ballots.

The point of this post is three-fold. Firstly, I wanted you to know that I am apparently unable to read. Secondly, that voting is important & that you should exercise your democractic right/responsibility by doing it, either now or come November 2nd. But most importantly, you should do it the correct way. Lucky for you, the Summit County BOE has an easy how-to guide posted in each voting booth:


I hope Janis wins, but she probably won't get enough votes, so, you know, I'm rooting for Ted Strickland instead.
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Problems in Voting: A Write-In Wrong

Thursday, October 23, 2008

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So, it's election season & all, which you're probably aware of because, I mean, I guess some people have been talking about it a little tiny bit. But for all the discussion of our Presidential candidates, it's important to bear in mind that you'll be voting for state & local politicians in this election, too. If you're living in the District of Columbia like me, you may have seen signs advertising candidates for City Council. I pass approximately seven of these puppies on the three-block walk from my apartment to the Metro. Can you spot the problem?




No, the problem is NOT the cheesy slogan (incidentally, I used to own a shirt that said that. Seriously). No, the problem here is that this write-in candidate has not told me what LAST NAME to write in.

In all fairness, her full name is on the other side of the sign (the one stuck in the bush), but why isn't that side facing out instead of jammed into the foliage???
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"Constant Vigilance" & the Importance of Grammar

Saturday, September 27, 2008

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Apparently the management at the Chinatown Teaism was trained at the Mad-Eye Moody School of Paranoia. While I appreciate the sentiment & the advice, I can't possibly take such a sign seriously, at least not without hearkening to Hogwarts.

And while we're at it with the crazy signage and the importance of schooling, I present you with an English lesson, courtesy of the bathroom at Georgetown's Bangkok Bistro:


And a zoom on the closing, in case you can't see it:

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Got milk?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

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Rave Review?

Thursday, July 31, 2008

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This is posted in large print & framed outside Dino, a fairly swanky Cleveland Park restaurant, but I've got to wonder... is this really the sort of review they want to showcase???


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"Sorry, You're Just Not My Thaip."

Monday, July 28, 2008

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My favorite D.C. dining location is dead.

OK, that's not technically true: Five Sala Thais still exist throughout the District. But my favorite, the one that taught me to appreciate Thai food & cultivated in me a certain level of embarrassment when its staff began to remember my name & order, has officially kicked the bucket. Yes, the Uptown Sala Thai is now Paragon Thai, a more expensive version of, well, the exact same thing. My beloved Chicken Ka Prow is now a whopping $1.00 more, and the delivery fee has been upped by an unacceptable three bones.

Needless to say, I am devastated.

I am, however, wildly entertained by the grand opening banner running across Paragon Thai's newly launched Web site. Observe the screen shot below:

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My Day at the Doc: Real-Life Potty Humor

Thursday, June 5, 2008

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In my search for a D.C. doctor, two coworkers recommended I see their internist, rated one of the best in the district by The Washingtonian. Yesterday, said doc sees me briefly before referring me two floors up to get some blood work done. Imagine my surprise when I arrive to find what amounts to a free clinic, crawling with crazies (shocking!) & an African-American albino (actually shocking!) & a patient named Antoinette Braxton (hilarious).

Following my blood test, during which I blacked out, I was asked to give a urine sample. The two bathrooms at said clinic, however, had both just been cleaned & wouldn’t be available for another 20 minutes – sort of ridiculous since urine samples are one of two things they do at the clinics. Tired of waiting, I agreed to use the restroom across the hall, grabbing my sample cup & heading for the lobby, where I noticed that, in classic free clinic style, the waiting room was filled with dozens of patients.

It was only then that I realized I’d have to walk through this same room in a few minutes… carrying a cup of my own pee. I might as well have been holding a sign that read, "Look at me! I'm dehydrated!" I headed off to this sketchy bathroom with a cupful of soap rather than a dispenser (see below) & then embarrassedly rushed back through the waiting room with my sample wrapped in a towel. Like no one knew what it was?!


To top it off, I blacked out again in the elevator, woozy from the blood test. Three strangers came to my rescue – one bought me Gatorade, another gave me Jolly Ranchers & a third handed me a wet washcloth for my neck. Who ever said city folk are heartless?
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Snark & Social Justice

Thursday, May 15, 2008

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Environmental conservation? The big city indie movie theatres know how to do it, yo. I'll keep drying my hands on my jeans, but I sure do appreciate the effort.
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"Just Wanted to Feel the Power Between My Legs"

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

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This was the view from outside my friend Katie's window this morning. I know I often say, "Only in D.C.," but this time I really mean it.



P.S.: Name the movie this post's title comes from!
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Dining Out in the District (The Please-Forgive-Me Post)

Monday, March 17, 2008

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If I give you a lot of pictures, will you try to ignore the fact that I haven't posted in 18 days??? It won't happen again - promise!


_________




You've heard of bread bowls? Kanlaya Thai in Chinatown takes it to the next level. Jonah ordered "chicken pineapple," which came in... half a pineapple. The waiter informed us that this dish is "very popular," which makes me wonder how many pineapples Kanlaya goes through per day. Weird.





I always knew The Big Hunt in Dupont was a classy joint -- this is the same restaurant where the waitress won't bring you your rail drink if you call it by its "fancy name" -- but the graffiti in the upstairs bathroom takes the cake as far as class goes.





Things you expect to find in the women's restroom at your average bar: paper towels, beer bottles, tampon wrappers... banana peels? I spotted all of the above on a late-night at Garrett's in Georgetown. Who was getting their 4 - 5 servings in the ladies' room?! Super sanitary, I know.



Yes, I pulled a cheesy tourista move in stopping on a crowded sidewalk to be the girl who takes a photo of the sign outside Big Wong in Chinatown. Come on, who let this happen? Really?





For the life of me I can't remember where I took this -- but this is the sort of bathroom graffiti you only see in D.C.



When the banquet folks at the Sheraton National in Arlington, VA, were coming up with centerpiece ideas, I think the discussion probably went something like this. "Yeah, let's do some extravagant floral arrangements on the buffet tables." "Um, sir, the prices are up on fresh flower these days..." "Well, shit, does anyone have a red pepper & some asparagus? Cuz that'll do the trick, too."
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A Brief Study on Eating Habits in the District

Monday, February 18, 2008

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Exhibit A)

In the heart of the U.S., Thai food abounds -- and so, apparently, do bad puns. In case Thai Phoon wasn't horrific enough, I present to you my (very classy) new favorite, located in Logan Circle. How is it that a place this place offensive hasn't sunk already? Ba-dum-chhh, I'll be here all night.


Exhibit B)

Just because you pay $1000+ in monthly rent doesn't mean you're also cashing in on the most up-to-date new kitchen appliances. Case in point? This monstrosity of a microwave, sitting on the curb outside a snazzy Dupont townhouse. I'm pretty sure you could time travel in this thing, or at least generate some madly cancerous rays.

Exhibit C)
On a personal note, the contents of my refrigerator are still the saddest thing I have seen since... well, since I took a picture of that microwave a few hours ago, but you get the point. I just "cooked" one Pillsbury Grand & one Morningstar Farms faux-sausage patty in my toaster oven to create a delightful breakfats sandwich for one. Ohhh, the creative things you think of when you're kitchenless.
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The Abduction That Never Was & The Dance Party That Wouldn't End

Saturday, February 16, 2008

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Want to know how awesome last night was? Last night was so awesome that at one point, I texted two friends from Ohio to say, "I'm at U St. & Clifton in D.C. In case I get abducted, I want someone to know where I am." Last night was so awesome that I forced Ben & Arielle to take a cab the final three blocks of our walk to the Wonderland Bar because I was that convinced we were about to get mugged. Last night was so awesome that the cab drive only charged us $6 instead of $11 because he said it wasn't safe for us to be out walking.

Once we arrived at said bar, however, the night became actually awesome. Wonderland is this awkward pseudo-hipster bar, the kind I'd be into at home if such places existed in the 'burbs. When we arrived, a makeshift dance party was in the works, led by (among others) a guy with intense 'chops wearing an Elmo tee and a shiny green jacket with GRISWOLD emblazoned across the back.

We had a helluva time establishing different genres of dancers -- i.e. the clappers, the snappers, the side-steppers, the hands-in-the-airers, the robotics, the girl who looked like a tranny who pulled a lot of showy "look at me!" moves. In the end, we caved & joined the fray & danced til we literally were so sweaty we couldn't bear to be in public anymore.

And on the way out, we noticed this light switch ---

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Passive Threats from the Vintage Beyond

Monday, January 21, 2008

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In November, I wrote about happy graffiti on the window of a consignment shop near my house. Apparently it's a common thing -- the owner changes the window message every month or so. I didn't post about December's message because it was too freaking weird, although in retrospect, that's exactly why I should have mentioned it here. It read "MANDERIN he will be cold in winter," which doesn't make any sense, any way you slice it (& it's also misspelled, although that's the least of its issues).

But is it just me, or does January's message seem almost hostile?

The best part, in my opinion, is the display of porcelain & glass clowns on the windowsill below this message, as though smoking the good old cancer sticks will actual morph you into a small, colorful circus performer instead of a shriveled mass of death.

Or maybe the best part is the message on the window next to it.

Yowza.
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Merry Belated Christmas to all my Detainee Friends

Monday, December 31, 2007

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Apparently I forgot to throw down this photo before Jesus' birthday passed, but it's better late than never, right? I mean, I don't think the Christ child was actually even born on December 25th - didn't the New Testament's calendar scheduler eff it up because he thought a winter birthday sounded cozy? Or something?

This picture was taken at Kramerbooks & Afterwords, the ballerest bookstore in existence. Sort of. Anyway, I like it a lot, & so did Monica Lewinsky, who purchased "Vox," a book about phone sex, here. Ken Starr subpoened those purchase records, so this place is basically legend, in addition to being all-around awesome & serving really stellar butternut squash ravioli at its restaurant.

Where else would you see such a sign but in the nation's freedom-lovin' capital?



And can someone tell me why Charles Shulz's Peanuts book fits into the detainee category?Am I missing a major chunk of historical info?
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The Winter Warm & Fuzzies

Sunday, November 4, 2007

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Boy, do I love happy graffiti. This is on the window of a consignment shop near my apartment.



On second thought, this might not meet my definition of "happy graffiti." It's sort of depressing, & not actually graffiti, assuming the store owner put it up there herself for customers & passersby. Either way... I love it.
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