Hello, Helo! Meet the Cat that Reddit Gave Me

Hello, Helo! Meet the Cat that Reddit Gave Me

Saturday, August 22, 2015

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One of the many difficult aspects of my breakup in early 2014 was leaving my cat behind. It didn't make sense for me to take President Thomas J. Whitmore with me to D.C., knowing that I'd be living in the apartment equivalent of a shoebox, when he had so much space to roam at our place in New Jersey.

So Whitmore stayed in the Garden State, & I went to the capital, but I confess that I miss him even still, almost two years later. I've even been known to tear up when I think back on my time with him, much to the amusement/confusion/disgust of some of my anti-cat friends. I know Whitmore is happy & healthy in New Jersey, being taken care of by people who love him as much as I did, & certainly he has forgotten about me by now. Yet for some reason, I'd been struggling to do the same.

Obviously, a new cat sounded like just the ticket for moving forward.

My new apartment is just blocks away from the Cleveland Animal Protective League, & I had originally planned to go there to decide which of their dozens of orphaned cats was my perfect match. But then my friend Lindsey found a post on Reddit by a girl in my neighborhood - just three blocks away! - who recently found a stray cat on the highway, so malnourished they'd originally thought he was a kitten. Now that he was healthy again, she was looking for a forever-home for him.

Uhhh, sold.

Just like when I found my apartment online, I looked at the pictures of this cat & knew I wanted him. One night earlier this month, I went over to the Redditor's house for a quick visit, which only solidified my decision: This cat was comin' home with me. His foster owner agreed to keep him for another week while I was on vacation, & the day I got home, I went to get him.

She'd been calling him Chase, because she'd had to chase him down to rescue him. Chase is a cute name & all, but I'm big on naming my cats after TV & movie characters, & I wanted this little guy to follow in that storied personal tradition. I first thought I wanted to name him Omar, after Omar Little of The Wire & Omar Vizquel of the 1990s Cleveland Indians, but when I finally got him home, he just didn't feel like an Omar.

I brainstormed for all of 36 hours before deciding on a name: Helo, after a sleeper favorite from Battlestar Galactica. There are other BSG characters I like more, but somehow, Helo seemed liked the perfect name - & so Helo he is.

Things are going well so far, most of the time, except at 6a.m., when Helo is basically a tiny furry terrorist who meow-screams for food & hates when I close the bathroom door because it means he can't lay underneath my claw-foot tub. The rest of the time, he's adorable & cuddly & soft & perfect, following me around the apartment & headbutting me for forced petting & just generally being insufferably cute.

In other words? He is exactly what I needed to make my apartment feel like home.

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These Streets Are Yours, You Can Keep Them

These Streets Are Yours, You Can Keep Them

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

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I was in Philly for a wedding earlier this month, & I decided to turn it into a more of a vacation than just a quick weekend away. I couldn't find flights under $350, so I planned to make the six-hour drive to the City of Brotherly Love, but I knew that, exhausted & possibly hungover, I wouldn't be keen to make the drive back to Ohio the morning after the wedding.

And so I went to New Jersey for two days.

Specifically I went to Red Bank, where I lived for a year & a half - &, yes, where my ex-boyfriend still lives. I know what you're wondering: No, I didn't go for him. No, I didn't see him while I was there or even talk to him ahead of time. We were on good terms for awhile, & while I guess we still are, we don't talk anymore - which is, I suppose, the way breakups are supposed to work. I worried the whole time that I would run into him around a corner & that I'd seem like a huge creep for being there, until I remembered that people who live in the same cities break up all the time & do probably run into each other, so once wouldn't kill me. Anyway, it didn't happen.

And anyway, I didn't go for him. I went for me.

When I left Red Bank in November 2013 to live alone in Washington, D.C., we decided to try the long-distance thing. I went back to New Jersey for a two-week visit over Christmas, & when I went back to Washington, D.C., I never expected that I wouldn't return - but we broke up on January 4th, & that was that.

There are a lot of things I miss about living in Red Bank, even though I know that leaving was the right decision for me at the time. It's just such a nice place - quirky & cool, with a distinct little downtown full of cupcake bakeries & consignment shops & an indie movie theater & a board game store & the best taco place ever & Kevin Smith's comic book shop &... I didn't love living there, but that's not because it's not a great place. It is. And lately, I'd found myself missing it, like I'd never gotten to say goodbye - because I hadn't, I guess.

So I went back. I stayed in a teeny-tiny hotel room in an historic inn just steps away from my old apartment, on the base of the beautiful Navesink River. I had no plans except to do whatever the hell I felt like doing in the moment, which translated into: sleeping in, shopping, drinking a lot of lattes, eating multiple tacos & macarons, visiting an old lighthouse, wandering around parks in very cold weather, & driving by the beach because it was too cold to get out of my car. And then, when I didn't feel like doing anything anymore? I went back to my hotel room & slept, or caught up on my favorite TV shows, or wrote, or read magazines, or... did whatever the hell I felt like doing in the moment, like I said. And it was glorious.

For some reason, I'd been newly having a bit of a hard time with the breakup, despite the fact that it happened 15 months ago; I guess I've been having a hard time in general, with life. I worried that heading to the town formerly home to my now-decimated relationship would be depressing, particularly after a weekend of joyful celebrations of someone else's love. I feared I was setting myself up for sadness & wallowing & dredging up old memories that are better left buried. But you know what? It was some of that, I guess, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Mostly, it was just cathartic & quiet & perfect.

I listed to Bastille's "These Streets" a lot throughout my visit, setting it to play on repeat as I walked up & down the streets of a town I used once knew so well. A lot of those old memories did come flooding back, but instead of pushing them down, I spent some time with each of them, turning them over in my mind, savoring them, & saying goodbye to them. It was bizarre, really, to know that my ex-boyfriend (& our cat) was just a few miles up the road, & to realize that not only do I not know this town anymore, but I don't know him anymore, either. I cried more than once, remembering the people we were & the life we had & the future we tried for; they all seem so, so far away, like someone else's story.

It was hard sometimes, yes, but it was peaceful, too. Mostly, it was closure, the kind that sticks. And as I hummed along to the album that got me through that breakup, I knew this was the last song of my personal soundtrack - that I wouldn't need to come back to Red Bank again. I might want to, maybe, but I didn't need to anymore. This did it.

Goodbye, New Jersey. You're a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

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Top This, 2015: A Quick Look Back at 2014's Notable Moments

Top This, 2015: A Quick Look Back at 2014's Notable Moments

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

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I know we're already a few days into 2015, but let's pause for a moment, shall we? I'd like to dedicate this post to our dearly departed friend, 2014, for a quick look back at a few of the most memorable happenings within its 365-day span. Here goes.

***

I rang in 2014 in Philadelphia with my then-boyfriend & his family, throwing a handful of confetti that a stranger gave us just after midnight, & later I returned to my new apartment, lonely but hopeful.

I broke up with said boyfriend of 3.5 years, something I neither announced on the blog nor elsewhere because it was painful & personal, & contrary to public belief, I do not actually share everything online.

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The 29 Best Things About My 29th Birthday

The 29 Best Things About My 29th Birthday

Sunday, August 11, 2013

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Last Monday, I turned 29. I thought there would be a lot of anxiety associated with beginning the official countdown to 30, but I have a pre-birthday habit of spending a couple weeks referring to myself by my almost-age, which means that when the time comes, I'm already comfortable with the new number. It worked like a charm this year, & instead of anxious, I found myself more laid back than ever - which is, perhaps, a sign that I'm becoming an adult after all!

Here, in no particular order aside from pseudo-chronological, are the 29 best things about my 29th birthday.

1. The Acer Aspire M laptop Nathan got me for my birthday, which he gave to me on Friday so I could use it over the weekend
2. The note he included in the box, which made me cry & is now tacked up on the bulletin board above my new desk (see #)
   
3. Sleeping in just little bit, but not enough to impede the day (10:00), & waking up gently on my own, rather than to my mother's annoyed insistence
4. Waking up to a small spread of gifts, from both my boyfriend & my mom, framed by an adorable felt birthday banner & a bunch of colorful balloons
   
   
5. Also waiting for me when I awoke: Homemade brunch of cinnamon French toast, crispy bacon, fruit salad, & mimosas
6. Opening my gifts: a pretty mixed-metal necklace from Ten Thousand Villages from my mom, & from Nathan, some practical post-laptop things, like an umbrella, a wireless mouse, & Men in Black on BluRay. OK, so they weren't all practical!
7. The weather, which was gorgeous, sunny, & not too hot. Being born in August, I am accustomed to not wanting to leave the air conditioned house on my birthday. Every year.
8. Because the weather was so nice, this year found me pleasantly surprised to be able to wear shorts & a sweater, my ideal combo. I have never worn a sweater on my birthday ever.
   
9. Drinking a superb, just-sweet-enough iced latte from America's Cup, my favorite coffee shop in Asbury Park
10. Checking out my favorite antique store in the area, the Antique Emporium - 20,000 square feet of antiques jewelry, furniture, clothes, decor, electronics, & truly absurd knick-knacks, like this Jimmy Buffet bird statue, which was my favorite find of the day.
     
11. Finding a pair of bright red, real leather boat shoes for just $15 - in my size! Bought them, obviously, though they were my second favorite find of the day, because that bird is just too good.
12. Walking the not-at-all-crowded boardwalk at Asbury Park on aforementioned gorgeous, sunny, not-too-hot day
     
13. Wandering into some of the little shops along the boardwalk, where I bought an Asbury Park tee & discovered a bowl of wooden bottle openers carved into the shape of penises. 
14. Exploring some of the abandoned & Sandy-struck buildings at either end of the boardwalk, including an old casino that now bears this awesome octo-flapper graffiti inside.
      
15. Taking black & white photos with Nathan in an old-timey(ish) photo booth. They turned out so cute I can hardly stand it & are now on display in the corner of our bedroom mirror. 
16. Spotting this fantastically terrible hairstyle at the beach. What is this???
    
17. Discovering that Mogo was open! We've twice tried to eat from this Korean taco stand, which was closed both times. It's the highest-rated "restaurant" on Yelp in Asbury Park. I went with the bulgogi tacos, but it was a tough choice.
     
18. Eating our (delicious) tacos on a bench facing the Atlantic Ocean - feet up, sunglasses on, just hangin' out & talking about life.
19. Witnessing my mother's enthusiasm for being at the beach. She didn't want to leave!
    
20. Making a quick stop at the mall that turned into a not-that-quick shopping trip that yielded a sweatshirt, two sweaters, a gingham button-up, & a small Sephora haul. Score!
21. Eating dinner at Muang Thai, which has become arguably my favorite restaurant in Red Bank. Their chicken basil has officially surpassed the same dish at my favorite D.C. places - which is saying a lot, considering I once made it my mission to find the best ka prow in the District.
     
22.  Enjoying a bottle of Cupcake prosecco while we ate. Like most restaurants in the area, Muang Thai is BYOB, which means we can bring whatever we please.
     
23. Moving my grandmother's old, wooden desk into my office. She passed away in 2011, & my mom has been hanging onto the desk for me ever since. I feel closer to her, having that familiar piece of furniture in my apartment, to be used every single day. 
24. Catching up on MasterChef, my current favorite reality TV obsession.
25. Filming my YouTube video for VEDA, Vlog Every Day in August, & watching other people's videos. Watch my birthday video below, & check out the rest, if you're so inclined.
     
26. Spending this excellent birthday with my two favorite people. Nathan & I both took the day off work, & it was a treat to have my mom in town for a few days.
27. Being on the receiving end of what felt like a million kind text messages, cards, voicemails, tweets, Facebook posts, & Instagram comments wishing me a happy birthday. I felt so loved! I think everyone should treat everyone like it's their birthday every day, don't you?
28. Finally getting my little bit o' birthday cake (a chocolate & peanut butter-stuffed cupcake with peanut butter buttercream icing from Sugarush) the next day, just to extend the celebration a bit.
    
29. Ending the whole thing happy & satisfied - & not at all too scared of 30!

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Here, in Center Frame

Here, in Center Frame

Monday, May 27, 2013

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It's beautiful here when the weather is right, in that sweet spot between too-cold & too-hot that never seems to last long enough - no more than a few weeks, if we're lucky. When it's like this, though, when we are lucky, Red Bank is a really wonderful place to live, & sometimes I stop & take it all in & think, "This is definitely not so bad." In fact, this is sometimes even so good.

Nathan was making dinner last night, chicken breasts stuffed with spinach & feta, & he'd just put them in the oven when I heard familiar booms outside, booms like I sometimes heard as a kid when they came from a concert venue miles away. These were the same but louder; closer, I knew. Excitedly, I ran to the living room window to try to see the source of the noise, but the recently bloomed trees now obscure our view of the Navesink River below.

"Do you want to go outside?" he asked, & I did, so we flew down three flights of stairs, our fingers barely skimming the handrails, me with my shoes only halfway-on, hurrying because we didn't want to miss what was happening outside. And when we made it outside, past the line of trees into the small clearing on the water behind our apartment complex, we saw them: fireworks! Fireworks going off somewhere else, for someone else, but perfectly visible from our own backyard.

None of our neighbors had come out to enjoy the show - their loss! - so we sat alone, knees up, on the concrete dock behind our building, a cool evening breeze blowing salty air over still, quiet waters. Together, we watched as colored lights exploded in the not-so-distant distance, showering the night sky with sparks & sound, echoing across the river. A Memorial Day treat. A gift from life, to us, with a big, sparkly bow on top, just because.

They didn't last long; fireworks never do. Ten minutes? But they lasted just long enough to remind me of all the things I love, of all the things that are good & beautiful & wonderful & right in the world & in my own life. To remind me that I am lucky & loved & in love. To remind me that the past has finally passed, & that so much lies ahead. In those 10 minutes, all the lyrics felt prophetic* & all the tears felt worth it, & I couldn't figure out exactly what felt so right. I just knew that everything did, & that I was grateful for that.

Tonight, as I sat down to write, the apartment was quiet & dark with Nathan already asleep in the next room, a train whistle blared in the (not-so-distant) distance, cutting through the silence. Just like the booms of the fireworks, the sound of that whistle brought me home again, to countless nights lying in my bed in Ohio, carving out time for myself & my dreams. Just like the booms of the fireworks, this little reminder of places past connects me to memories I didn't even know I held dear, all coming full-circle.

A gift from life, to me.

And it's in these moments that I know that this is the place for me right now, even when I think it's not, because he is the place for me, no matter where he goes. I will always, always go with him - & wherever we find ourselves, that will always be home.

 

*

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General Hospital: Of Zombies, Apple Juice, & Disney Fans

General Hospital: Of Zombies, Apple Juice, & Disney Fans

Sunday, July 22, 2012

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My boyfriend is in the hospital with an inflamed colon. What does that mean? Don't ask me; we still haven't gotten a decent explanation. All I know is that he can only consume clear liquids & has to stay in the hospital until at least Monday, when he'll undergo a colonoscopy. Of course, we've made a number of "Walking Dead" jokes, wondering whether he'll wake up tomorrow to a world full of walkers & me dating his best friend. No real-life dramatics so far, though there's quite a bit of boredom.

The "menu" for clear liquids patients is basically The Saddest Thing. The only difference between breakfast & the other two meals is that it doesn't comes with broth. You know, they keep breakfast light.

To mix things up a bit, I bought him a veritable smorgasbord of slightly more indulgent clear liquids from the Dunkin Donuts downstairs & also let him eat two fruit snacks. I run a tight ship, guys.

Also, he has a roommate. This roommate is a large, hairy man who, as a disclaimer, may be slightly mentally disabled; he came in with a case worker & was talking about a group home, so I initially thought he was a parolee. Please don't think I'm making fun of this man; we've been absolutely kind to him, & he to us; he's thanked Nate for his service no fewer than six times. It's just that when you're sharing a room with a total stranger, it's difficult not to be annoyed by things - especially by things that are, frankly, just very weird & unexpected, & also, let's face it, a little bit amusing.

Like: He brought with him a gaggle of plush Disney friends, including a well-loved Mickey Mouse & its less popular companions, Donald Duck & Pluto. (I overheard him telling his stepmother that Goofy "couldn't make the trip this time.") He mutters to his stuffed brigade regularly, though mostly to Mickey. My favorite decipherable line so far is, "I'm Mickey Mouse driving a truck. You probably heard."

Today he shaved his face no fewer than three times in about five hours with the world's loudest electric razor. When the nurse said he'd requested that a mirror be brought into their shared bathroom, the roommate also asked for an electrical outlet. Which is not something that can just be, like, brought in.

Other things I know about the roommate (because he talks very loudly) include: He belches a lot. Like Mickey, he is a truck driver. He enjoys being in the hospital because the food is better than what he can make for himself. He prefers chicken to stuffed peppers, & his favorite seasoning is Mrs. Dash. He came into the ER because his stomach hurt "like Montzeuma's Revenge" (not the correct usage); he has since had an ultrasound, a CAT scan, & a nuclear test (pronounced the George W. Bush way). He likely has gallsstones. Today, I was really rattled to hear him make a jarringly racist comment; we didn't request a room change because, on the whole, he keeps to himself & is harmless. But like I said: also really weird & unexpected & aside from that comment, mostly amusing.

I'm hoping Nathan can break free on Monday. He's already feeling so much better, & understandably, he's going nuts confined to a remote-controlled bed, slurping orange Jell-O & protein-laced apple juice three times a day. I've brought him magazines, my iPad, his Kindle Fire, his laptop, anything I can think of to keep him busy, but it's tough to feel like you're home when you've been wearing the same backless hospital gown for 48+ hours...

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Send in the Clown

Send in the Clown

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

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I don't typically like when people do "Sh!t My Boyfriend Says"-style blog posts because... well, maybe because I rarely think the sh!t anyone else's boyfriends say is very funny. My own boyfriend is relatively funny, but I've thus far refrained from trying to convince you of this, lest you feel the same way I do about such posts. But the day has come, friends. Nathan has been extra funny today.

• While putting a graduation card for his sister into the (admittedly rather small) envelope it came with, Nathan looked baffled. He held up both the card & the envelope & asked,
  

  "Do I have to put this in another envelope?"
  "I don't understand what you're asking," I responded.
  He tried again: "Is this, like, the outside envelope, or do I need to put this envelope into another envelope? Is this the final envelope?"

  Dude, these aren't classroom Valentines. That is the envelope.
  
  
• At the end of the first episode of "Hell's Kitchen," the eliminated contestant took off his chef's coat & walked down a long, dark hallway, through a set of lighted doors, & Nathan asked, "What, did he die?"
  
  
• While at our favorite local record store, Nate spotted a postcard of Albert Einstein, which reminded him of a story from his childhood:
  

  "There were four kids. Did I ever tell you about how my parents had four pictures hanging up? Me, Jessica, Einstein, and Madeleine, with Einstein's picture instead of Brice's."
  "Didn't your parents also tell you that one of you had a genius IQ, but they wouldn't tell you which one?"
  "Oh, man. I never made that connection."

  Brutal. Guess it wasn't you, babe.
  

I should also note, though, that he's been just wonderful as I grieve the loss of our beloved kitty Stringer Bell, so it's not all fun & games 'round these parts. LOTS of crying going on, but we try to keep it from getting too emo.

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You know you're in an interfaith relationship when...

You know you're in an interfaith relationship when...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

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On Moving to the Jersey Shore

On Moving to the Jersey Shore

Thursday, March 22, 2012

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Remember that time I freaked out really hard about the news that Nathan & I would be moving to New Jersey this summer? Yeah, that still happens from time to time, but for the most part, I am making peace with our upcoming relocation. Though New Jersey was by no means our first choice for a new home, the military controls us - and what the Coast Guard says, we do.

Luckily, we've found a nice town to call home, & I desperately hope really think we're gonna like it there. A particularly discerning (read: snooty) friend called it "the Austin, Texas, of New Jersey," which seemed like high enough praise for us to check it out, & now it's settled.

In July, we're moving to Red Bank, NJ.

Here are some things Red Bank is famous for:

• Being the hometown of writer & producer Kevin Smith
• Being the setting for AMC's "Comic Book Men"
• Being the hometown of an addict named Rachel, featured on "Intervention"
• Being the birthplace of famed composer Count Basie
• Being the filming location for this video set to Matisyahu's "One Day"

OK, so maybe it's not famous at all - but it still seems relatively cool. A little bit like Portsmouth, but near a different big city (that'd be THE big city, NYC) & with public transportation. It's got a great food scene, lots of snazzy boutiques, &, you know, Kevin Smith. It's a 20-minute drive from Nate's base, & and jaunty 90 minutes (sarcastic use of adjective) into NYC by train so that I can work from the office a few days a week. We'll start looking for apartments when Nate gets back in May, & we'll move just before the Fourth of July.

I confess to being a little bit disappointed that we have to move, as I'd just started to bond with Portsmouth & have begun to really like it here. Granted, I still only know two people in the area, but that's my own fault for not trying very hard. I won't make that mistake in Red Bank. Imma hit that town full force & find me some friends! I've already begun following & tweeting at locals who seem like they might have insight into how to get into the local scene.

Know anything about Red Bank? Know anyone who lives there? Have tips for making friends in a new town? I'd love to hear from you. New Jersey, here we come!*

PS: I wrote this post a few days ago & saved it as a draft. I published it today because I'm trying to channel that same positivity right now, but let's be honest: I want to cry every single time I think about moving to some town in the boonies of New Jersey. And don't tell me it's near beaches. I hate beaches.

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Top Chef Master? More Like Top Chef Disaster!

Top Chef Master? More Like Top Chef Disaster!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

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I've been home for about 48 hours, jet-lagged & sick. I have no voice & no energy, but what I do have is an appetite for good, old-fashioned American eats. Nathan & I woke up early this morning (damn you, jet-lag) & decided that instead of eating cereal like lazy Americans, we'd get to work making a fancy brunch. Using this cookbook, given to me by a friend & former roommate in recognition of my undying love of the best meal in existence, we tackled French toast - our first try at making it.

We burned the first two pieces of French toast & the first few slices of bacon. Once we hit our groove, we began burning things less, but we never got over it entirely. Though the final product did indeed taste OK - edible, at the very least! - we couldn't help but be embarrassed when comparing our masterpiece to the one we were trying to replicate. For shame:

Hey, at least there were mimosas. There are some things you can't screw up!

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"I'm the King of New Jersey" Doesn't Have Quite the Same Ring to It

"I'm the King of New Jersey" Doesn't Have Quite the Same Ring to It

Thursday, February 9, 2012

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Nathan & I have been waiting since October to learn where he'll be stationed come June. All we knew was that the orders would come sometime between October & February, so with no word yet, we were getting down to the wire. This week, we began to assume that the orders would come while I'm abroad in Israel for the next two weeks, & we'd given up on hoping to hear before then.

Surprise, surprise! Yesterday, the orders came in: Come June, Nathan will be stationed at a land unit based in Staten Island, N.Y. Sounds great, right? We'll be living in NYC! Upon learning the news, I started planning to create a fun video to reveal the news to you, complete with me holding an apple & a 30 Rock boxed set while doing a Newsies impression in the lead-up to the big location announcement.

Except.

In the last 36 hours or so, we've learned more about his new assignment. While the unit itself is based on Staten Island, the unit's engineering department is located elsewhere - in Sandy Hook, N.J., a remote vacation island off the coast of New Jersey. Observe:

Technically, Sandy Hook is where the Jersey Shore begins - but hold your Snooki jokes, please. No, seriously, I don't want to hear them. Yesterday I blocked a friend on Twitter for doing so.

The Staten Island base was our second-choice pick, behind only Boston. But you know what wasn't second on our list? Sandy Hook, N.J. We never would've put it on our list had we known it would place us in the same situation we're in now - sort of close to a really awesome city, but too far away to actually live in that really awesome city. Sandy Hook is about an hour & a half from New York City without traffic, & we all know that statement is a joke. In other words, it's our current live all over again, but possibly more depressing.

Everyone's got something optimistic to tell me about the news. "You can take a ferry into Manhattan!" (The ferry drops off miles from Nathan's base, so that won't work. Also, I'm terrified of boats.) "There are some really nice places in New Jersey!" (Well, damn How I Met Your Mother for teaching me otherwise.) "You won't be that far from New York City!" (Just like I'm not that far from Boston right now - & what a rockin' social life I currently have.) "I'm sure you can take public transportation into Sandy Hook!" (You can't, actually, as there's no public transportation to the island.)

My office is located near Grand Central Station, meaning that if Nathan had been stationed on Staten Island itself, we could live in Brooklyn & all would be well, two normal people with two normal jobs with two normal-length commutes. As it stands now, we're likely to have hour-plus commutes each, with him leaving around 4am to get to work.

I'm sure we'll eventually figure out how to make Sandy Hook, N.J. & its surrounding areas home... for the next four years. With a long-term sentence like that, we'll have to. For now, though, I'm wallowing, reeling in the surprise of not moving to my beloved Boston & the concern that we're going to end up with some miserable, suburban New Jersey life, just close enough to see the NYC skyline but not close enough to touch it.

You'll forgive me if I'm not excited yet, right?

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Oktoberfest for Two

Oktoberfest for Two

Monday, October 24, 2011

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Before I cracked my head open, before my mom visited, & before Nathan deployed again, we spent a lunch hour picking out pumpkins to display in front of our apartment window. I've read that there's a pumpkin shortage this year, but I think I know what the problem is: Portsmouth is hoarding them all.

A Methodist church just down the road from us has dozens upon dozens of pumpkins for sale, all on display in the church's front yard - even overnight & on Sundays, when sales are closed. Can you believe that? In my hometown, these suckers would've been stolen or smashed within 24 hours, but not here. No, in provincial Portsmouth, church pumpkins are free to exist without fear of Halloween hooligans.

It's too bad we showed up on a Monday because the deals really start rolling on Wednesday. (More on baked beans in a future post. Yes, really.)

Naturally, I insisted upon taking a cheesy photo at a painted pumpkin clearly intended for small children. Please note how bizarrely midgety I look. I promise I have legs & a torso.

Nathan chose his pumpkin on stem size alone. No, that's not a creepy euphemism for anything.

After we paid, we asked the octogenarian church volunteer behind the counter to take a photo of us with our prized pumpkins. She had no idea how to use an iPhone, & it was sort of tough to teach her while I was holding a 10-lb. holiday squash, so this is what we ended up with. Not too shabby, lady, not too shabby at all.

Of course, I have to work on Saturday, which means no Halloween for me - and yes, I was even invited to something! The lovely Alana of The Good Girl Gone Blog invited me to her spooky soiree in Somerville (say that five times fast), but I'm sans costume & sans availability, so I'll have to resort to spending my favorite holiday eating fun-sized Butterfingers throughout the work day & telling anyone who asks about my head wound that this is my lazy costuming attempt at going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sally photo

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My Halloween Costume Just Sort of FELL Into Place

My Halloween Costume Just Sort of FELL Into Place

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

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[WARNING: There is a gory photo in this post. And lots of other photos, too.]

People are forever telling me what good eyebrows I have. Personally, I think they're a bit pointy (they grow that way, they aren't tweezed that way), but, you know, I like compliments, & I'd say they're my most complimented feature. Here they are in all their glory in my admittedly cheesy work headshot:

Or at least that's what they used to look like. This week, disaster struck when, while getting out of the shower, I fell in such a way that I slammed my head into the porcelain toilet paper holder. Yes, I know, who does that? I do. I did. And I immediately sunk back into the tub, naked & bloody, to scream & hyperventilate. My first thought when my head made contact with the holder was, "STITCHES!" & it quickly became clear that I was going to need them.

Nathan, staying totally cool & calm, found me a towel with which to apply pressure & mop up the blood, then gathered (yesterday's) clothes for me to wear to the ER. All the while, I moaned repetitions of, "Oh, God. OHHHHHH!" in a very helpful manner. I even contemplated drying my hair before we left, but I settled on wearing a necklace instead, because by golly, if I'm going to head into the ER looking like a zombie, I'd like to feel like a lady while I do it.

The carnage (warning: it's carnage-y) looked like this:

That, ladies & gentleman, is a make-up free me with a formerly beautiful left eyebrow that is cut in half - like, it's in two totally different places on my face. Though you can't tell from the photo, I actually hit my head so hard that I split it down to the skull bone. When John Smith (yes, really), the physician's assistant who worked on me, pulled apart the wound to check, I think my squeamish boyfriend almost passed out at the sight. Upon my request, John was also quite enthusiastic about letting Nate take photos during the stitching process, which the blogger in me greatly appreciated.

Obviously, my biggest fear was that my face would be permanently disfigured, a la Scar from The Lion King, when my wound finally healed. Though he offered me the opportunity to go with a plastic surgeon instead, John assured me that he was an expert in not effing up facial stitching, I entrusted him with the future of my face. He was knowledgeable & kind, walking me through every step of the process - including the injection of a lot of novocaine. When all was said & done & he was finished completing my facial masterpiece, my face-saving hero was kind enough to pose for a photo with me for the blog. THANK YOU, JOHN SMITH!

He didn't love my response when I first saw his handiwork, which was, "Oh my God, I look disgusting!" but let's be real: I look way less disgusting with stitches than I did with an open head wound:

And that initially droopy eye disappeared pretty quickly, except for when I woke up this morning with a gnarly shiner. Haven't had one of these since I was a kid at summer camp who got smacked in the face with a canoe oar!

For those who want it spelled out for them, here's a timeline of my face. I'm not smiling in most of them because it hurt to move my facial muscles:

 

Overall, I'm feeling really fortunate that I didn't hurt myself any worse than I did. I'm in a ton of pain, but I'm thankful for the Vicodin John Smith prescribed me & for the fact that I work from home, which means I can space out a little bit midday when the aforementioned Vicodin begins to do its job. I'm hopeful that when the stitches come out on Monday, I won't, in fact, look like a female version of Frankenstein's monster.

Until then, I'm a walking Halloween costume. What to be, what to be? So many scarred options!

 

Photos: Bond villain, Azazel, Harry Potter, Scar, Scarface, Frankenstein, Zombie

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Party On, Party People!

Party On, Party People!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

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By the time most of you read this, I will be headed here:

And staying here:

With about half of them:

Who I haven't since since we were here:

You can probably find me here:

Or here:

Or doing this:

And when I get back, he will be home from deployment!

I think it's gonna be a really good weekend, don't you? Ciao!

Photos: Vegas, Treasure Island, pool, Bellagio, cocktails; all others are my own or from friends

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