The Devil Wears a Hoyas Tee

Hate your job, Washingtonians? Never fear - Georgetown sophomore Charley Cooper has just the gig for you! Cooper, a mere 19 years old, is already so overwhelmed by the collegiate lifestyle - & so crunched for time as a result of holding down a (part-time!) campus job - that he's on the lookout for a personal assistant.

This is the perfect job for someone who's qualified to be a nanny but hates kids! Or someone who's prepared to be a housekeeper but hates cleaning! As his personal assistant, your tasks will include fetching Master Cooper's dry cleaning, driving him to & from the aforementioned part-time position, organizing his closet full of Vineyard Vines, scheduling his hair appointments (frosted tips, plz!) & laundering his dirties. According to his ad, you'll be eligible for bonuses at his discretion, which sounds a little sketchtastic to me, but at $10-$12 per hour, who am I to question your potential discretionary bonuses?!

Don't hate. I mean, college is really HARD, y'all! How can Master Charley be expected to keep up his 4.0 in political theory if he has to interrupt his homework to go check the spin cycle on his pleated khakis?!

But trust me, Georgetown-graduates-who-he-says-will-receive-preferential-consideration - after spending a gabillion bucks on your own education, "College Sophomore's Personal Assistant, Winter 2009" is going to look really great on your resume, so you can rest assured that taking this position is the proper next step toward bettering your future.