Doing & Debating Sex & Dating (Alternate Title: "SWEET GIVEAWAY!!!")

Monday, July 20, 2009

I had a whole dating post brewing, but my opinions on the topic of 20-something dating are apparently so potent that they interfere with my ability to think clearly enough to write about any of them.

The gist is this: In middle school, when I told my mom I was going out with a boy, she asked "Where are you going?" I groaned, "Moooommmm, we're not going anywhere. Geez." I don't know what coupledom looks like in those hallowed halls these days, but in the late '90s, being a middle school couple meant holding hands at lunch & passing notes at your locker. (If you were lucky, it meant a kiss during "Forrest Gump" in his basement. Ahem.) My, how life has changed.

At the ripe old age of almost-25, dating – or at least attempting to date – means a lot of things. It can mean “pseudo-seeing” guys with fast food nicknames or being hit on in the midst of death threats. Compromising your values by kissing by someone who has a significant other or by grabbing Thai food with a Yale grad employed by the McCain campaign. Risking OKCupid or speed-dating or trusting your friends' set-up judgment. Going on a blind date with the polar opposite of a commitmentphobe or being text-assaulted by the exact definition of "holy freaking clingy."

We all have our stories. They involve introductions in bars & at house parties & online. Heeding advice that instructs us to “play the game” by not texting too much, not responding too quickly, not being obtainable or emotional or invested - or by ignoring all these so-called rules & trying our hands at honesty, often at the risk of being branded with the dreaded “too available” label. They involve butterfly-inducing first dates & messy endings & lots of worrying & analyzing & hoping & anticipating in between.

Unlike the majority of folks I went to high school with, I'm in no hurry to get hitched or pop out babies. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still fascinated by the state of dating, especially in the big city, where we’ve got an abundance of winners like the blogging bachelor who hated on me for calling him out on his exceptional skeeviness & the well-intentioned (or voyeuristic) Washington Post setting up complete strangers on Date Lab experiments. DC’s supposed to be this hotbed of bustling single activity – & while that makes for interesting stories, it doesn’t necessarily make for better luck.

I don’t have the answers, but I do have a special dating-related giveaway from Eden Fantasys for one lucky reader!* Rest assured that you relationship-blessed folks can still enter, but suffice it to say that the company really specializes in tools that may be of particular use to those of us on the less-than-frequent side of the getting-some spectrum. The winner will receive this condom kit from Just in Case to keep your little latex lifesavers discreet - & a $25 gift card to purchase your choice of, um, home entertainment from the folks at Eden Fantasys!

  • Enter by midnight this Sunday, July 26th.
  • Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite part of dating is. Or, if you’re feeling bitter, go with your least favorite. Unless I know you already, you must include your email address or some way for me to reach you!
  • For an extra entry, tweet about this giveaway using this link: Leave a comment linking to your tweet or @reply to me at @katycometrue.

My mom says this giveaway is “tasteless,” but I disagree. After all, you don’t have to tell me what you use your gift card for! And hey, while we’re talking about sex & dating – get educated. Support comprehensive sex ed. Be an advocate for sexual health, education & justice. Sex is not something to be ashamed of unless we say it should be. So say otherwise.

Now ENTER MY GIVEAWAY, why don’t you!

*Many thanks to @drewg78 for making this giveaway happen!


  1. My least favorite part about dating is meeting the right person at the wrong time...

    I mean meet this awesome person but neither of you are in the right place in your life.


    But I would love that condom kit. I waaaaaaaaaaant it!

  2. I love this post! Not just cause there's a giveaway involved but for your insights on dating. Anywho... my fave part of dating is the chase and the crush. I love that feeling! I also tweeted about this :-)

  3. SKYPE! ahahahahha Way to plug comprehensive sex ed :-) If I win, you can keep the condom kit and I'll take the $25 gift card - how's that for incentive for picking me?

  4. ooo....too much to mention. of my favorites, i think the nerves and butterflies are up there.

    my least favorite is exactly what you mentioned -- the worrying about responding too quickly, or what you should respond with, the guessing. it's exhausting sometimes.

  5. I think my least favorite part about "dating" is when you know someone wants it but they are more concerned about the way their co-workers and superiors see them than how it would be IN THE SACK! ;-)

  6. My favorite part comes right after you've just had a really good first date and you're leaving from the spot of the goodnight kiss. Right then, the world is bright, even if it's night, and you're walking on air. It's great.

  7. Isn't Drew the man? :-)

    My favorite part of dating is the moment when you realize that "it's the real deal," whether it's in 7th grade, college, or at the age of 24. When you realize that you're actually about to embark on a relationship with someone you are crazy about and trust completely, and you're at the top of the rollercoaster looking down, and you have NO idea what that ride's gonna bring...

  8. This post is great! I think you're wonderful. I missed seeing you in DC :(

  9. Been a while since I've "Dated" - but I guess my least favorite things are the rules you've mentioned and the masks we all wear for the first few weeks of a relationship. Be yourself, always.

  10. i love tasteless giveaways :)

    i'm going to completely agree with PQ. my least fave part of dating is meeting the perfect person at the completely wrong time. it HURTS.

    on the other hand, i love the butterflies. how cheesy.

  11. Hardly tasteless!

    And amen to not being in a rush to get hitched.

  12. oh man, SO MANY LEAST FAVORITES, how to pick and/or list them all? ;-) mostly the selection here, i think.

    (true story, i just got an email from a guy on okcupid explaining that the reason i couldn't meet non-douchey guys was because all the good ones were taken... and speaking of... how did i feel about seeing men in open relationships...?)

    favorite thing about dating is how exciting it can be every time you get a call or text from someone you are totally crushing on. :-)

  13. favorite part of dating is the energy. there's a point when you realize you're just one moment away from being a little more than two singles dating. that's when you're always on the verge of something great.

  14. My favorite part of dating is the three Cs -- comfort, conversation and cuddling.
    These are the days I miss:
    I wake up. It's Saturday. I'm hungover. Hair is in my face. I love the smell. My arm is buried underneath the woman I love. I kiss her on the back of her neck, go into the kitchen and open a bottle of wine, or make coffee on more responsible weekends.
    She wakes up and we talk. We both look like crap, because who doesn't look like crap the next morning? We find each other undeniably sexy. She's in my T-shirt. I'm in my boxers. We talk about whatever we talk about and whatever we want to talk about. Conversation is our most intimate foreplay.
    Maybe. We take a break and make love. Maybe. We pour another glass of wine. Maybe. We cook a meal. Together. We never get fully dressed. We go nowhere. There are no interruptions. Today, we desire nothing but each other.
    These are the days I miss.

  15. Aw man you took on Roosh? I heard about the guy before, the PUA community is alive in well in DC thanks to him.

  16. Hmmm, the best part of dating has got to be the first time you introduce your new crush to your friends.

  17. my favorite part of dating is the need to keep condoms with you just in case. the possibilities.

    my least favorite part of dating is waiting for the phone call. but also sometimes once i get the call im I guess i also like waiting.

    my favorite part of this post is the choice to be free and embrace enhancing our sex lives (yay sexual health). If SS can blog it, are her followers ballsy enough to retweet it?

  18. I'd say my favorite parts about dating are how exciting all the little things are when you start dating someone new, the endless possibilities, and the flirting

    least favorite part about dating is when the conversation gets dull, shallow and/or awkward and you know you never want to date this person again, yet you've still got to get through the evening.

  19. I'm going to say my favorite part of dating is when he says something that cues you to believe it'll be more than just dating... a relationship if you will.

    I also love the moments when you leave his house after a great night of hanging out and flirting, and you're on cloud nine because you feel so fantastic.

    And then the least part of dating is the month that follows that great night and he hasn't made any contact with you, but he's "in a relationship" with someone else on facebook. Sigh.

    Haha. Loves it.

  20. my mom would say it was tasteless too ; )

  21. What I like most about dating:

    Finding someone you feel comfortable with and really enjoy having around.

    What I dislike most about dating:

    The process of finding that someone.

  22. It looks more like a compact case than a condom case so I guess it's not so tasteless after all! And I'm all for sexual health, education & justice!

  23. least favorite part:
    the beginning. exciting, but so so so *stressful*. first dates feel like job interviews. what do i wear? is this a date or not? what am i allowed to talk about?

    favorite part:
    the moment you realize that the other person gets you. so many times you are just attracted to someone or they seem nice and you give it a shot. but when you realize that the two of you are on the same page & you can be yourself = great feeling :)

  24. I don't currently have a favorite part of dating, thankyouverymuch. But I suppose I should start thinking more positively about it as I will be dating again soon... right now I'm too much on the bitter side! :)

  25. I like it when you reach the better part of a decade and finally live in the same city!!

    yeay giveaway!

  26. My favorite part:

    -of this giveaway? The sleek, "Chanel"-esque look of the prize. :)

    -of dating? Butterflies. Glamming up to go out. Hope.

    -of no longer being single? NO MORE LAME GAMES.

  27. I'd say my favorite part is the first time you get a genuine laugh at a joke on the first date.

    It's Meg, @betternovembers me up ;)

  28. I'd tell you my favorite part about dating but I'm a rabbit so...

  29. I love that moment just *before* your first kiss with a new person. That split second where you make eye contact and know it's about to happen -- and there's that pause when you sort of stop breathing for a second... and just give into it. Love it. :)


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