TMI Thursday: This City is Full of Ugly People in Excellent Relationships

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm giving TMI Thursday a try, though I refuse to be wholly embarrassing, at least not yet. I will, however, try to stretch my limits a little bit by blogging about things I wouldn't typically say.

First things first: I attempt not to discuss my love life here. That's partially because I have absolutely no love life to discuss & partially because I'm not much of a public sharer, despite my penchant for tweeting, talking, gossiping. Yes, I recognize that all aspects of my personality ought to point to my being a public sharer, but it's simply not the case. I did talk about my Johnny Fajitas fling, if only briefly, because the nickname "Johnny Fajitas" was way too good to keep from you guys, but that's been the extent.

Anyway: I'm also not big on vulgarity. I like to swear when it gets the point across, which is fairly often, but I tend to shy away from words that reference genitalia. They feel inappropriate & make me uncomfortable, & I assume they make my grandmother & my boss uncomfortable, as well - & as we've determined in past posts, both of those folks read this blog. That said... god
damn it, do I love Speak On It's blog post today, genitalia vulgarity & all, about why she's still single in this city. Not for the faint of vocab, she writes:

When I look at people all bunned up in a relationship with baby #3 on the way that are 4 years younger than me, there are a few thoughts that run through my head.

1 - Well goddamn who the fuck decided to stick their dick in that thing at least FOUR FUCKING TIMES to make a NEW PERSON?
2 - How in the hell did they land a husband and I’m still single?! It must be the head. She HAS to be giving good head. Because duh.
3 - Aw, I want a husband and a house and 2.5 kids with a dog and a yard with a garden and the picturesque bullshit idea of a family life that we all love to cling to.

This is typically my train of thought upon running into young couples, as well, though such thoughts increase exponentially upon my encountering couples that don't seem to match. You know what I mean. This week, for example, I met a really unattractive woman. I also met her particularly attractive husband. And listen, don't give me your "It's not always about looks!" bullshiz. What are you, my kindergarten teacher? I know looks aren't everything. I get that. I'm down with that. And as a fairly average-looking individual myself, I very much rely on that cliche principle to assist me in landing hotter-than-average members of the opposite sex.

That couple I mentioned meeting, though, is, interestingly, not an anomaly here in the District. In fact, this city is teeming with mismatched couples just like them. Couples that are half Angelina Jolie & half Drew Carey. Half Pierce Brosnan & half Susan Boyle. Half Carrie Prejean & half Skeletor. (On second thought, I'll take the Skeletor half of that combo, please. This is one example in which the "personality trumps all" card really comes into play). And every time I spot one of these bafflingly mismatched couples, I have to admit that my thought process is typically as follows:
  1. "Wow, that attractive [insert gender here] must be really open-minded, accepting & kind."
  2. "Wow, that brutally unattractive [insert gender here] must be really effing charming and/or manipulative."
What are these attractive folks thinking? And what are these ugly folks doing to land them? More importantly, which side do I take advice from? And WHY ARE THEY ALL IN D.C.?


  1. This is D.C. -- that means that the unattractive person has either a) far more political power or b) far more money -- than the attractive person. The overabundance in D.C. probably has more to do with political power.

    It always balances out the equation if one person outkicked their coverage.

    Take, for example, my husband. Brad Pitt he is not -- cute in his own husbandly, average, guy-next-door type way, sure. But what attracted to me waaaaaay back in the day was not his appearance (I had to get to know him before I found myself at all attracted to him). Yes, he's a great guy, but not someone you would do a triple-take over walking down the street. But women -- women FAR more attractive than me -- literally throw themselves at him when they find out he is a doctor, because they know he will (someday, when he is done with all his training) have power and money.

  2. Hahahaha- this is DEFINITELY a phenomenon in DC! And one that I love... I adore people watching and trying to "figure these couples out". Hilarious!

  3. omg, I think the same things. It must be something about D.C.

  4. "Half Carrie Prejean & half Skeletor"

    Officially the funniest thing I've read all week. And I totally know what you mean...I've had a countless "he's dating HER?" moments.

    By the way, if you get around to watching Arrested Development, this phenomenon will only ring more true.

    Michael Bluth: "Who's the 'her' in that sentence?"
    George Michael Bluth: "Ann."
    Michael Bluth: "Really? Her?

  5. buttfugly dudes in DC play the odds: it seems pretty obvious that there just are less 20something guys in this city than girls. so they get away with pairings because of the math.

    but buttfugly ladies? i don't know; i don't know.

  6. It's not just DC. It's San Francisco, too. Well said. I find myself thinking the same things often.

  7. I think you'll far more often see an unattractive guy with a beautiful woman than vice-versa. The reason for this is the differing viewpoints of men and women.

    Not to oversimplify things, but women will often overlook something like looks if the guy has the ability to be a good provider or give her status (see Bill and Melinda Gates). Or he could have a 12-inch tongue and be able to breathe through his ears.

    On the other hand, it is the rare exception for a good looking man to be with a buttfugly woman. Unless, of course, there is a really, really good reason like, say, she has lots of money.

    Although, we can't totally exclude the possibility of tru wuv. Hey, it could happen.


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