Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'm on a Bus & It's Going Slow &...

In keeping with my ongoing stream of bad luck when it comes to public transportation, this morning this happened:


An accident on Connecticut meant that the driver of my usual L1 went off the beaten path, weaving her way through Adam's Morgan & refusing to let any passengers off until the bus was back on its proper course. As a result, I spent at least 25 minutes on a ride that typically takes fewer than 10. I sent an "I'll be late message" to my office that included the line that's now titling this post.

So while trapped, at the suggestion of a coworker, I composed a song on my iPhone - ain't technology grand? You might recognize the original tune:


Forgive the language of my lyrics, but T-Pain made me do it. Enjoy!

"I'm On a Bus"
By Suburban Sweetheart

Oh shit, get your SmarTrips ready
It's about to go down
Everybody in the place stay in your fucking seats
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We're stuck in traffic, let's go

I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm stuck on a bus
I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking bus

I'm on a bus, motherfucker, take a look at me
Straight waitin' on a bus in the middle of the street
Whining with strangers, glad I got Twitter on my phone
You can't help me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a bus

Take a cab, trick, I'm on a bus, bitch
We sweatin' balls, champ, and it drips.
I got my iPhone & my work clothes,
I'm working my temper, you're at work doin' your thing.

I'm riding WMATA, doing flips and shit
This bus is sittin’, getting everybody all pissed
But this ain't a nightmare, this is real as it gets
I'm on a bus, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a bus & it's going slow &
I got half a mind to hit the driver with my hand.
I need to get rescued, on a bus like Keanu
If you're at work, then be glad that it’s me & not you
Get the fuck up, this bus is real

Fuck ground, I'm on a bus, motherfucker
Fuck trees, I climb seats, motherfucker
I'm on the road with some strangers, motherfucker
This bus engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey, WMATA, if you could see me now:
An hour late to work & I’m like “Wow.”
Gonna ride this bus into hell somehow.
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible.

I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm stuck on a bus
I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking bus

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