Greatest Escapist: A Place for Everybody, No Matter How Weird

Every time I write about my attempts to meet people & make friends as an adult, about a billion people comment to tell me that I should checkout Meetup.com. I recently joined a bunch of Meetup.com groups, which means I now get constant emails about events that might interest me – and mostly, at this point, events that don't. Still, I'm hopeful that something will, sooner or later, look like it's worth attending, & I'll meet some supercool new BFFs & we'll all live happily ever after.

While I did find five groups worth joining, I had to sort through some muck to get to them. I've been told there's a meetup for everyone, &, well, now I believe it. Want to see some of my favorites?OK, if you insist.

If the guy in the blue jacket is 40, then I am a senior citizen.
From the theme of the group to the name given to members, this group screams "INDOOR KIDS!" What is that a picture of, anyway? A nunchuck-wielding cartoon cockroach standing in a field of grass? The food allergy people are breaking out in hives at the thought of standing in a field.
You can't fool me. This looks like the saddest festival.
I wish I had a child. If I did, I would join this group with full expectations that my infant would sprout wings ~n~ become teacup sized. This photo sets a really high bar, moms.
This one speaks for itself, right?
I'm tempted to join this group so that I can finally learn how to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming one of those people (usually a dreadlocked dude, but whatever) who plays the drums outside the Chinatown Metro Station in D.C., in which "drums" are just upside-down buckets. It looks like the members of this group do that in their living rooms, a hobby my neighbors would surely appreciate.
Is this group in the business of investing in red velvet cupcakes? If so, count me in. If not, I'm really confused.
"Join us at the oldest meetup in the land!"
This group is maybe not that weird, except that it reminds me of my favorite John Mulaney joke ("Imma push him!"), which Nathan & I quote way too often, & that cracks me up. But actually, you know what? This is that weird. "Pushing Hands of Monmouth County"? Huh?!
I wish this group were just about pizza discovery, because then I'd be so in.
This group is so sad because there's only one person in it. "NEW JERSEY PODCASTER, UNITE!"
This photo accurately describes the group it represents, which actually sounds like the cutest group of all time (assuming that the babies in that other group don't actually have wings), but I'm including it in this list because, really? Are you telling me that almost 300 people in the area own shiba inus?!
You are single because it's 2012 & you still don't know how to crop and/or rotate a jpeg.
Sister goddesses, huh? I'm thinking that this group is made up of Mormon polygamist women who are also 50 Shades of Grey fans. Forty-four of them, shockingly.
Once I learned that this group was for members of the special needs community and their parents/guardians, I thought I shouldn't include it in this list. But then I decided, "You know what? This belongs here." Presumably, the person who started the group is not a member of the special needs community, & he or she should be ashamed of giving this otherwise great group such an offensively hackneyed, cliche name. I feel mad on behalf of all the people in this group who don't know that they should be mad about it.
My first thought was that this group was for people who are, you know, mulling transitions. More people who just moved here? Like me? Cool. Turns out, it's actually for "building a sustainable locality" & "strengthening community resilience," & because I'm not sure what either of those really means – paired with the fact that their last two events were a "Re-Purposeful Sewing Potluck" and "Picking Wild Wine Berries" – I don't think this is the group for me.
This group appears to have found the Loch Ness Monster, which means I appear to have found the perfect group for me. Case closed.