That's My Bag, Baby

Lacey Bean recently did a "what's in my bag" post, & being the nosy individual that I am, I loved it. When I looked into my purse this afternoon & saw a jar of fish oil pills, two mouthguards & a bag of potato chips, I decided it'd be a good day to do a post of my own.* I usually have a squashed banana in there, too, but today, I seem to have steered clear of toting around my favorite fruit.

So without further ado (except for an apology for poor photography skills made worse by equally poor lighting), here's what we've got:

Let's break it down:

1. Two Sharpie pens, one thin-tipped Sharpie & one clicky pen Nathan gave me before deploying that he swears is the best pen ever
2. Stray receipts galore, just floating around in my purse. BJ's, Panera, Petco... my life is a thrill a minute.
3. Neutrogena foundation that is not really the color of my skin
4. Travel-size Tresemme hairspray, 'cause a gal's gotta keep her coif cool
5. Eye drops, which I don't think I've ever used. Why do I have these...?
6. Peter Thomas Roth Mega-Rich Body Lotion, taken en masse from a hotel
7. Ibuprofen. Life is tough.
8. Speed warning I got this afternoon from the Portsmouth Police for going 40 in a 25 zone & for letting my registration expire, except it shouldn't be expired because I paid it last week.
9. Nathan's RayBans, my Jessica Simpson (barf) shades, & prescriptionless nerd frames, just because
10. Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse, which I bought after reading Jaclyn's review 
11. Physician's Formula spot concealer, which is my lifeblood
12. Neutrogena Healthy Defense Daily Moisturizer with SPF. I took approximately 40 of these small tubes from a hotel I stayed in six times while working at my old job nearly two years ago. Um, how long is moisturizer good for...?
13. Cover Girl TrueMatch powder that has clearly seen better days because I've probably had it for six months
14. Contact case. Very useful when I don't carry contact solution. (Please note sarcasm.)
15. Asthma inhaler, just so I don't die
16. Strawberry Chupa-Chup from the hotel where my friends got married in early August. Never know when you'll need a snack!

17. Fish Oil pills that I bought today from BJ's. Um, these are heavy. And not usually in my purse.
18. No-Doz for those Diet Coke-free days
19. Lactaid, because a life without cheese is a sad life indeed
20. Polka-dot umbrella, bought on the cheap from the Marc Jacobs outlet store in NYC
21. Small bag of potato chips. They came with a sandwich I bought at... Barnes & Noble.

Apparently I labeled two of these #21. I am not redoing it. I think you'll live. On with the show!

21. Handful of Macy's coupons I will likely never use 
22. Pack of two DenTek custom mouth guards. These are not usually in my purse, either.
23. LIP GLOSS. One is a Lancome Juicy Tube & the other is a L'Occitane Cooling Gloss. Obsessed with both. </girliness>
24. Maybelline Falsies mascara & sample size of Blinc mascara, which is AWESOME & SCIENTIFICALLY MYSTERIOUS.
25. Emery board for fingernail emergencies (#firstworldproblems)
26. Crappy lip stain that I hate & am throwing away as soon as I finish this post
27. e.l.f. & L'Oreal eye shadow, despite the fact that I don't really know how to do my eye makeup
28. Empty pill box. Useful.

29. J. Crew giraffe necklace
30. Favorite necklace I made for myself
31. Flower earrings from Sandy a la Mode
32. Allen wrench. No idea how this sneaked into my purse.
33. Stray and/or lucky penny
34. Button that fell off a sweater I returned to the GAP
35. Tissues. Self-explanatory.
36. Pixi gel eyeliner & applicator brush - I absolutely swear by this, even if it costs a whopping $18
37. The only gum worth chewing
38. Bobby pins cluttering the floor of my bag
39. Free app card from Starbucks. Note: I will never download this.
40. Cookie
41. More emergency supplies
42. Twistband hair tie, which I would never buy for myself but won in a Birchbox giveaway. $5 for three hair elastics? I'll have a latte instead, thanks.
43. My precious, precious baby (please ignore the uncharacteristically girly purple case)
44. Nail clippers - again, I have a lot of nail "emergencies"
45. Headphones that actually stay in my ears (hear that, Apple earbuds???)
46. Keys. Two cars keys, two house keys, three keychains. Priorities, folks.
47. New wallet! It's Dooney & Bourke, but it was extremely on sale. Thanks, labor unions, for giving me a weekend of great shopping deals!

God forbid I should ever have children & need to carry around even more stuff. And I wonder why I have back problems?!

*This might be the dumbest blog post of all time, now that I'm finished with it. If you read any of this, bless you.