I Know You Like My Style (You Like How I Break It Down)

So, um, I'm trying to be fashionable. Or if not fashionable, at least not a hobo, which is the genre my personal style most often resembles. Have you ever seen "Zoolander"? I often border on derelicte. 

I'm attempting to embrace my body shape instead of being embarrassed of it; can you tell I've been watching TLC's "Big Sexy"? Plus, I've been reading a lot of great fashion blogs, & I was starting to feel bad about my life. I work from home, so technically I never need to wear pants, but...

I'm trying. For example, I purchased a cotton maxi skirt the other day, which goes against all of my personal fashion rules. Except that I'm pretty sure all my personal fashion rules are wrong, so I'm branching out. Except that maxi skirts are really tough to style, especially when you are kind of short & relatively lumpy. Observe my vain-meets-awkward photos taken in front of a dirty mirror on a purple phone with terrible lighting. In order, I like to call these looks "Amish Chic," "Boobs on Parade " & "Fauxfessional."

As you can tell, I've not yet gotten around to experimenting with colors. One step at a time, folks. So far, I've only worn the first outfit out in public, & I felt like a Mennonite version of Annie Camden the entire time, despite reassurance from my favorite Twitter fashionistas that I'd done well. Two days later, I discovered the XL sticker still stuck to the front of the sweater.

Furthermore, I have begun wearing vests. VESTS. Yeah, I know. Who am I?

Um, yeah, I don't think I'm into vests, after all. How are you supposed to style ANY OF THESE? Clearly, I have no idea. I'm embarrassed that I just posted those photos.

Look, I'm trying, OK? But sometimes I get exhausted & just wear leggings as pants, which is unforgivable, I know, & makes me the biggest hypocrite of all of the hypocrites who ever lived. But also the most comfortable hypocrite. Here are the many faces of Casual Kate; please note that I'm only wearing leggings as pants in one of these photos:

Don't worry, guys. Sometimes I keep it classic/classy.

Would you judge me if I told you that black dress is from JLo's line...? Yeah, it's OK, I'm judging me, too. The pink dress I wore to Rendez-Vous New England is also from Kohl's - the Elle line, I believe. Apparently, I am 16. Also, this is the only item of pink clothing I own.

So, uh, how am I doing? What can I do better? HELP ME. But please be kind. My fashion esteem is fragile.

Photos: Mugatu; the rest my own