With Regahds from (Neah) Bahston

I've said it before (see: Twitter), & I'll say it again: The accents in New England continue to astound me. Every time a native opens his or her mouth, I'm truly shocked by the dialect that emerges. Sure, I've heard tell of that infamous "pahk the cah" accent, but prior to moving here, I was under the misguided impression that such exaggerated pronunciation existed only in the likes of the "The Departed."

I can admit it: I was wrong.

At the risk of offending Lexa & Erin & any other pals who are products of Beantown, I'd like to list the top three phrases I've so far discovered sound truly comical when spoken with a Bostonian accent. Drumroll pleeeeease:

• The first shocker came when I asked an unassuming WalMart employee where I could find Chapstick. "It's ovah neah the phahmacy," she told me. I literally just stared at her, mouth agape, for about 10 seconds before I regained my composure, thanked her, & headed off toward the Chapstick aisle. After tweeting & Facebooking my surprise.
  
  
• The iPhone case I purchased at Target came with a $5 rebate in the form of a Target card. So naturally, the cashier handed it to me & informed me, "This is a $5 rebate in the foahm of a Tahget cahd."
  
  
• A nearby furniture store, Bernie & Phyl's, runs commercials featuring its two very excited owners speaking in loud voices about, you got, it their "furnitchah stoah." As a bonus, they also use the phrase "depahtment stoah." 

Seriously, everyone here is a caricature of Cliff Clavin.

I can hear you asking me me why the novelty hasn't worn off yet. "They're going to keep speaking like this!" you're saying. "Get used to it!"

And to that? I say: Nevah.