DC Goes to the Birds

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I have a lot of aversions that I can recognize as being utterly irrational - velvet, for example, (it feels like petting a cat backwards) & Diaper Decks in public restrooms (long story). But one that I think is totally rational? Birds.

Let's be clear - birds are disgusting. And the ones in this city are ruthless. They don't care where they fly, or at whom. They're happy to skim the top of your head & knock you completely off balance as they make their way to wherever it is that birds are always in a rush to fly to. Also, when I was about 7 years old, my parents & I traveled to D.C., where a bird pooped on my arm. This perhaps added to my trauma.

But even if I don't like them, birds in nature get a free pass from me because, you know, they're supposed to be there. What I don't get is this new District trend of carrying your bird around the city with you.

For example, while walking Adam's Morgan last week, I encountered this man sitting outside the police station with a birdcage. With a bird in it:

Question numero uno: Where could you possibly be going that would require you to take your bird on the road with you???

I assumed it was an isolated incident, but I assumed incorrectly. You know what they say about assuming - but in this card, I don't think it made "an ass of u & me" so much as it made an ass of these bird-toting weirdos.

Second spotting: At Bar Dupont on St. Patrick's Day, I observed (& a friend covertly photographed) this woman with two cockatiels - on a leash. Surrounded by people. On the patio of a bar.

There's no good way to end a post that grosses me out as much as this one does. FLY AWAY HOME. Do not take your birds out in public with you.
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