Delivery Me From Evil

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I'm hungry. It's raining. I'm residually ill. These feel like three superb reasons to order dinner in rather than going out to get it - or eating Kraft for the third day in a row.

I ring DC Snacks, which delivers food, beverages, hookah & more to those in the District with late-night cravings. "Do you deliver to Woodley Park?" I inquire. The employee answers, quite clearly, "Yep, we do." Great! I quickly place my order & excitedly text a friend, "I just ordered dinner from TGIFridays bc DCsnacks delivers from there. Amazing. The Midwest at my door!"

An hour later, I get a call from my "driver" asking me where I live. I explain. He asks, "Where is that in relation to M Street? That's where I am." I tell him I have no idea, that I've never driven a car in the District. Don't deliveryfolk have to take some sort of directional test? Look at some sort of map? Carry some sort of GPS? Or... not.

Two minutes later, he calls back. "I just want you to know that you're WAY out of my delivery area," he shouts. "I'm on a bike! We only deliver around GW!" Well... that's all jolly & good, sir, but why did your colleague tell me otherwise?! And why didn't anyone notice until you were on the bike? And why do you deliver on bikes? OK, that last one is beside the point.

The general manager I speak with next apologizes only for the driver biker's attitude ("He's not great with people") & almost not at all for the informational faux pas. "Your food is on its way," he assures me. Well, gee, those chicken strips & fries sure will be tasty once I reheat them after the two-hour wait! Here's $20! Why don't I just rip it in half?

Seriously. Am I under some sort of customer service curse? Is there a scarlet S painted on my forehead that stands for "SCREW ME OVER"?

Bonus: When the delivery biker finally arrives, the Jack Daniels sauce from my chicken strips has coated my entire order, including the free condom that DC Snacks puts in the bottom of every bag. Yum!

Double Bonus: After one bite, I toss my cold, limp French fries into the garbage disposal. It breaks, backing up & spewing French fry bits all over the sink. Maintenance will come fix it... on Monday.


PS: I found this. Afterward.


  1. On BIKE? They must've found someone in uber good shape to get up that hill!

    Alternatively, you could just start grocery shopping. Elios pizza is great for just those occasions, and the Giant at Van Ness stocks 'em!

    Just saying.

    (Also, free condoms? Uhm.)

  2. Oh dear freakin' Lord.

    Why are people such IDIOTS? That's really all I got, unfortunately. PEOPLE ARE MORONS!

    Sorry you had to go through that.

  3. okay so a few things: 1) not to be like your mom, but i want you to call your doctor bc this illness is lingering and you need tamiflu or at least cough syrup with codene (mmm) 2) i ordered dcsnacks last night and they were fine coming to dupont 3) you should def e-mail matt at dc snacks and tell them about your flu supplies delivery idea 4) i will be quarantined in my apt until tues at the earliest and am happy to entertain you over the interwebs and compare sick notes

  4. If they deliver in the district, then their drivers/bikers should know the district. That's just ridiculous.

    Seriously hope you start feeling better! If not, go see the doctor.

  5. I don't know you Emily Pearl Goodstein, but thank you for giving her hell about getting to the DR -- my sentiments exactly!!!Do it ASAP Kate!

  6. Because nothing says class like a) a delivery biker with attitude, b) cold food, and c) Jack Daniels Sauce-flavored condoms.

    That really sucks, dude. Hope you start feeling better, though. At least you're eating solids! (Or trying to, as it were)

  7. I want to freak out about what an ass he was, but i'm still stunned that anyone delivers TGIFRIDAYS!!! God, I want to live in dc. And be rich. That'd be a very cool combo.

  8. your sickness and my sickness must be friends - for serious, they are just alike.

  9. Yeah, I'm actually with Maxie.

    I'm totally outraged on your behalf, but then I'm all, "Yeah, but I can't delivery HOOKA (WTF?) or WINE or really anything good. You suck."

    Except you don't suck and I lurve your hair.

  10. i wish i had the balls to refuse to pay in situations like that. i mean, it's not ENTIRELY the bike dude's fault, but definitely not YOUR fault, and you shouldn't have to pay for shitty, 2 hour old, cold food, you know?

    ...except i always do, because i have no balls. suck.

    (HAHAHAHA no joke, my verification is "nom metro")

  11. I commend the delivery "rider" for making the effort to deliver to you even after he realized that you were outside his range..and is it really his fault that Fridays food doesn't deliver well...I mean who orders french fries thru delivery services? Fries + sealed plastic container + steam = soggy

  12. I heard the Fridays that DC Snacks delivers from can take a really long time to prepare the food, and that's why those orders wind up taking so long.

  13. I order french fries through delivery all. the. time. And I expect them to be crisp and delicious all. the. time. If a delivery service can't get them to me crisp and delicious every. single. time, then it should just say it upfront. I judge failure, not honesty.


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