He's already wearing a camera around his neck, so I wouldn't have trusted him anyway, but listen, if you're so scared of communicable diseases that you're going to require your entire family to
- Get off Priceline & don't bother booking those tickets.
- Tuck your Metro map away for another day.
- Use your vacation money to order a nice new TV instead, because you're going to need something to pass the time when you're at home under quarantine, where you belong.
But perhaps more importantly than face-masked families, do not trust a person on a Segway. I mean it. Not even a cop on a Segway, because there must be some reason the police force wouldn't give him a legitimate mode of transportation like a car or a motorcycle or even a bicycle or, hell, a horse. So just don't go near Segways - but especially do not go near Segway tours:
Did you know that there's even a special new Segway tour that highlights the Lincoln assassination? The promo copy reads, "The Lincoln Assassination Segway Tour will bring America’s most famous crime to life in the heart of Washington, DC." Because nothing says "Thanks for the memories, DC!" like murder on wheels.
Note: I promise not to blog about tourists every day, bless their bumbling, lost souls. But how could I be expected to resist giving you these two gems?! Exactly. I couldn't be. And you're welcome.