Friday, July 30, 2010

Foursquare Has Given Me a False Sense of Ego & Fame

I used to work at a city-owned gym, where the local mayor came in to get his elliptical on with regularity. The gym staff, of course, knew who the mayor was, particularly because he’s held the position practically since my birth. We were extra-nice to him & to his wife, laughing at their old people-esque jokes & handing them sweat towels & generally hoping they didn’t recommend we be fired.

I want the Woodley Park Starbucks employees to do the same for me. After all, I am their mayor.

Last week, upon my post-lunch pick-me-up arrival, my favorite barista, the tall guy who used to work at the Starbucks in my old neighborhood, asked, “The usual?” I practically fainted with joy. I’M A REGULAR! “One shot?” he asked, just in case it was a two-shot kind of day instead. I’M SUCH A REGULAR THAT THE DUDE EVEN CHECKS ON MY WELFARE. You can’t imagine my happiness. Or maybe you can.

Today, I went ahead & ordered my drink because I am a noble ruler who can walk among the little people & live like them (much like @CongJoeWilson). When I asked the barista for a bag to hold my sandwich, cashews & yogurt cup (there’s a shortage of restaurants in Woodley Park, OK?), she informed me that she’d have to charge me five cents for it. “It’s a DC thing,” she lamented cheerfully.

I am fully aware of this “DC thing.” Because I live in DC. And because I come to this Starbucks every day.

To add insult to injury, as she handed me my receipt, she stamped the back & asked, “Are you familiar with our Treat Receipts?” My heart skipped a beat, & not in a good way (is there a good way for that? I guess it’s more of a medical malady than a metaphor). I know all about Treat Receipts, which allow you to purchase any cold grande bev for just $2 after 2pm with an a.m. receipt. I know all about Treat Receipts because I use them as often as possible. And because I come to this Starbucks every day. Did I mention that?

I campaigned hard for my mayorship. I’ve worked in this neighborhood for a mere two months but my dedication to the district means that I have already visited this store 20 times in an attempt to oust the previous ruler, who was no doubt undeserving & unqualified to serve in this post. And 20 trips means at least $87 spent, which is an expensive campaign investment for a young professional like me.

In short, I demand more of my citizenry. I KNOW ABOUT YOUR BAG TAX! I KNOW ABOUT YOUR TREAT RECEIPTS! I HAVE "A USUAL"! Can't a ruler get a little respect?

13 comments:

Clevelandsaplum said...

1. this post made me giggle very hard.
2. you're blog design is friggin awesome, who did it?

phampants said...

I may have snorted while drinking water as I read this post. Thanks for bringing this little joy to my day. =)

Blake said...

How do you do screen shots of your iphone?!? Your level of technology mastery is intimidating.

Oh, also, this post is hilarious.

Alicewonderland0 said...

i... do not understand foursquare. at all.

Emily Goodstein said...

this is one of my favorite posts you have written, ever. i just became the mayor of this weirdo restaurant next to my office yesterday after only two visits. i felt cheap and awkward.

Chaviva E. said...

You slay me, lol ... this is awesome. I must share with the masses.

I've been struggling with losing my mayorships in Connecticut. Luckily, I'm picking them up like CRAZY here in Teaneck. My DOMINATION HAS BEGUN!

Good Girl Gone Blog said...

Ha. I love it. You're such a silly girl...or should I say mayor??

Jaclyn1423 said...

OK, someone explain to me -- What the heck is this "mayor" thing? I see it on Fb a lot. I haven't the faintest what it is or what it means.

Bre said...

Being a mayor just means that you "check in" there more than anyone else.
http://support.foursquare.com/entries/188303-what-is-a-foursquare-mayor

Bre said...

Haha. I love this.
And you obviously deserve the respect, being the mayor.

Roseanna said...

Haha! Love it. I want to be the mayor of something, that is now my life goal. Goodbye Education.

Dmbosstone said...

Do you feel like foursquare helped you develop loyalty towards this particular Starbucks? This is certainly an interesting case study for Foursquare.

Hermia said...

Ah damn.....you're just going to have to visit even more and make scenes everytime you go in so all the staff know you! But not annoying mean scenes, or they'll spit in your coffee!

What's with this Mayor thing? Are you actually Mayor? Cos that's pretty damn cool!

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