"Yo, This is Swanky As F*ck."

One of the perks of summer in the city is an abundance of invitations to a variety of free events. Last night, I attended an event planning fair at the National Zoo with a few coworkers, & I think Ben "The Benator" Weyl put it best when he turned to me, as we awaited our free Linenkugels, & uttered the line that is the subject of this blog post. That sentence sums it up: Although the event was of said swankiness status, Ben's crass description betrayed our severe lack of personal swank.

Regardless, we enjoyed three "stations" of free food & drink. In the Small Mammal House, we dined on shooters of asparagus soup, platefuls of creamy spinach & artichoke dip and mini provolone sandwiches, and we camped out outside the kitchen area for second helpings of crispy plantains with guacamole & hearts of palm. We also enjoyed not one but two free cocktails, aptly named things like Zebra Stripes and the Leopartini.

At the second station, located in what was basically a small meadow, we feasted on Midwestern-style BBQ -- brats, hot dogs, veggie burgers, baked beans, fruit salad & all four glorious flavors of Linenkugel -- while listening to an Enya-style band with a bored-looking lead. I sneaked a Coke into my purse for the road because the contents of my refrigerator are, as usual, pathetically substandard.

And finally, we trekked to Amazonia, where we were surprised to find, not the advertised fondue & flambe, but a buffet of Latin-style hors d'oeuvres, my favorite of which were the prosciutto-wrapped mango slices. Sounds gross, I know, but as Joanna said, "Anything tastes good wrapped in thinly sliced ham."

Swanky.

As.

F*ck.

Try not to be jealous of us.