Idol Chatter, Week II

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I promise not to make a habit of this, but I can't resist chronicling all the word vomit that American Idol induces. This week's song theme was "tunes from the year the contestants were born." On your marks, get set....
  • I cannot stand by Danny Gokey as he massacres an '80s classic. I hope somebody will be standing by me when I pass out as a result of adult contemporary overload.
  • Kris sounds like he's got a mouthful of rocks under that trash 'stache. And based on this song, whoever she is, all she wants to do is dance to someone else's song.
  • "Indulgent" is Simon's new word du season. It's also a favorite of Chef Gordon Ramsay. Quick, maybe the Brits are onto some new vocab trend.
  • Dear Ryan Seacrest: There's a reason you're a host & not a judge. Think of yourself as a wax statue - all you have to do is look shiny & well-coiffed! Do not speak unless it's scripted; your critiques are even more unwanted than Paula's, which is really saying something.
  • Lil Rounds look like a hooker from the '80s. And are her shoes made of recycled prom tiaras & Paula's old earrings? Ain't no Whitney, sista.
  • I want to have light brown babies with Anoop. Hopefully they'll have my eyebrows, though.
  • I also want for Anoop to sing this song to me. In my bed.
  • Scott's McIntyre's hair has gotten marginally better while his voice has gotten exponentially worse.
  • I've just stopped supporting affirmative action. Can we send the blind kid home now, please? It's past time.
  • Based on her childhood photograph, Allison Iraheta was a Pocahontas/Rapunzel hybrid in her youth.
  • These days, however, if Ronald McDonald were 16 years old & emphysemic, his name would be Allison Iraheta.
  • As skeezy as Matt Giraud is, I would totally be his parttime lover based on his snazzy rendition of this Stevie Wonder tune.
  • Ouch. Nothing like a little falsetto scat combo to make a girl go back on her word.
  • Randy says Matt was "one of the best of the night," which, at this point, isn't saying much.
  • I think Adam Lambert is older than his mother. Say whaaaat?
  • "I decided that I wanted to dress like a grown up," Adam Lambert says of his childhood fashion sense. Hey, kids! Apparently grown ups dress like Hitler!
  • Adam looks looks drastically better without the eyeliner & the creepy blue lighting. Like your average, swanky gay man instead of a Tim Burton character with a Michael Jackson twist.
  • Do I even need to watch this show for the next seven weeks? The outcome is clear. Wake me when Adam Lambert is crowned American Idol.


  1. Maybe Lil should have sang Private Dancer ;-)
    Matt Giraud is still my favorite for perhaps obvious and sad reasons. . .

  2. You need to live tweet this stuff...except for your Anoop love :)

  3. Ha Ha Ha! I love it! I feel the same way; actually never made it through a season because I think the show is a crock and a waste of time...not kidding!


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