My Day at the Doc: Real-Life Potty Humor

Thursday, June 5, 2008

In my search for a D.C. doctor, two coworkers recommended I see their internist, rated one of the best in the district by The Washingtonian. Yesterday, said doc sees me briefly before referring me two floors up to get some blood work done. Imagine my surprise when I arrive to find what amounts to a free clinic, crawling with crazies (shocking!) & an African-American albino (actually shocking!) & a patient named Antoinette Braxton (hilarious).

Following my blood test, during which I blacked out, I was asked to give a urine sample. The two bathrooms at said clinic, however, had both just been cleaned & wouldn’t be available for another 20 minutes – sort of ridiculous since urine samples are one of two things they do at the clinics. Tired of waiting, I agreed to use the restroom across the hall, grabbing my sample cup & heading for the lobby, where I noticed that, in classic free clinic style, the waiting room was filled with dozens of patients.

It was only then that I realized I’d have to walk through this same room in a few minutes… carrying a cup of my own pee. I might as well have been holding a sign that read, "Look at me! I'm dehydrated!" I headed off to this sketchy bathroom with a cupful of soap rather than a dispenser (see below) & then embarrassedly rushed back through the waiting room with my sample wrapped in a towel. Like no one knew what it was?!

To top it off, I blacked out again in the elevator, woozy from the blood test. Three strangers came to my rescue – one bought me Gatorade, another gave me Jolly Ranchers & a third handed me a wet washcloth for my neck. Who ever said city folk are heartless?

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