Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Idol Chatter, Week II

I promise not to make a habit of this, but I can't resist chronicling all the word vomit that American Idol induces. This week's song theme was "tunes from the year the contestants were born." On your marks, get set....
  • I cannot stand by Danny Gokey as he massacres an '80s classic. I hope somebody will be standing by me when I pass out as a result of adult contemporary overload.
  • Kris sounds like he's got a mouthful of rocks under that trash 'stache. And based on this song, whoever she is, all she wants to do is dance to someone else's song.
  • "Indulgent" is Simon's new word du season. It's also a favorite of Chef Gordon Ramsay. Quick, maybe the Brits are onto some new vocab trend.
  • Dear Ryan Seacrest: There's a reason you're a host & not a judge. Think of yourself as a wax statue - all you have to do is look shiny & well-coiffed! Do not speak unless it's scripted; your critiques are even more unwanted than Paula's, which is really saying something.
  • Lil Rounds look like a hooker from the '80s. And are her shoes made of recycled prom tiaras & Paula's old earrings? Ain't no Whitney, sista.
  • I want to have light brown babies with Anoop. Hopefully they'll have my eyebrows, though.
  • I also want for Anoop to sing this song to me. In my bed.
  • Scott's McIntyre's hair has gotten marginally better while his voice has gotten exponentially worse.
  • I've just stopped supporting affirmative action. Can we send the blind kid home now, please? It's past time.
  • Based on her childhood photograph, Allison Iraheta was a Pocahontas/Rapunzel hybrid in her youth.
  • These days, however, if Ronald McDonald were 16 years old & emphysemic, his name would be Allison Iraheta.
  • As skeezy as Matt Giraud is, I would totally be his parttime lover based on his snazzy rendition of this Stevie Wonder tune.
  • Ouch. Nothing like a little falsetto scat combo to make a girl go back on her word.
  • Randy says Matt was "one of the best of the night," which, at this point, isn't saying much.
  • I think Adam Lambert is older than his mother. Say whaaaat?
  • "I decided that I wanted to dress like a grown up," Adam Lambert says of his childhood fashion sense. Hey, kids! Apparently grown ups dress like Hitler!
  • Adam looks looks drastically better without the eyeliner & the creepy blue lighting. Like your average, swanky gay man instead of a Tim Burton character with a Michael Jackson twist.
  • Do I even need to watch this show for the next seven weeks? The outcome is clear. Wake me when Adam Lambert is crowned American Idol.

4 comments:

Mary said...

Maybe Lil should have sang Private Dancer ;-)
Matt Giraud is still my favorite for perhaps obvious and sad reasons. . .

Shannon said...

HAHAHA

Brent said...

You need to live tweet this stuff...except for your Anoop love :)

Lynsey said...

Ha Ha Ha! I love it! I feel the same way; actually never made it through a season because I think the show is a crock and a waste of time...not kidding!

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