Wednesday, May 18, 2011

And I'm Like Baby, Baby, Baby, No...

When people tell me, "I have good news & bad news. Which do you want first?" I always ask for the bad to start because I'd rather end on a good note. Like, if the entree sucks, at least dessert is coming. For this post, an in-the-moment recap of my less-than-awesome travel experience from New Orleans to Boston on Monday morning, I have set it up in this bad entree/good dessert style. I am, you see, ever the optimist! (Ha.)

I wrote this post on my iPad while on the plane*, but I'm just now posting it because a post-travel bout of The Plague had me down for the count for the past 48 hours. That counts as a sucky entree. The good is that... um, the plane didn't pull a "Lost," I guess? Though it's definitely cold enough for a polar bear up here in New Hampshire right now. ANYWAY. Onto the business.

***** 

The bad: When I attempt to pay for my airport breakfast of Diet Coke & an almond/flaxseed health bar (where is McDonald's when all you want is an 8am McGriddle?!), I realize my debit card is nowhere to be found.

The good: I am thrilled to learn that the cab driver who dropped me off at the airport has located my debit card in his backseat. I think he never gave it back to me & was possibly attempting to steal it, but it's more possible that I am simply a paranoid, neurotic individual.

*****

The bad: It will cost me another $33 plus tip for the cabbie to return to the airport to drop off my debit card.

The good: The cabbie has time to drive back to the airport to drop off my debit card. Also, I am a paranoid, neurotic individual, which means I arrived at the airport a full two hours before my flight, giving me plenty of time to deal with such shenanigans.

*****
The bad: I have already passed through security but will have to do so again after retrieving my debit card. The security line, which was short upon my first go-through, is now approximately the length of a midnight showing of a new Harry Potter flick.

The good: A kindly TSA agent tells me I can go through the priority line on my way back through so I do not have to wait in the line a second time.

*****

The bad: On my second security go-through, TSA confiscates the fig jam I stupidly & impulsively purchased from the St. James Cheese Company (& had initially managed to smuggle through lax security). As added punishment, they also confiscate a miniature snow globe I'd purchased for my boyfriend as a souvenir. Apparently snow globes of any size are a terrorism hazard. Glitter is a deadly weapon!

The good: What I lose on souvenirs ($23, to be exact - that fig jam was fancy shiz), I make up for in cabbie kindness. Despite his 20-minute drive back to the airport to remedy my mistake, he did not charge me for the trip. He does call me "baby" - twice - but I'm willing to endure minor sexual harassment in exchange for the safe return of my sole source of money retrieval. Is this some form of lesser prostitution?

*****

The bad: When I choose Justin Bieber's "Baby" as my inaugural flight song, the teen superstar's photo pops up FULL-SCREEN SIZED on my new iPad. Because I haven't yet mastered iPad technology, I frantically swipe at a few buttons while the Biebs' swooshy-banged mug grins at the man sitting next to me, making me feel like a pop culture pedophile.

The good: The dude next to me is approximately 65 years old & does not speak English. It is my hope that Beiber Fever has not yet become a trend in his native Guatemala.


*This post is so long that none of you will read it in its entirety. That's OK. I'm conceited enough to post is anyway, sans editing.

17 comments:

Good Girl Gone Blog said...

 I love writing these kinds of posts. It was fun to read. Sorry about your jam :(

San said...

Haha, that was a good one. Really love the "bad - good' juxtaposition.  :)

Airport security policies (and logic) completely beats me... I have gone through with so much stuff before that was taken away on the next trip. How about some predictability?

Christine Rose said...

 Not the jam!! And the Beiber moment sounds completely like something that would happen to me. 

Liz said...

"Is this some sort of lesser prostitution?" Hahahaha.

theTsaritsa said...

Sorry you're not feeling well!! It was nice of the cabbie to return your card! At least another passenger didn't pick it up and take it. 

Ashley said...

Ha.  The Bieber embarrassment continues! A coworker came up behind me while I was reading your post and asked me why I was reading about J. Biebs.

justatitch said...

 I read the WHOLE THING. That's one nice cabbie! Also, every cabbie ever has called me some form of baby, so I don't think you're bad at all.

StaceyKay said...

OMG that sucks so bad, haha great post!

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Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

lol this is such a funny/cute post! i am glad all the good came your way, as realized you lost your debit card is the saddest thing ever!  ps- i love the biebs too ;) 

Susan Pogorzelski said...

I'm seriously lamenting the fact that I hadn't found your blog even sooner. Oh, the adventures of travel. Feel better! 

annalise laird said...

 "Also, I am a paranoid, neurotic individual, which means I arrived at the airport a full two hours before my flight, giving me plenty of time to deal with such shenanigans."
Oh god, this is exactly me.

Ashley said...

This entire post is hilarious, but I lost it during the Bieber part! I have totally been in the same situation on the Metro. :)

Nadine said...

Haha, you cracked me up. At first I was tempted to NOT read that long post, but you got me. Hilarious.
Also, it is very cool that you don't only see the bad sides. Positive thinking, yay!
And maybe next time everything works out quite well. I mean, never say never. ;-)

Here's to a good weekend. XO.

mandy said...

You had me at the title on this one and now I have the song stuck in my head. I'm glad that things turned out ok at the airport. I'm a closeted Bieber fan too.

phampants said...

That is one kind cab driver.  I was expecting the TSA going all body scan and more on you.

Lizzie said...

 Brilliant post - and the Bieber moment just tops it all off! ;)

renee kristine said...

Hahahaha this made me laugh. I'm so happy everything worked out! It so ridiculous when they take liquids... Really, you were going to combine jam and glitter to make that plane explode, we're onto you.

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