Monday, June 6, 2011

This is Why I'm Not a Fashion Blogger (A Review & a Photo of Me Wearing Leggings Almost as Pants)

I read a lot of blogs. Funny blogs, food blogs, feminist blogs, other blogs that cannot be identified with an adjective beginning with the letter F. But the subject of this post can be: fashion blogs.

Yes, I subscribe to a handful of fashion blogs & find myself usually impressed/sometimes disdainful (dude, some people have bizarre taste) by others' style & their dedication to photographing themselves with regularity & posting their outfits online for the world to judge. This spring, a representative from online dress company Shabby Apple offered me the opportunity to review a dress of my choosing from the company's website, & though I'm the furthest thing from a fashion blogger, I thought it might be fun to play one for a bit.

On top of that, I dig Shabby Apple's values. The company donates 5% of its net dress sales to Unitus, which supports women's work in India by providing them with microcredit loans. Some of these women's stories are featured on Shabby Apple's website, & I found myself reading through all of them. I heartily approve of fashion with a conscience!

Then came the tough part: dressing myself. I initially chose the Kenya, a camel-colored faux wrap dress that the Shabby Apple rep assured me "looks good on every single person I've ever seen wear it." It seems I was the exception to this rule. I took photos, but they're basically NSFW with all the cleavage spilling out; you do not get to see them. Suffice it to say, I did not look nearly as ethereal as this model:

The Kenya was quickly sent back from whence it came, & I moved on to my second choice, the Da Vinci, from Shabby Apple's new Roamin' Holiday Collection.


This model must be a bazillion feet tall, because this dress came damn near my ankles. And the drop waist, designed to cover stomach baggage, made me look like I was unsuccessfully hiding a pregnancy. Perhaps these are both signs that the dress was too big - but I was too embarrassed to ask for yet another return! Instead, I asked my mom to hem the skirt & shorten it to a wearable, non-Amish length.

Except the material was stretchy & flippy, & My Mom The Master Seamstress perhapppps overestimated the size of my ass, & so my lovely, free dress instead became, um, a tunic of sorts. Definitely not a dress anymore. Definitely not a wearable length. "Try it with leggings!" my mom suggested. So I tried. And... well, that looked stupid, & I oppose the wearing of leggings as pants. But did I mention that I'm wearing it today anyway? I can't pass up free clothes, guys, even if they're of questionable taste when all tailoring is said & done. And sometimes ugly stuff is comfy stuff.

Basically, though my interactions with Shabby Apple were largely positive & both dresses were, in theory, quite nice, my experience confirmed that I would make for a terrible fashion blogger. If I had to photograph myself daily & post it for the blogging world to see, I would probably die of embarrassment & poor photography skills.


I also apparently make for a terrible fashion wearer. Clearly, I cannot dress myself. SOS, Stacey & Clinton. Please send help.

*Thank you to Shabby Apple for providing me the opportunity to review this dress. I'm really sorry I effed it up.
*Credits as follows: Dress-turned-tunic, Shabby Apple/my mom; necklace, Send the Trend; sandals, Steve Madden; leggings, Target; shame, my own
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