Friday, May 27, 2011

Hunkered Down in the Buckeye State

"Hunkered down" is such a funny term because you never hear the word "hunkered" without the word "down" to accompany it. It's almost like they have to go together for "hunker" to exist at all, like the way you never hear anyone say the word "crannies" unless they says "nooks and" before it.

Anyway. The weather sucks in the Midwest right now. Maybe you've heard?

I arrived home in Ohio on Tuesday evening & spent Wednesday night hunkered down indeed, hiding out in my mom's unfinished basement with one very scared dog. Here's a highlight reel. I:
  • Realized that the faint wailing in the background of my DVRed episode of the "Glee" finale didn't quite match the music & was actually the city's tornado siren

  • Carried my mom's 35ish-lb., elderly dog to the basement because she refuses to make the descent on her own

  • Made myself as comfortable as possible in a cold, wet corner better suited to shackling someone to the wall or harboring a secret slave. Not that my mom does those things. I'm just saying.

    PHOTO REDACTED AT MY MOTHER'S INSISTENCE. CENSORSHIPPPP!

  • Created a cozy little corner for aforementioned scared dog, who shook like a leaf (what a weird expression - lots of things shake more than leaves) during our entire time together hiding out from would-be twisters. Please note: "Cozy" is an exaggeration.


  • Videotaped potential last words, which I will not post for you here, because retrospectively, they are terribly embarrassing now that I'm still alive

  • Tweeted profusely with @jensteer & @betternovembers, who let me know that funnel clouds had been spotted over my hometown, though nothing had touched down

  • Killed three spiders with a yardstick

  • Cried twice out of fear of both spiders & storms

  • Created this Fourquare event to make myself feel better. My first Event Space, woooo! I'M ALMOST THE MAYOR OF TORNADOVILLE.


  • Uncovered this hysterical photo of my father circa God-knows-when:


  • Found this not-quite-as-embarrassing photo of me dressed as a spider ballerina, sporting some really heavy side-bangs for a ballet recital. Don't worry, the rest of my hair existed; it was just in a bun:


  • Received blessed word that though a thunderstorm warning was still in effect, I probably didn't need to spend the rest of the evening cohabiting with spiders

  • Carried my dog up the stairs at the end of the ordeal only to discover that she had peed herself in fear. Can't say I blame her.
I shouldn't complain. We're safe, & as far as I've heard, the storm didn't cause any injuries, though it did a hell of a lot of property damage - roofs ripped off & caved in, trees downed across major streets, general chaos.

The moral of my personal experience: Tornado warnings are the best case I can think of for having a finished basement. But I guess it was worth it for that photo of my dad.
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