Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Kate & the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very-Bad Week

I'm having a bad week. Like, really, it's just not a good one. My recent tweets are testament to this:



 Oh, & this one, which I particularly like:

Yes, I seem to be suffering from an ongoing case of the Mondays that began on Saturday. And while I recognize that this is not the kind of thing people want to read about in their social networks, I think it's pretty forgivable, on the whole. And pretty human. No one can be sunshine & unicorns all the time; hell, I'm not sunshine & unicorns half the time. But it's not like I'm a perma-moper, either. No, seriously, I'm not a perma-moper.

Wait, am I?! Oh, God, I might be a perma-moper.

Today, I was really caught off guard when a friend (I'm using that term loosely, as Socialmedialand is a fickle, fickle place) implied that she is no longer interested in associating with me because she wants to surround herself with positivity - and apparently, I no longer fit the bill.

I confess to being particularly prickly about friends changing their minds about me. More than once, I've found myself looking around with eyes wide & mouth open in confusion, wondering when the people I liked stopped liking me back. For a long, long time, I was convinced that my friends did not actually like me - & more than once, I was proven correct. I've yet to shake this insecurity, that the people who claim to care about me will soon change their minds & run screaming in the other direction without ever telling me why.

In this realm, blogging has done weird things for me. I've made friends, absolutely. I text with some of them, I meet them for dinner or coffee when we're in the same cities, & I have their home addresses when I want to send them Christmas cards or "Congrats on your engagement!" cards. They're quick to hone in on both the bad & the good, to offer sympathy or support or sarcasm, whichever is most situationally appropriate. But I see other bloggers becoming real-life besties with the people they've met through blogging, & I'm just baffled. I value my online community very, very much, but for the most part, they're just that - an online community. My online friendships have not translated into much more than online friendships.

But online or off, that's not why I started this blog. I started it because I love to write, love to talk, love to tell stories & turn the mundane into the magical. I began this blog as a fun creative outlet, not as a personal journal or a networking tool. I did not start blogging because I needed or wanted more friends. But still, I find myself a little bit jealous of the cohorts of blogger BFFs I see emerging from the depths of Socialmedialand, while I reside on some outer island, relevant but not requisite.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I defective? Am I too negative, too mopey? Does it matter? I have plenty of friends, both online & off, & a blog I love, regardless of whether it results in friendships. Shouldn't that be enough? And when the hell will this week be over?

Now I'm just whining. That, too, is specifically not the point of this blog. Damn it.

Back to your regularly scheduled program soon. I hope.
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