Monday, October 31, 2011

A Halloween Fright Indeed!

Guys, my mind is blown. Blown, I tell you. We all know I love dialects & regionalisms, but there are certain things that just are, you know? There are some things you don't mess with - things I never would've dreamed are different in other places.

Tonight I learned that all Halloween trick-or-treating is not created equal.

Where I come from, Halloween is a scheduled event that usually has very little to do with October 31st - unless October 31st happens to fall on a Saturday. Every year, the city schedules trick-or-treating time, usually the Saturday before Halloween from, say, 6:30-8:30pm. Of course, cities can schedule it whenever they want, but this is the usual time, & neighboring cities usually overlap so kids can't go trick-or-treating on a bunch of different nights!

Here in New Hampshire, it's done the same way - frankly, it never occurred to me that it could be done any other way. The City of Portsmouth originally scheduled Trick-or-Treat Night for yesterday from 5:30-7:30pm, but when a freak snowstorm blew through (perhaps you heard about it), trick-or-treating was rescheduled & was instead held today from 5-6:30pm. 

During the course of a Twitter conversation with Grace, I learned that in other parts of the country, trick-or-treating is basically a free for all. On Halloween day (I think?), costumed kids start knocking on doors & don't stop until whenever they feel like it!

A HALLOWEEN FREE-FOR-ALL! I'd never heard - or dreamed - of such a thing. This seems insane to me. How do you know when the kids are coming? How do they know when it's time to stop? How annoying! And it's on a week-day? WHAT? That's exhausting!

Upon further research, I learned that city-scheduled Trick-or-Treat Nights (sometimes called Beggars' Night) are exclusive to Ohio, Iowa, Western New York, Massachusetts and, you guessed it, New Hampshire. One blogger, a non-Ohioan living in Columbus, wrote a "defense" of free-for-all Halloween, but I don't really understand what he's saying, which is why I put "defense in quotations. Not helpful.

I have lots to say about free-for-all trick-or-treating, as demonstrated by the conversations that ensued on Twitter & Facebook. Apparently, like, 80% of my social media friends think I'm the crazy one here, as it seems the majority of the country has never heard of scheduled trick-or-treating. On Twitter, a few folks seemed appalled at the idea of timed trick-or-treating - and while I am equally appalled by the idea of un-timed trick-or-treating, I hate feeling like people think Ohio is backwards & podunk. Doesn't a set schedule for trick-or-treating just makes sense? It's safe! It's orderly! Porchlights turn off when the set time is over! Go home!

Hey, at least we're not from Des Moines. They get really wacky with their Halloween traditions.


Images: Clipart.com, MyRemoteRadio.com

Those Garbanzo Beans Sure Are Stylish


Please tell me I'm not the only grammar nerd who finds this salad bar sign hilarious.

Friday, October 28, 2011

50 Things I've Done

Earlier this week I posted my "Never Have I Ever" list, so it only makes sense that this one would come next. I swear I'm not just phoning in my blog posts these days - but I thought these lists were so much fun to create, & they really helped me take a look at (and appreciate!) all the cool things I've done. Yes, 50 things might be a lot to list, but once I started, I couldn't edit myself; no, I don't expect you to read them all. So tell me: What cool things have you done?
In my 27 years, I have:

  1. Had a stripper at my house
    When I turned 19, my college & high school friends collaborated to bring a cop stripper... to my mom's home. It was horrific.

  2. Worn a back brace
    I told you about this. It was a low point. My cousins called me Quasi, as in 'modo.

  3. Purchased a car
    After a decade of  relying on my mom to help me with vehicles,
    I bought a Honda Civic in March. Oh, car payments, welcome.

  4. Quit a job
    In May 2010, I left a job I loved. In September 2010, I left the job I replaced it with. Both totally scary.

  5. Climbed Masada at dawn
    This happened. And it was beautiful. And I didn't even have an asthma attack.

  6. Written my member of Congress
    I do this on the regular, & you should, too!

  7. Parasailed
    The closest I've ever felt to nature or God or my father or any of those spiritual things.

  8. Survived swine flu
    I didn't have quite the thrilling experience with it that Emily did, but I made it out alive!

  9. Won a spelling bee
    I was the top speller in a middle school bee - and came in second in the city bee when I choked on the word "stucko." Errr, "stucco."

  10. Been published
    A short memoir I wrote was included in an anthology called Living Jewishly: A Snapshot of a Generation, being published in Academic Studies Press' series, Jewish Identity in Post ModernSociety.

  11. Adopted a shelter animalI got a cat! Of my own! OK, he's Nathan's too, but I love him most.

  12. Given a eulogy
    I've given three, actually. I hope you've never given any.

  13. Been on reality TV
    Remember that time I was on "Top Chef" talking about root beer & meat?

  14. Had a psychic reading
    This has happened a few times, but the one that got to me the most was actually done for free at a college fair my senior year.

  15. Drank from an ice luge
    I went to Ohio University, rated America's No. 1 party school. Need I say more?

  16. Seen a bear
    Black bears often make nighttime dumpster appearances at the Pennsylvania hunting cabin where my uncles are members.

  17. Marched in a parade
    My fellow dance class participants wore poodle skirt costumes in the local Fourth of July parade - and my dad drove a golf cart designed to look like a car from Grease! Oh, & then there was 2009's Gay Pride Parade - the sweatiest day of my life.

  18. Attended an IndyCar race
    My dad was a big racing fan. As a kid, I met racing legends Mario & Michael Andretti - in their trailer! They signed a neon pink hat for me.

  19. Had acupuncture
    I saw an acupuncturist for a few months when I first moved to Portsmouth. A miracle worker, truly!

  20. Danced to "Thriller"
    My high school show choir (a la Glee, but not as good) competed to Michael Jackson's famous Halloween anthem. I was a mummy.

  21. Ridden a camel
    I squealed throughout the whole thing. CAMELS ARE DROOLY.

  22. Modeled in a bridal show
    My old place of employment, a community center, hosted one, & I was stuck modeling a weird Christmasy dress.

  23. Eaten a deep-fried Oreo
    Hey, I'm from the Midwest.

  24. Sang a solo
    I had a one-stanza solo in Fiddler on the Roof as a high school senior. I wish it had been a real role, but I found hard for that spotlight, no matter how brief.

  25. Been interviewed for TV news
    As a very young kid, I appeared on the nightly news talking about the opening of a new wooden park in town. It was basically a castle.

  26. Gotten a group tattoo
    I got a four-leaf clover tattoo with a bunch of college friends before my 19th birthday. We're no longer friends. I am a genius.  

  27. Swam in the Dead Sea
    Turns out you don't need to the mud in order to float, but it sure is fun.

  28. Hosted foreign exchange students
    As a freshman & sophomore in high school, my mom & I hosted a boy from Peru & a girl from Venezuela. My brother & sister!

  29. Shaved my head
    I told you about this one. As a result, I have also...

  30. Appeared on ESPN
    As a top pick of the week, and...

  31. Been in the Guinness book of records
    So cool. Somehow, I never obtained a copy of it, though.

  32. Gotten into a bar fight
    Not my finest moment. We can forget I ever mentioned it, OK?

  33. Geocached
    Nathan & I have found a couple of caches, & we've failed to find a couple others. I want more!

  34. Flown with celebrities
    I sat behind Mila Kunis this spring & once hit Rep. Dennis Kucinich in the head with my luggage.

  35. Attended a presidential inauguration
    Being present for the 2009 inauguration of President Barack Obama was one of the most exciting events of my life.

  36. Appeared on Casey Kasem
    At age 10, I wrote the famous radio DJ a heartfelt letter requesting that he dedicate Mariah Carey's "Hero" to my recently father on air. And he did.

  37. Stalked a band
    A friend & I rode our bikes to the Sheraton, where the Backstreet Boys were staying, so we could drop off our fanmail & potentially catch a peek.

  38. Performed at karaoke night
    My favorite song to sing is the Dixie Chicks' "Sin Wagon." Preferably with enough other people participating to drown me out.

  39. Thrown a party with beer in the bathtub
    This was a along-held goal of mine, accomplished during my college years when a friend hosted a hotel party for New Year's Eve.

  40. Won a coloring contest
    My little Jewish self received a $100 gift certificate to Michael's craft stores by winning an Easter coloring contest.

  41. Shot a living animal
    I killed a porcupine with a .22. And then I cried.

  42. Been dolphin-watching
    My mom & a friend & I did this in Hilton Head. Though I'm usually terrified of boats, it was worth the fear to see dolphins out in the wild.

  43. Pierced my nose
    Twice.

  44. Ridden in the Goodyear blimp
    I wish I could've appreciated this when it happened. I was about 8 & spent the whole time pouting.

  45. Given a commencement address
    I was one of two students to speak at my high school's graduation ceremony when a panel chose my submitted speech.

  46. Been to the White House
    My parents & I toured 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue during a '90s visit to DC. You may recall that a few years ago, I was not so lucky.

  47. Toured a Coast Guard ship
    My boyfriend has a pretty snazzy job.

  48. Been on the receiving end of a surprise party
    My mom threw me a surprise party at Pizza Hut before my 1996 back surgery. Pizza! Friends! Scoliosis!

  49. Attended a drag race
    At the District's Annual High Heel Drag Race, I had my photo taken with one of the Fanta, er, ladies!

  50. Attended the Radio Music Awards
    During my first trip to Vegas, my friend's mom secured us tickets to be seat-fillers at the RMAs. Snoop Dogg dressed as Santa? Why of course.
Inspired by Amy again

    Thursday, October 27, 2011

    Never Have I Ever

    My big "never have I ever" used to be, "Never have I ever eaten a hamburger." I really clung to that one, you guys. I'd also never had a steak or scallops or beets or plums or sushi or absinthe or coffee. And then? One by one, I tried them all - even if I didn't like them all. And finally, this June, I gave up the last bastion of my "never have I ever" gold: I ate a hamburger.


    How did I never blog this? I don't know, but there you have it, my first & only hamburger to date. A cheeseburger, actually, from Northeast Ohio's finest burger joint, Swenson's. It was good, but not good enough to turn me away from my standard grilled cheese order in the future.

    Still, there are a lot of things I haven't done. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to do them all, but I'd like to see a lot of them crossed off the list. Here are just a few of the things I can still count among my "never have I ever" go-tos.


    Never have I ever:
    1. Ridden in a hot air balloon
    2. Scuba dived or snorkeled
    3. Seen the Grand Canyon or Mount Rushmore
    4. Been someone's maid of honor
    5. Seen a full episode of "Friends"
    6. Been berry-picking
    7. Been fired or laid off from a job
    8. Done any sort of hard drug
    9. Been stung by a jellyfish
    10. Seen "Pretty Woman" or "The Matrix"
    11. Had a cast on a broken bone
    12. Been sky-diving
    13. Ridden on a motorcycle
    14. Flown first class
    15. Been on a blind date
    16. Completed a successful French braid
    17. Listened to "This American Life"
    18. Learned to play an instrument
    19. Drank a Monster or a Red Bull
    20. Traveled to the Deep South
    21. Been inside a mosque
    22. Read the "Lord of the Rings" series
    23. Been bumped from a flight
    24. Swam in the Pacific Ocean
    25. Wrecked a car
    26. Seen the Hollywood sign
    27. Traveled to Europe 
    28. Been skinny-dipping
    29. Learned to play poker or euchre
    30. Seen a moose
    31. Eaten lox & bagels
    32. Toured the White House
    33. Snowboarded
    34. Had braces on my teeth
    35. Gotten stitches 
    What about you? Got anything good?

    Inspired by Amy / Image source

    Monday, October 24, 2011

    Oktoberfest for Two

    Before I cracked my head open, before my mom visited, & before Nathan deployed again, we spent a lunch hour picking out pumpkins to display in front of our apartment window. I've read that there's a pumpkin shortage this year, but I think I know what the problem is: Portsmouth is hoarding them all.

    A Methodist church just down the road from us has dozens upon dozens of pumpkins for sale, all on display in the church's front yard - even overnight & on Sundays, when sales are closed. Can you believe that? In my hometown, these suckers would've been stolen or smashed within 24 hours, but not here. No, in provincial Portsmouth, church pumpkins are free to exist without fear of Halloween hooligans.

    It's too bad we showed up on a Monday because the deals really start rolling on Wednesday. (More on baked beans in a future post. Yes, really.)

    Naturally, I insisted upon taking a cheesy photo at a painted pumpkin clearly intended for small children. Please note how bizarrely midgety I look. I promise I have legs & a torso.

    Nathan chose his pumpkin on stem size alone. No, that's not a creepy euphemism for anything.

    After we paid, we asked the octogenarian church volunteer behind the counter to take a photo of us with our prized pumpkins. She had no idea how to use an iPhone, & it was sort of tough to teach her while I was holding a 10-lb. holiday squash, so this is what we ended up with. Not too shabby, lady, not too shabby at all.

    Of course, I have to work on Saturday, which means no Halloween for me - and yes, I was even invited to something! The lovely Alana of The Good Girl Gone Blog invited me to her spooky soiree in Somerville (say that five times fast), but I'm sans costume & sans availability, so I'll have to resort to spending my favorite holiday eating fun-sized Butterfingers throughout the work day & telling anyone who asks about my head wound that this is my lazy costuming attempt at going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.


    Sally photo

    [Your Name Here] for America

    It's not always a popular decision, but sometimes I blog about politics. I make no secret of my party affiliations: In the space next to "Political Views," my Facebook profile reads, "I'm blessed with one of those hearts that bleeds." Do I believe our president has done everything he promised to do? No. Do I believe he could be doing better? Probably. Do I wish he'd take a stronger presidential stance for the views he campaigned on? Absolutely. But do I think he has our country's best intentions at heart - and that he's the best man for the job? A thousand times yes.

    Driven by these beliefs, I met this morning with my local Obama for America organize. He's a 25-year-old recent grad who transitioned from acting to politics when he saw his father, a small-business owner, struggle in the flailing economy & a close friend default on his college loans for the same reasons. We spent 45 minutes swapping stories & talking about how I can get involved in the campaign to reelect our president - and I couldn't be more excited.

    As you might recall, I still don't have many friends in town. I've struggled to get involved, & I've mostly failed. But this is something I truly believe in & feel passionate about - and the social aspects will be a bonus. I look forward to connecting with like-minded New Hampshire residents who are driven to help, on a grassroots level, to get our neighbors & friends on board with this campaign.

    It's easy to become disillusioned & jaded by politics, to believe that your individual voice has no influence. After three years in D.C., I know this as well as anyone. But this is a real opportunity to spread the good word, if you will, of President Obama's vision for America & to encourage others to care about the future of our country - and ourselves.

    Have you looked into volunteering with Obama for America in your community? They'll take whatever time & effort you're able to spare. Whether it's a weekend spent door-knocking, a night spend phone banking, a letter written to the editor vocalizing your support, or all of the above, this campaign needs your help. Won't you join me?


    Image from BarackObama.com

    Friday, October 21, 2011

    Black-Eye Beautiful

    ...or not.

    This shiner has a life of its own.

    Yesterday it turned purple & took over my eyelid. Today it turned green & crept down around my nose & underneath my eye.


    MY FACE IS A GNARLY RAINBOW.

    Wednesday, October 19, 2011

    My Halloween Costume Just Sort of FELL Into Place

    [WARNING: There is a gory photo in this post. And lots of other photos, too.]

    People are forever telling me what good eyebrows I have. Personally, I think they're a bit pointy (they grow that way, they aren't tweezed that way), but, you know, I like compliments, & I'd say they're my most complimented feature. Here they are in all their glory in my admittedly cheesy work headshot:

    Or at least that's what they used to look like. This week, disaster struck when, while getting out of the shower, I fell in such a way that I slammed my head into the porcelain toilet paper holder. Yes, I know, who does that? I do. I did. And I immediately sunk back into the tub, naked & bloody, to scream & hyperventilate. My first thought when my head made contact with the holder was, "STITCHES!" & it quickly became clear that I was going to need them.

    Nathan, staying totally cool & calm, found me a towel with which to apply pressure & mop up the blood, then gathered (yesterday's) clothes for me to wear to the ER. All the while, I moaned repetitions of, "Oh, God. OHHHHHH!" in a very helpful manner. I even contemplated drying my hair before we left, but I settled on wearing a necklace instead, because by golly, if I'm going to head into the ER looking like a zombie, I'd like to feel like a lady while I do it.

    The carnage (warning: it's carnage-y) looked like this:

    That, ladies & gentleman, is a make-up free me with a formerly beautiful left eyebrow that is cut in half - like, it's in two totally different places on my face. Though you can't tell from the photo, I actually hit my head so hard that I split it down to the skull bone. When John Smith (yes, really), the physician's assistant who worked on me, pulled apart the wound to check, I think my squeamish boyfriend almost passed out at the sight. Upon my request, John was also quite enthusiastic about letting Nate take photos during the stitching process, which the blogger in me greatly appreciated.

    Obviously, my biggest fear was that my face would be permanently disfigured, a la Scar from The Lion King, when my wound finally healed. Though he offered me the opportunity to go with a plastic surgeon instead, John assured me that he was an expert in not effing up facial stitching, I entrusted him with the future of my face. He was knowledgeable & kind, walking me through every step of the process - including the injection of a lot of novocaine. When all was said & done & he was finished completing my facial masterpiece, my face-saving hero was kind enough to pose for a photo with me for the blog. THANK YOU, JOHN SMITH!

    He didn't love my response when I first saw his handiwork, which was, "Oh my God, I look disgusting!" but let's be real: I look way less disgusting with stitches than I did with an open head wound:

    And that initially droopy eye disappeared pretty quickly, except for when I woke up this morning with a gnarly shiner. Haven't had one of these since I was a kid at summer camp who got smacked in the face with a canoe oar!

    For those who want it spelled out for them, here's a timeline of my face. I'm not smiling in most of them because it hurt to move my facial muscles:
     
    Overall, I'm feeling really fortunate that I didn't hurt myself any worse than I did. I'm in a ton of pain, but I'm thankful for the Vicodin John Smith prescribed me & for the fact that I work from home, which means I can space out a little bit midday when the aforementioned Vicodin begins to do its job. I'm hopeful that when the stitches come out on Monday, I won't, in fact, look like a female version of Frankenstein's monster.

    Until then, I'm a walking Halloween costume. What to be, what to be? So many scarred options!
     
    Photos: Bond villain, Azazel, Harry Potter, Scar, Scarface, Frankenstein, Zombie

    Friday, October 14, 2011

    Learn to Speak like an Akronite

    People tease me about my accent on a regular basis. Though I like to think I've done a pretty good job of suppressing most of it, my "Akron A" occasionally still slips out. Its worse when m at home, surrounded by my Buckeye brethren, & when I've had a bit too much to drink.

    So what's an Akron A? This regional accent comes out to play in words like "class" (pronounced more like "clay-us"), mom ("mahm") & happy (a fast "HAY-ap-ee"). It means I say the words "crackpot" & "crockpot" similarly - and that I had a really hard time in college, when I lived in Athens ("AYuh-thins") & my closest friends were named Abbey & Alison (you get it, right?).

    Accent aside, there are also few terms I use that my friends from outside Northeast Ohio are unfamiliar with. This means I'm also usually unfamiliar with the terms they use for them, often resulting in conversational confusion. I did the dialect video meme awhile back, but here are a few other dialect differences I've recognized since moving away from my home state:

    • Calling hours
      I guess other people call this a "wake," which I always thought was a religiously based service, or something; it's not a word I've ever used in this way. Calling hours are the designated period of time, usually the night before a funeral, when friends & family can visit the funeral home to pay their respects to relatives of the deceased. There are usually two rounds, with an hour or so break in between for the family to take a breather.

    • Party center
      I don't know what other people call these, but party centers are businesses solely dedicated to having, well, parties. You rent out the buildings for weddings or proms or bar mitzvahs, & they have seating areas, dance floors, coat rooms, etc. Sometimes they cater, sometimes they don't. More often than not, they boast gaudy, '70s decor.

    • Devil strip
      Apparently this term is ONLY used in & around my hometown. My mom, a native of southwest Ohio, learned it when she moved here in college; I never knew there was any other term for it, but apparently others call it a "tree lawn"or else don't have a name for it at all. It's the strip of grass on the other side of the sidewalk in front of your home, usually owned by the city rather than the homeowner. It's called the "devil strip" because it's a devil to maintain - annoying to cross over with the lawnmower, I guess?
    Are you familiar with any of these terms? What do you call them? Is there anything you say that others don't understand?

    Thursday, October 13, 2011

    Chili Festival: Disappointments & Tummyaches Abound

    Nate has been talking about the Prescott Park Chili Cook-Off for... well, since we began dating in July 2010. In 2009, he attended this event with friends, but we didn't make it last year when I was in town for a visit. This year, as chili fest weekend loomed nearer, he spread the word far & wide (OK, at work), & we prepared to gorge ourselves with the area's finest chili concoctions.

    Accompanied by a friend, we rolled up to Portsmouth's Prescott Park around 2:00pm. Here's where I should note that the event website listed the chili festival as lasting from 10am until 5pm - meaning we had plenty of time to stuff ourselves with chili & beer.

    Bursting with excitement & hunger, we paid the $15 cover, put down our $1 deposit on a spoon, bought eight drink tickets between us, & headed into the great unknown. Redhook Pilsner & chili spoon in hand, I was prepared:

    But... tragedy struck. When we reached the chili arena (I made that term up), we found that local booths were already closing up shop. At stand after stand, we were told the chili was gone & no refills were coming! Only four booths of about 15 had chili left, so we hurriedly sampled the goods from the only local businesses still in the game: Mojo's BBQ Shack, Flatbread Company, Dos Amigos Burritos and TBT Subs. As the Flatbread chef was doling out scoops of their tasty vegetarian chili, the announcer's voice filled the park: "And now, it's time to announce our winners!" A single bowl of chili into the day, & we'd already missed the whole thing. We didn't get to vote, & we hardly got to eat!

    OK, the truth is this: After four bowls of chili, I was beyond stuffed. But was it a leisurely experience? Did I get to choose from the chili I thought sounded tastiest? Was it an event worth $15 at the door without being told that it was basically over when we got there? A resounding "no" all around.

    As the event came to a close, we raced to make use of our beer tickets:

    And then went home to nap/disgest/gurgle. Overall? A bust. A delicious bust, but a hasty, disappointing bust nonetheless.

    Hey, at least there were alpacas.

    And they were for sale! That sure would show my neighbor with the really loud dog who's boss, huh? Take that, people in apartment #5!

    Monday, October 10, 2011

    Keep the Quirks Comin'

    If you haven't noticed by now, I'm mildly obsessed with regional differences - in dialect, in food, in thought. I've already written about the abomination that is the Boston Left, the penchant for vanity plates, & the Oh, God, that accent.

    I've already done a round-up of New Hampshire oddities, but guess what? I found more.
    1. I spent awhile looking at the menu of the Friendly Toast wondering what the hell a "regular frappe" was & asking aloud if they sold milkshakes. Apparently, frappes (pronounced "fraps") are milkshakes. If you order it as a milkshake, they ask you if you want ice cream in it. Wait, what? That's because a "milkshake" here is just flavored milk. Yes, really.

    2. There is no normal bowling here. Instead, there's candlepin bowling, which is, as far as I can tell, the miniature golf of bowling. Stick-straight pins (called "wood" - ha), smaller balls & weird scoring. Regular bowling, which cannot be found here, is commonly referred to as "big-ball bowling." Candlepin bowling is only found in Canada, Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts... & one location in Wyoming, OH, which no one has ever heard of, so it doesn't count.

    3. Hot dogs buns are different. I know, you're like, "Who notices this?" but hey, I do. Hot dog buns here aren't your typical doughy potato rolls. Apparently, what they have here are called "top-loading buns," which amount to a folded-up piece of white bread that doesn't hold up well against condiments. I don't like condiments, but that's not the point.
    In short, I continue to discover that New England is a foreign land. Never fear: I shall report additional oddities as they are discovered.

    Images: Bun , milkshake, bowling

    Sunday, October 9, 2011

    Gamechangers, Part the Third

    It's been awhile since I've told you about the things I'm currently digging. And by "awhile," I mean "December 2010." Yeah, I'm not great at regular features, it seems.

    So. Shall we?

    "7th Heaven"
    You may recall that I bought the first season on discount a couple months back. Since then, the Camdens have become my coworkers. It's not exactly a show with a riveting plot, so I put it on during the day & just let it roll. Love, death, money, sex, abuse, women's rights, alcoholism - this show covers every topic humanly imaginable. And the kids who play twins Sam & David are possibly the worst actors known to SAG. Cameos include Ashley Tisdale, Mila Kunis, Brenda Song & '90s heartthrob Andrew Keegan. 

    Apple Wireless Keyboard
    This was a birthday gift from Nathan that I wondered whether I'd ever use. As soon as I figured out how to set it up (thanks to my cousin Peter for showing me by pressing the "on" button...), I was hooked. Or perhaps I should say unhooked because, you know, this thing is wireless. And amazing. And makes my iPad into a real computer, only cuter & more portable. Vital, obviously.


    Dystopian YA Fiction
    A long time ago, I decided not to be embarrassed by the fact that I prefer YA novels to adult ones. I hope to someday be a YA author, & I consider it inspiration/education. Over the last year, like so many other readers, I've found myself obsessed with books set in dystopian futures - the Uglies series, the Hunger Games series, the Chemical Garden series. I can't stop! The last two I read, "Wither" & "Divergent," were so good that I'm now left with a gaping void in my life & soul because nothing measures up. I've got a fever & the only solution is more dystopian YA fiction!

    Wontons with peanut butter sauce
    I have to stop going to my local Chinese restaurant because they now KNOW me. The kind, soft-voiced woman who answers the phones calls me "my dear" & sends free cookies in my delivery orders & recently commented on how much I love my wontons. In other words, I have to wait at least a week before I return. I want my wontons, damn it!

    Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion
    Dudes, you can tune out now. But as many of you ladies probably know, keeping your eyeshadow on can be a bit of a sticky wicket. I, for one, have terrible creasing problems; it's possible that my eyelids are 90% oil. This primer, purchased at a Las Vegas Sephora on a sweaty whim, has solved all my problems. Now, onto world hunger...

    Photos: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

    Saturday, October 8, 2011

    A Passion for Bad Fashion

    Let's begin with a perpetual "don't" - the Kentucky Tuxedo! Ain't she a beaut?


    It's not every day you see a cowgirl in New Hampshire!I'm on accessories overload.

    I love this guy. Reversible thrift store T-shirt with Charlie-Brown-on-acid pattern. F-A-S-T knuckle tattoos - and a brass knuckles tattoo, to boot. Fringed jorts. "HOT" sticker. So much to see here.

    Leopard print can be lovely. But there is such a thing as too much, & this is it - on a clothing store employee, no less!

    I FOUND SNOOKI! In a bar in New Hampshire!

    Must be a parade day on the streets of Boston. Or, you know, Casual Friday. Either way... feathers!

    I can't decide if this middle-aged couple's matching bucket hats are cute or totally wackadoo. What is this, Portland?

    And my crowning jewel. No words are needed.
     

    RIP, gay Muppet slain in the making of those boots.
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