I know this is, like, the Healthiest Thing Ever & a great substitute for meat, especially for people like me who are allergic to mushrooms, but I'm just not buying it. The taste of eggplant makes me want to make the face Buddy the Elf makes when he ingests Passion Fruit Spray at the mall.
As far as I can tell, the network is full of verbose mommybloggers & really restrictive ad network policies, & the website makes me feel like I'm having a seizure because I can't figure out where to look or what to pay attention to. Aside from sweet swag (I like sweet swag), remind me again why this is a conference I should want to attend?
- High heels
I just... can't. I wore two different pairs of heels to the Chicago wedding weekend I attended last month, & I almost broke both ankles. I look better in flats, I walk better in flats, I don't fear for my life while wearing flats. I should probably stick to flats.
- Mixed drinks & fancy cocktails
And people who care that I prefer cheap beer. Why do you care what I'm drinking? I don't care what you're drinking.
I blog, tweet, Facebook &, you know, have a job. Why would I willingly sign up for another time-suck? Now excuse me while I return to blogging, tweeting & Facebooking for the next hour or seven.
- "Gypsy crowns," or whatever their official name is*
Necklaces are for your neck, not your noggin.
- Having blog sponsors
Unless your blog is, like, an empire of some sort, or a business in itself, the idea of sponsors strikes me as a bit vain. I'd love to monetize my blog somehow, too, but asking other struggling bloggers to put $30 in my PayPal account doesn't exactly strike me as the best way.
- "Modern Family"
Not funny. No, seriously. Not funny. "Seinfeld"? Funny. "How I Met Your Mother"? Funny. "30 Rock"? Funny. "Modern Family"? Not funny.
This falls under the category of never, no thank you, do not want in my whole entire life. You would not believe how judgy people get about my dislike of America's favorite condiment. Hey, y'know what? I don't like mustard, either! Or salad dressing! So there!
For the record, I still don't like anything on this list. Except sushi. But still not the kind with fish. I have standards.
*The original version of this post caused a big controversy. Be careful what you link to, even if you don't think you're being mean AT ALL. Lesson learned.