"This is me, yo, right here."

A week from today, I will turn 27. How do I feel about this? I haven't yet decided. This looming age puts me decidedly out of my mid-20s and smack into my late 20s, that dreaded pathway to 30. They're just numbers, no big deal. But they taunt me just the same.

By almost-27, I know a lot about myself, but there is so much more to learn. So who am I, at this moment?

Well, let me tell you.

I have seen Jimmy Eat World in concert three times and have cried at all three. I have only mastered the art of cooking pasta. I always cheat at Monopoly and miniature golf, but I always admit to it. I don't wear bracelets because I can't bear the way they feel clanging against my wrists when I type. I own a .22 but have never shot anything other than a porcupine. I have three tattoos, all of which currently look like I had them inked in prison.I am still bitter that the Washington Post didn't choose me to be a participant in Date Lab, despite my really funny answers to their questionnaire.

I had my first kiss during "Forrest Gump" while wearing a sweater vest (me, not him). I once said "thank you" when an old boyfriend told me he loved me. I fear commitment, perhaps because I am perpetually convinced that everyone will, sooner or later, leave. I'm in love with my cousin's childhood best friend. I tell my cat I love him more than I tell any human being the same. I sometimes wear a fake engagement ring so weirdos don't hit on me. I went to three proms & five homecomings. I pride myself on being friends with almost all of my exes.

I don't do laundry nearly as often as is respectable. Until this year, I had never eaten a hamburger or a plum. I wore a back brace when I was 11 and shaved my head when I was 22. I have twice been in bar arguments that ended with my being ejected from the establishments in which they took place. I have given three eulogies - one for my father, one for my grandfather, one for my ex-boyfriend. I drink two Diet Cokes a day for caffeine because I don't like the taste of coffee. I take medication for anxiety & stomach problems. I dream of being "discovered" on this blog & asked to write a book.

I almost never return materials to the library on time. I almost always order grande skim dirty Chais after a DC barista got me hooked on them. I am hypermobile and also probably a hypochondriac. I do not wear shorts or anything strapless. I will always choose Miller Lite over craft beers or cocktails. I never wore braces on my teeth, but I sleep with a mouthguard to keep myself from grinding them. I send more snail mail letter than anyone I know. I have a bad temper that I work hard to keep under control. I don't identify as religious, but I do feel connected to the spiritual & cultural aspects of Judaism.

I used to perform in high school musicals & showchoir competitions & served as secretary of Student Council. I went to two colleges & somehow graduated with only one close friend between the two of them. I decided I wanted to be a journalist on September 11, 2001, but 11 years later, my journalism degree gathers dust while I do congregational work for a Jewish nonprofit. I met my best friends at my first post-collegiate job & still spend an embarrassing amount of time missing my life with them. I prefer my hometown's towniest bar over any bar fancier, cleaner or less full of people I went to high school with. I try to wear "nice" clothes daily, even though I work from home & rarely converse with anyone who isn't a barista or my boyfriend. I often don't shower until lunchtime.

I do not have a savings account, & I am not yet particularly fiscally responsible. I want to be a vegetarian but can't bring myself to stop eating chicken or bacon or start eating vegetables. I am a size 14 & still have acne. I aspire to be an author but have never written anything of publishable substance. I hate exercising more than I hate anything else else in the world. I sometimes worry that I have bad taste in fashion. I have blog insecurities because I don't participate in memes or have a white-space theme. I am terrified of spiders, velvet, cancer & divorce.

I have stopped pirating music and now pay for everything on iTunes. I bought an iPad that I have no idea what to do with. I watch too much TV, including ABC Family atrocities like "Pretty Little Liars" & "Switched at Birth." I hit the snooze button for approximately two hours before getting out of bed. I read books on my Kindle app in the bathroom. I sometimes use the Cheats With Words With Friends app when I'm really stuck in a Words With Friends game. I do not particularly like babies or animals. I might move to Israel if I could bear to be so far away from my family & friends. I still think "Dawson's Creek" holds advice to all of life's problems, big & small; "Friday Night Lights," too.

So there you have it. For now. Bring it on, 27. Let's add to the list.


*A million bonus points if you know the title reference & are not my boyfriend.
**Sorry, babe.