Monday, January 3, 2011

Top 10 Lies "Newsies" Told Me

I was 8 years old when "Newsies" came out, & though I never saw it in theatres (apparently no one did, as it's Disney's highest-costing, lowest-grossing film on record), I watched it religiously every time it came on TV. My dad hit the record button a few minutes late one day, so I spent years clueless about the prologue & the first two scenes.

But I know every single word. I even know words you can't hear, like the line "Jackie just got laid" in the background of a scene where the newsies are buying papes, & I know there's an extra verse to "Carryin' the Banner" that appears on the soundtrack but not in the film. I know that the actor who spun off the ceiling fan at the end of "King of New York" died of AIDS & that the actor who played Les went on to do softcore porn. Also, I think "Newsies" inspired me to become a journalist (which obviously worked out very well for me).


Admittedly, though, "Newsies" didn't teach me the greatest of life lessons. Had I taken too much of this movie to heart, I would believe all of the following:

  1. Ceiling fans will support your body weight.
  2. When engaging in activism to bring about social justice, you've only succeeded when a marching band takes to the streets for your cause & the president-elect gives you a ride to the bus stop.
  3. Your parents will approve of your dating a homeless criminal so long as his illegal shenanigans benefit your family in a time of financial hardship.
  4. Homelessness can be fun! Wheee, dancing!
  5. Even though you ain't got hats or badges, you're a union just by sayin' so.
  6. If you escape from juvy & use brass knuckles on bullies, not only will you not get in trouble, you may find yourself becoming close, personal friends with a president-to-be.
  7. It's OK to steal a horse as long as it's for the purpose of a dramatic dance interlude.
  8. Trust guys who say they've got a hot tip on a horse that won't waste your money. Even if they wasted your money last time. And the time before that.
  9. Slingshots are a legitimate weapon.
  10. Journalism is a reputable career choice.

In fairness, though, "Newsies" also taught me a few legitimate lessons. For example: For a dreamer, night's the only time of day. And all the coolest kids live in Brooklyn.

17 comments:

Lacey Bean said...

I heart this post. <3 NEWSIES

Melissa said...

Ahaha, this was fantastic! Thank you.

@stevenadamswv said...

Wasn't Christian Bale in this?

AW said...

"Never fear, Brooklyn's here!"

Great post. Love that movie.

Having gone through the rankings of the newspaper world though, I can tell you no one appreciates it when you call them "papes" in real life. Lesson learned the hard way.

Sandy a la Mode said...

puhahaha hilarious post sweetie!! i am totally afraid of ceiling fans.. b/c one time when we got home from work, our ceiling fan was all over the house.. it spun out of control and broke!! luckily we weren't home at the time!!

Sara Rae said...

I LOVE this. ...and Newsies.

kylaroma said...

Confession: I've never seen newsies!
Am I banned from you blog? :)

Alicewonderland0 said...

i've.. er.. never seen Newsies either. of course, i didn't see MOST of the childhood standards growing up - goonies, for example! - but i've caught up on a lot of them. i'll put this on the list too :P

Sarah Labadie said...

Any idea whether Santa Fe really is the coolest place in the world? Because I still kind of want to move there.

Becky said...

I almost peed my pants laughing at this. Excellent!

Brooke Ann said...

Brilliant! God Bless Newsies! I wore suspenders because of this movie.

christinaanne said...

It takes a smile as sweet as buttah... ohhh how this made my day!

Polly Kyle said...

"wheee dancing"

Fantastic! haha!!

Brittney said...

OH. MY. GOD.

I thought I was the only one on the planet who would randomly be like, "Saaaanta Fe, ARE you there? Do you swear you won't forget me?" in the shower... or randomly pop on an accent and think, "That's my cig-ah (you'll steal anuddah)".

I love you.

Allison said...

where I first fell in love with Christian Bale

Amanda said...

Best post ever.

Brittney said...

LOLJGKLDLF.

You're the ultimate best.

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