My SOS went out via Twitter:
I then proceeded to fall asleep for three hours; when I awoke, I found myself inundated with helpful responses. (Thanks, Twitter!) As a result, I purchased Sinex, Zicam & the grand centerpiece, a NeilMed NetiPot.
If you've never used a NetiPot, here's the deal. It's a small plastic teapot that costs an arm & a leg. You fill it with hot water & saline, & then you pour it into your face. Seriously. Pour it into one nostril, & it comes out the other, along the way cleaning out your sinuses like you're some kind of freaking human fountain. Build on that craziness by adding a few kickers: For example, the instructions warn sinus sufferers like me not to use boiling water for fear of scalding the nasal cavity, which sounds like a fate far worse than a sinus infection. And it instructs you to breathe while you do it, but breathing borders on impossible when you're snorting saltwater. How do drug addicts multi-task?! Color me impressed.
It goes against my better judgment to show you the following video. For one, I'm makeup-less & ponytailed, which is not a look you'll ever see me sporting publicly. But I was sick, & everyone knows that sick days are ugly days. And in this case, funny days. This video is too good not to share:
It was an absolutely heinous experience, as you can see, & it took me about four tries to get it right. Of course, even when done correctly, it tasted like wiping out in the ocean - like when you're a kid on a boogie board chillin' in the Atlantic, & a wave crashes over you & you biff into a sandbar & come up choking on enough salt to melt a polar icecap.
Except I think it cleared out my sinuses. So I'm still doin' it.