Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I Think I'm Broken


I initially titled this post "Things Other People Like That I Do Not." I just wanted to tell you about a few things I don't dig, despite their abounding popularity. But as I wrote it out, I noticed a theme. Can you spot it? 

  1. Sushi: Raw fish? Just no. No, no, no. I don't even like cooked fish; why would I want it uncooked? On the few occasions that I have attempted to eat sushi, I have always had the distinct sensation that a sea creature is actually dying inside my mouth as I chew.

  2. Pink
    1. The color: I hate the color pink, unless it's of the '80s-style neon variety. I do not do Victoria's Secret or pale pink nail polish. (See #3.) This hue, the official color of girliness & sickeningly sweet old-fashioned feminity, makes my skin crawl. I do not wear pink. I simply do not do pink.

    2. The musical artist: Upon second thought, I'm not sure whether other people actually like Pink. My mom & my former boss do, but they may not count, by virtue of their titles. Still. How does this grown woman get away with making music - Top 40 music, no less - that contains the most awful, nonsensical lyrics ever written? Case in point: "Party Crasher, panty snatcher, call me up if you want gangsta. Don't be fancy, just get dancey." This is nothing.

  3. Nail polish: I haven't painted my nails in approximately five years, save some short-lived gold glitter polish for Halloween. Nail polish makes me feel like my hands are suffocating, which makes me feel like they're about to fall off, which makes me nervous. This is not a sensation I enjoy recreating.

  4. Children: OK, OK. I don't dislike kids. But I don't know what to do with them! When I'm around a kid - which isn't often because I don't know any kids - I clam up like I'm a nervous 9-year-old myself again. Also, I refuse to speak in wittle baby voices, so kids often seem confused by me. I don't like pretending; I don't do Barbies or house or lawn sports. And I just don't know what kids want from me. It all feels very suspicious.

  5. "Sex & the City": Perhaps this goes along with nail polish & the color pink. And children, come to think of it. Perhaps my woman parts are broken. But listen, I just can't bring myself to relate to or care about four high-pitched, whorish women who obsess over ugly men & designer shoes & ugly men. I don't even like high heels. And... oh, shoot, my woman parts are broken, aren't they?

Also on this list, though not a threat to my womanhood: pickles, Tumblr, "Mad Men," Beyonce, yellow cars, coffee.

19 comments:

Jaclyn Y said...

What's the theme? Girly stuff? I'd say sushi isn't girly? And add me to the list of people who like Pink, the musician. She's not a favorite or anything, but I find her voice amazing. If I may pass this on -- it's my fav song of hers. If all of her stuff was like this (bluesy, raspy, sexy), my interest in her would be waaay higher: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD7QCHrGATQ

justatitch said...

I actually love all of these things, save for Pink, the musical artist. "Get dancey" is maybe the most ridiculous thing ever. And that glitter in the air business is ridiculous. Haaaaate.

San said...

Haha, love that list! Even though I DO like some of the things that you listed (SATC, coffee (somewhat) and sushi (it's an acquired taste!)), I also agree on some of the things that I completely don't get:

Pink (the singer)?
Nail polish (although I try sometimes)?
Mad Men?

I could list a few more :)

Kyle said...

OK so I actually like everything on this list, especially Beyonce. Maybe I need to give you my woman parts.

Chaviva E. said...

I, too, loathe pink. The color. I just bought a pink shirt, and I only own one other (which I thought was red when I was buying it, actually). But that's it. Did Hadassah read this? She's obsessively pink!

Emily Goodstein said...

i love you and judgment. well done.

suki said...

We can't be friends. Just kidding! As I always like to say when people don't like foods that I do, MORE FOR ME! :)

ohhitsjustmeg said...

Pink? Really. Have you never heard "Dear Mr. President"?

@stevenadamswv said...

Can I marry you?

shoegal101 said...

I used to hate #1, until I moved out of Ohio and tried the Philly roll. Somehow, the cream cheese masks the taste of salmon.

yeahhonestly said...

Finally someone else who does not get Pink AT. ALL. Her music I'd questionable in my opinion. Also, nail polish. I don't own any at all. Some with any other sort of fancy make up.

More things I don't get: fancy purses, giveaways on blogs, Harry Potter (sorry, I just never cared)...

Stephany said...

The way you described nail polish on your fingers is probably the best description I've ever heard. It is SO TRUE and exactly why I don't put any on my fingernails. They do feel like they're suffocating!

I also don't like sushi and haven't seen one episode of SATC.

Can I add Glee to my list? I just don't get that show and I guess I'm staging a revolt on how popular it is. Give me Modern Family any day! ;)

Hadassah Sabo Milner said...

well, I share my house with my 4 sons and my husband - there is an excess of testosterone here, i need to compensate with pinkitude... ;)

Staschwa said...

Finally someone else who doesn't like Beyonce! While I enjoy Destiny's Child, I cannot stand her as a solo artist.

CAPow! said...

I feel the exact same way around kids! so awkward!

gem said...

Yellow cars is very specific, haha. And living in Taxi Town NYC, I have grown to looove yellow cars. Seeing them with the proper lights on meaning that they'll take me to my destination... yum! (Or a more proper exclamation.)

Sorry about your woman parts though. :(

Holly said...

Bahahah I am not a fan of sushi either. Or Chinese food. Or Indian food. Blah. Gross. & I can't stand top 40 music or Pink or Beyonce & stuff like that. I don't understand the big deal about coffee! haha I do not like the taste. Unless I get something from Starbucks that is loaded with flavour shots so I can't taste any coffee.. ahaha.

terra said...

I don't eat fish but like sushi - of the veggie sort. It's really just avocado or cucumber wrapped up with some rice and I can't get enough of it.

I also don't like coffee, "Mad Men," nail polish or children. Children are scary. And they slobber a lot and that just freaks me out.

RebL said...

I cannot believe you said you don't like Beyonce.

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