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My party was Jell-Oless but equally delicious, in part because our Legislative Director purchased an entire case of Hugs, the sugar "juice" in a plastic barrel that reminds me of childhood, for a mere $3.00. When she told me she experienced a new level of embarrassment while doing so because she was sure other shoppers were staring at her in disgust, I theorized, "It's because they think you're going to go home & feed all that sugar to your children. You felt like a bad mother, & you don't even have kids," which I thought felt very deep & also very funny, but you can be the judge. One of my friends made "We'll Miss You, Kate" cupcakes but luckily didn't forget the eggs, which she & I did once while baking brownies for an office birthday:
And then we made a group effort to pop a handful of popcorn kernels using the combined power of our cell phones after a few coworkers happened upon YouTube videos claiming it was doable.
In case you're curious, it did not, in fact, work, which is probably for the best, as I don't want to put next to my brain anything that has the power to make things explode. (PS: It's an urban legend, debunked using exactly this logic.)
There was Kate Trivia, for which my coworkers past & present were divided into five teams & given a two-sided sheet of questions about my life. Questions included doozies like identifying my favorite condiment, naming the concert that changed my life, & correctly spelling my full name (first & middle included), plus a special section titled "Allergy or Dislike?" The game even featured a Phone-A-Friend option, for which an old coworker was on standby to answer stumpers.
My direct supervisor wore a white suit (not out of the ordinary) & gave a touching & unexpected speech in which he referred to me as his "work spouse," a title I'll happily claim.
And there was a musical performance, as there so often are in our office. Our LD really topped herself by adapting the lyrics to "King of New York" from my favorite flick, Newsies, to include references to my penchant for Thai food, my delicate stomach, my Twitter obsession & more.
I videotaped it, but unfortunately can't post it here because I realized that in the footage, you can see the lyrics sheet in my hand, my full name emblazoned across the top. And because I don't want any of you stalking me down Michael David Barrett-style, I'll sadly forfeit sharing the gem of a performance they put on. Just know that it was glorious, & that I laughed so hard I cried. Or maybe I actually cried.
Did I mention that there was also a homemade collage card & a homemade cheesecake? Yeah, this office is full of crafty, musical, domestic folks.
At the end of the party, we'd consumed just enough cupcakes to spell out a new message that would make Barney Stinson quite proud, even if we had to fudge it a little bit, & even if that P is actually a sideways heart.
T-minus two days until the end.
New job, here I come.
