Friday, October 23, 2009

Hey, Girl, You Like '90s Sitcoms?

I wasn't going to leave my house today, but being sick is boring. Like, really boring. I love me some "Wife Swap" & "Law & Order: SVU," but a girl can only take so many reruns, yanno? Also, I slept for about 16 hours yesterday, & then for a measly three last night, so my steady diet rotation of Dayquil & Nyquil is clearly effing with my internal clock a bit.

So I decide to head to work, albeit late. Circa 11 a.m., I grab a chai latte & hop a bus, & there begins the high/low point of my day. As soon as I sit down, a guy a few rows back moves to accompany me. The scene unfolds as follows:

"Hey, girl, you fine," he drawls. I ignore.
"What's your name?" he asks. I ignore.
"Where you headed?" he wonders. And I - you got it - continue to ignore.

Trying a new tactic, he goes for flirting gold: "You look like the daughter from 'Roseanne,' girl. Can I get your number?"

Oh, for crying out loud. This is the first time I've left my house in more than 48 hours. I'm wearing plastic glasses & no makeup & my hair is tangled like I just got out of a coma. I've got two teabags & an entire honey bear stashed in my purse, not to mention all those throat lozenges rattling around like I'm packing maracas. Yet some dude in a pinstripe suit still has the nerve to try to hit on me by telling me that I look like '90s high school dropout Darlene Conner?!


Mmm hmmm. This is my "Aw sheist, I DO look like Roseanne's daughter today" face. At least I left my flannel at home this fine Friday.

On a positive note, it appears that "I think I have swine flu" is a surefire way to lose the attentions of unwanted suitors.
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