Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ain't No Trip to Ohio: A Play-By-Play

I went to Ohio for Memorial Day Weekend. As you may/should know, I LOVE OHIO. I'm Buckeye State born & bred, having attended three Ohio public schools & two of Ohio's state colleges. Others may mock it, reminding me that Ohio is often named the place where never-to-be-heard-from-again TV & film characters move (see: "Friends," "Tommy Boy," & a myriad of others). But this weekend, I traveled back to my beloved home state with a coworker, her younger brother & his friend. They were bound for an Ultimate Frisbee tournament (?!) & I figured I'd stay with my aunts & visit some old friends, though some of those plans worked out better than others. Since I was away from a computer & thus unable to blog, I tweeted my entire visit. If you follow me on Twitter, feel free to ignore this tweet-by-tweet summary; if you don't, enjoy!

PS: Upon re-reading these tweets, it basically appears as though I despised my trip to Ohio. Perhaps I need to work on my emotional tweeting. It's sort of like emotional eating, but more publicly shameful.

6:19 PM: Buckeye-bound! Columbus, ho!
6:19 PM: Dashboard Confessional flashbacks on this roadtrip. The 18-year-olds are asleep in the back seat & we got all kinds of time to rock.
7:00 PM: Live-tweeting my roadtrip to Ohio. Tune in for farmhouses, hills, fast food restaurants & bathroom breaks.
7:34 PM: Certainly almost just died. Ironic that the car that almost nailed us has a license plate that reads "KEEPHOPE."
7:53 PM: "Welcome to West Virginia: Wild and Wonderful!"
8:21 PM: Playing some pretty bad trivia. Not a radio station to be found for miles.
8:48 PM: Riding a motorcycle does not give you permission to wear a lace-up leather vest.
8:53 PM: Proof that there is a God & (S)He loves us: We just discovered a Hanson "Middle of Nowhere" tape. Hear that? A TAPE! Thanks, universe.
9:13 PM: Why do I still remember every single lyric to songs I haven't heard since 1997?
9:14 PM: How did we end up in WVa. again???
9:34 PM: BDubs! Eat 'n' Park! Applebee's! Guess where? O-H..!
9:41 PM: Come on, guys. O-H! Anyone...?
10:00 PM: I'm about to be a Columbus nomad. Got zero plans.
10:16 PM Daniel ordered four sandwiches at Wendy's - 3 & a half hours ago. and is eating the last of them now. The car reeks of meat (& botchulism).
11:26 PM: Wrong turn. Driving fairly aimlessly around Columbus. Welcome to the Buckeye State.
11:55 PM: Too tired to be awake & hanging out with the Washington University Women's Ultimate Frisbee team (which I don't know any players on...)
12:27 AM: Ghettoest bar ever. At OSU. Smells like pee. Playing "Brass Monkey." $1 cover - why bother???
12:46 AM: We're greasy & have been in the car for 8 hours. I'm wearing a 1994 tee-ball t-shirt. Do not hit on me, weirdo.
1:53 AM: After the creeper came two legitimately cute guys, one a Jew. Who is clearly interested, despite my unattractiveness tonight. Curious...
2:06 AM: Dear cute boy: Please email me like you said you would?
9:55 AM: I do not feel rested in any sense of the word. Thanks, fold-out couch & really loud dog.
10:09 AM: I wish my family weren't so painfully unlike me.
11:55 AM: Dear Ohio: Thanks for having Quaker Steak & Lube. I wish I were going there instead of the freaking Cheesecake Factory for lunch right now.
12:48 PM: Epic breakfast burrito:

1:02 PM: I hate everything.
3:05 PM: This weather makes me tired enough to fall asleep in my mom's car.
3:26 PM: It was so warm inside Old Navy that I can now do nothing but sit on the couch & pant & be thankful that I found two new pairs of jeans.
5:31 PM: I suspect that this afternoon's epic breakfast burrito is the culprit behind this evening's intestinal mutiny. Tums, anyone? Ow.
7:16 PM: At an Ultimate Frisbee tournament. So uninterested but attempting not to be a douchebag. Mostly just jealous I don't/can't play any sports.

8:37 PM: When my lease runs out (a year from Tuesday), I'm moving to Columbus. Count on it.
8:50 PM: I remembered I don't actually like Great Lakes Eliot Ness. I was just really jazzed to be someplace that had Great Lakes.
10:42 PM: Meeting up with @ohhitsjustmeg at Little Bar, the most unGoogleable bar in this city.
12:12 AM: This bar's packed with trendy, pretty girls - but the kind who somehow make me proud to be here wearing Chucks & a t-shirt instead.
12:40: Hazards of hanging out with old friends inlude being reminded of what an unlikeable f*ck-up I used to be. Not loving memory lane tonight.
1:25 AM: I think my quick temper might freak out my friends.
1:45 AM: Bagel sandwich, potato pancakes & a chocolate malt for $5.49. I LOVE THE MIDWEST.
1:58 AM: "Thanks for taking us to Steak & Shake." "Thanks for giving me an excuse to admit to going somewhere I was going to sneak off to anyway."

12:17 PM: Amazing piece of Sanskrit art my aunt made me (watercolor & colored pencil):

1:15 PM: Indy 500: Sucks to wipe out in the first lap. Don't judge me for watching!
1:23 PM: Nothing beats drinking cherry Koolaid & watching the Indy 500 on a sunny day. Waiting for Moraes to wig on Andretti.
2:43 PM: Every single girl on the Stanford Ultimate Frisbee Team could beat the living daylights out of me. And they're all five feet tall.
7:00 PM: I'm ready to go back to DC now. I wish I could teleport.
7:51 PM: I know I tweeted this two days ago, but... I hate everything.
9:03 PM: Step it up, #Cavs. I'm watching from Quaker Steak & Lube, and I want to watch a win while I'm home.
9:46 PM: Quaker belly.

11:06 PM: "Hitch" is NOT comparable to the fourth quarter of the #Cavs game.
11:10 PM: Who's winning?!?! My aunt says it's not on, which can NOT POSSIBLY be true.
11:04 AM: I fashioned some earplugs out of a wet cotton ball & slept like a freaking rock.
11:39 AM: It's pretty clear that Jon & Kate Gosselin can't stand one another. Uhh, that's what you get for having an army's worth of kids.
12:41 PM: I'm going insane. I need to get on the road back to the District immediately.
1:14 PM: My aunts are making plans to travel to Iowa to finally get married!!!!
1:42 PM: The Midwest makes it really easy to be fat.
4:01 PM: Live-tweeting my return to DC. Enjoy! It begins with a kid at a rest stop named Cannon. As in, "Boom!"
4:41 PM: Passed a hitchhiker in West Virginia. Those still exist?!
5:34 PM: It's raining in West Virginia, which sounds like some sort of country song. And speaking of country, decent radio is non-existent out here.
6:31 PM: Fell asleep pretty hard through Maryland. Neck cracked like I was breaking something. Yowza.
7:16 PM: Did Chik-Fil-A really invent the chicken sandwich or is this just a brilliant marketing ploy dependent upon gullible customers?
7:38 PM: My friend is now quizzing her brother on principles of macroeconomics. Pardon me while I zone the eff out.
7:48 PM: Driving into the apocalypse somewhere mid-Maryland, where an epic, Biblical-style storm appears to be brewing.
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