Sunday, July 12, 2009

DC Fashion Week Goes Rogue

It's been awhile since I've presented you with a solid WTF-fashion blog, but I've got a LOT of pictures stockpiled up in this here iPhone, so the time has come. I also want you to know that a Google search for "DC Fashion" yielded the website for DC Fashion Week. Did you know it existed? I sure didn't. Who are we, Paris? Well, hardly. The tagline at the top of the page reads, "Establishing Washington as the Center of International Fashion," & while I'd love to get into the hilarity of this statement, I don't even think its necessary. If you've ever been to DC - or hell, if you've ever met the average poli sci major - you know that, despite Michelle Obama's best(-dressed) efforts, DC has never been & will likely never be a fashion mecca of anything beyond ill-fitting blazers & the occasional seersucker suit.

Cases in point:

  • Hey, Stripes! Muffin top is neither attractive nor comfortable. Save your stomach - & my eyes - the pain of too-tight denim by ignoring the size on the label & buying a pair that, you know, fits. Your digestive system will thank you.


  • There's no quirky name for muffin-topping your upper half, but I promise, the sentiment still stands. The lovely ladies at Nordstrom will be happy to measure you for a bra that doesn't cut off circulation to your ribcage.


  • And speaking of top halves: Men, I cannot understate the usefulness of undershirts.


  • And ladies, I cannot overstate the importance of... sleeves? Straps? Bras? SUPPORT? Not wearing a shirt that resembles half a poorly constructed toga?


  • Despite the previous sentence, I must also stress the importance of NOT wearing a bra as your bathing suit. I know you think you're sneaky, lady, what with that floral pattern & all, but the three-clasp adjustable back strap is a pretty telltale giveaway that you went all Fruit of the Loom on your swimwear. Oh, & so is the fact that it's see-through when wet.


  • Sadly, sometimes even seemingly cute pieces can be fashion don'ts. When purchasing a fluttery top with quirky arm-hole cutouts, for example, please first examine the shirt at all angles on your body. The "armpit hangover" look detracts from even the nicest of pecs.


  • Ah, the old "I've been sitting in bleach all day" look. Always a flattering one, especially in 1992.


  • And for my grand finale, look! I found the Great Pumpkin ordering lunch at Subway!

10 comments:

lemmonex said...

Oh, the pitgina. So cruel, so unfair...so necessary to watch out for.

Shannon said...

So much fail. Sooooo. Much. FAIL.

Piper Jacquelyn said...

OMG why is that guy swamping out so hardcore on his shoulders?! Hopefully someone threw a slurpee at him or something. Great pics, reminds me of Nebraska, ha!

Wearing Mascara said...

LOL I kinda wanna submit this post to glamour magazine...

Dmbosstone said...

I kinda wanna be paranoid of anyone using an iPhone...

thegoodgirlgoneblog.com said...

Very snarky...but in a good way!

Alice said...

first off, i am muy impressed with your surreptitious picture-taking abilities. i can't do it without it being, uh, super obvious.

also: dc fashion week? REALLY? i mean, neat! but... really?

also also: wow. and cringe. and wow.

f.B said...

undershirts are VITAL. why is this so hard to understand?

spleeness said...

This is awesome! I want to see this post in Glamour too.

Armpit fat: ew. Bra girdle: ouch! Sweaty back: mmm, that's hot. lol!!

You should make this a regular feature!

Jason said...

i secretly take iphone pics of horribly dressed people, also. everywhere. thanks for making me feel a little bit better about my actions. i heart this post. hard.

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