Saturday, November 29, 2008

Grandmaisms

I've been in Ohio for nearly a week now, hanging out with the family &, of course, experiencing the joy that is Thanksgiving. My family is (as most are) more than a little bit quirky - we sing in restaurants & we talk about food a lot, & actually, we have very little in common with one another except for singing in restaurants & talking about food a lot.

I love them, of course -- & they're hilarious. My cousin, for example, just gave my aunt, her mother, a birthday card that reads "As You Turn 90." My other aunt got us all electric toothbrushes for Christmukkahgiving (half the fam's Christian, half's Jewish, we so exchange gifts the day after Turkey Day), and my uncle bought us all Blistex & screwdrivers. You know you're an adult when you start getting tools & toothbrushes for the holidays.

My grandma, however, has some of the best one-liners I've ever heard. She doens't mean to be funny -- she just is. Here, I present you with some of this week's best grandma-isms. Enjoy.
  • Annoyed that a group of teens wouldn't scootch to the side of the parking lot row as we tried to locate a parking spot, she exclaimed, "They wouldn't hurry if their butts fell off!"

  • When my curly-haired aunt announced that using "product" had changed her hairstyling life, my grandma asked, “Is that the name of the stuff you use? Product?” (In case you were curious, no. It's not. She uses some Aveda stuff.)

  • In response to my aunt's extreme, menopause-induced hot flashes, she announced, "That never happened to me. I just dried up."

  • After placing the word "QUIT" on our Scrabble board for a none-too-shabby 13 points, she lamented, "Well, it's better than poking a stick in your eye." Aren't most things better than that?

  • As she attempted to convince me to salvage the ¼ of a raw potato I dropped into the trash can while peeling potatoes for mash, she yelled, "Just get it! The trash in that can is NOT dirty.” Isn't that the point of trash cans? Needless to say, I refused to retrieve it.

  • And my favorite... When I asked whether any of our breakfast bagels were plain, she replied, “These are plain, they just have a little stuff on them. They’re called ‘Everything.”’ When I laughingly told her, “Grandma, that’s the exact opposite of plain," she looked a little flustered & reponded, “Well, when you say it like that, it makes me sound a little dumb!”

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Weather Outside is Sort of Frightful

Even if it never snows in the District (30-second flurries DO NOT COUNT, Washingtonians!!!), it sure does get windy, which means I need some warm, cozy scarves to keep myself from Mother Nature's fury. Luckily, I have about 50 gabillion of them back in Ohio (& that's just an approximation). One of them, hand-knitted by my wonderful mother, seems to stretch out a little bit more every single time I wear it. As a result, the scarf is now so long that if it's hanging from my neck (not wrapped, just hanging down), both ends of it touch the ground. I'm about 5'5," which means the scarf is, in total, about 11 feet long - which is absolutely ridiculous.

I mean, just think about it, & let's be real: That is the longest scarf ever.

These pictures don't do justice to the scarf's sheer length, but I thought I'd at least give it a whirl. Needless to say, it's gonna keep the wind out - & if I ever break my collarbone, I can just wrap this thing around myself to wear as a neck brace. Thanks for the multipurpose neck gear, mama!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Apartment Complex is Really Classy, Part III

I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one who finds stray apartmental beer cans amusing and/or blogworthy, but I come home this weekend to find a few more cans than usual in the potted plants on the front step. There's also a Coca-Cola can buried in there, like someone felt bad about being a porch alchoholic & tried to switch it up for a bit.



But in the potted plant on the other side of the stoop was a red party cup, so maybe the Coke drinker was just sipping on a mixed beverage. And smoking, of course. Gotta keep it REALLY classy:



And in the mailroom, one more can, just to top it all off:



I was comforted, though, to see the following scene in the lobby of a friend's (by all standards much classier) apartment building.



It's not just my apartment complex! What a relief.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Election Reflections

Because I never wrote the post-Election Day blog entry that I promised, & because it's probably now too late, I'm just going to post some cool pics of that fateful day that was November 4th, 2008. What a beaut.


***


At brunch at Open City, we got 10% off our check just for voting -- &, presumably, for being Obama supporters, as was evident by our intense accessorizing (& all the waiters'!).



On the walk home, I spotted this lovely sign encouraging Washingtonians to vote -- & to have a midday cocktail for $1!



All Obama'd up for an Election Night viewing party at Cara's



Screen shot I took during our results-watching festivities -- Obama takes Ohio! The home state goes blue! I'm kvelling!


It's getting close... & we are beyond joyful. Look at those faces! (I'm texting, of course...)




And it's OBAMA FOR THE WIN!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

When Karma's Anything but a Bitch

Never underestimate the kindness of absolute strangers in the big city.

Yesterday evening, I left my wallet on an L2 bus on my way home from Adam's Morgan -- my wallet containing two debit cards, two credit cards, my driver's license, my student ID, my SmartTrip card & the key to my office. I spent the next 20 hours or so figuring out the mess -- waiting for the final bus to arrive in the station for a report on whether the wallet was turned it, borrowing $40 from a kindly friend, waking up at the crack of dawn (as though I slept) to check with WMATA lost & found, filing a police report, canceling credit cards, checking with TSA to figure out how to fly home to Ohio sans ID...

And around 6:30 today, a coworker called to tell me that an employee of a nearby Days Inn had found my wallet & was holding it for me. I trekked down to Van Ness to pick it up from Jose, the maintenance man who now has the best karma ever, to retrieve my belongings. And amazingly, everything was returned to me in tact -- including the $80 in cash that I thought I'd lost.

I spent all of last night crying about my lost stuff & my own idiocy, & I spent a couple minutes crying today out of sheer amazement & good luck. I absolutely cannot believe that in a city of this size & this demeanor, I got everything back. I don't speak often of my faith or my feelings on God, but on days like today, I'm just bowled over by the way the world works & the blessings I'm given.

I'm going to buy Jose a gift card, I think, to thank him. I was too stunned at the time to think it through, but I really want to make clear to him how appreciative I am of his rare kindness. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Dawn of a New Era

I have so much to say about the history that was made last night. Unfortunately, I am simply too exhausted to do a damn thing right now. Expect it tomorrow, perhaps. Suffice it to say, I have never, ever been prouder of this country & its voters. I am so proud to be an American, an Ohioan, a Democrat, a Jew, a voter, a volunteer, a liberal - everything. I will be proud to call Barack Obama my President.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Whatever You Do Today...

GO VOTE!!!!



Today is history in the making. Today we choose a new President. After all our hard work & our dedication & our prayers & our steadfast belief that we can & will change America -- with all that & with any luck at all, today we will elect Senator Barack Hussein Obama the next President of the United States of America & we will be goddamn proud. 

This is it, America.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A Sticky Political Situation

My good friend Rebecca, a native Manhattanite, snapped the following photo someplace in the Big Apple. Frankly, I'm quite jealous that I didn't see this sign on my own, in my own city, because this is so blogworthy, & I feel a bit like a cheat posting someone else's photographic experience. That said, this is awesome. I love guerilla art. If I could find this sign online someplace, I'd post it in Dupont Circle myself!

I also love that the McCain-haters plopped their gum right on his eyeballs. It's like the McCain supporters weren't even comfortable enough with their dislike to go all the way in defacing the Big O's likeness.


Wastin' Away Again...


My apartment complex is still really classy:

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