Sunday, September 28, 2008

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Proof That Motherhood's a Tough Business to Be In

In case this photo is unclear, let me explain: This is a photo snapped of a baby's stroller at CVS. You can figure out for yourself what's stored in the bottom of the stroller. And for the sake of feminism, let me note that I'm not sayin' good mamas don't imbibe -- this just struck me as particularly funny. "You need a binkie, honey? Oh, wait, shoot, that's a Yuengling. OK, I know there's one in here someplace..."

Bringing a Whole New Meaning to the Concept of "Breakfast for Dinner"

I've tried some bizarre snack food in my time -- ketchup potato chips, roasted chicken chips, the famous Rap Snacks... but this is a new all-time high. Or low, depending on your taste buds.

Let me clarify that I did NOT purchase (or, as a result, eat) these Combos, which I discovered at the 7/11 in Adam's Morgan. I mean, I like a good brunch as much as the next girl -- maybe more, in fact -- but this is a bit much, don't you think?



"Constant Vigilance" & the Importance of Grammar



Apparently the management at the Chinatown Teaism was trained at the Mad-Eye Moody School of Paranoia. While I appreciate the sentiment & the advice, I can't possibly take such a sign seriously, at least not without hearkening to Hogwarts.

And while we're at it with the crazy signage and the importance of schooling, I present you with an English lesson, courtesy of the bathroom at Georgetown's Bangkok Bistro:


And a zoom on the closing, in case you can't see it:


Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Separation of Church & Street, Part II

Lest you readers begin to think that I am somehow biased against those of other religions, let me assure you that I am an equal opportunity blogger. That is to say, I blog with equal attention to all weirdness, regardless of stream or denomination. A few weeks ago, I blogged about the very creeper JESUS vehicle (driven by the Saviour himself, apparently?) Today, friends, I bring you... THE MITZVAH TANK.



Parked on a busy city street corner, the Mitzvah Tank rang out with lovely Jew-tunes that I could not identify (klezmer?). Although no Lubavitchers were to be found, Chabad's presence was clear by, you know, its name emblazoned across the front bumper. (Do buses have bumpers?)
Although unphotographable from my angle, the side of the Tank read "The Moshiach is Coming - NOW!" which is somehow more than slightly reminiscent of that old bumper sticker, "Jesus is coming -- look busy!" My favorite part of the entire spectacle, though, is that simple line above the windshield, that reads, "Welcome Moschiach!" as though, upon his arrival on Earth, the Christ's first visitation location of choice will be a city bus.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

"The Cult of the Cupcake"

I visited my cousin Emily in the Big Apple last weekend, & she insisted (as though I needed it) upon taking me to the legendary Magnolia Bakery in the West Village. I indulged in a lovely vanilla cupcake with green icing & a pink sugar flower while we sat in the little park across the street. A jubilant-looking 40-something with concave cleavage approached to inform us of an impending performance in said park: "Unison Fetish," featuring the Cupcake Cadet Corps, which celebrated "the Cult of the Cupcake," whatever that may be.

A few minutes later, five girls & one guy pranced down Bleeker in shiny, sequined pink dresses & black dance shoes, singing about the joy of Magnolia & other various sorts of cupcake worship while double-fisting two of the bakery's own dessert delights. The cadets danced for about three songs, at one point smashing their cupcakes in their faces -- one girl got icing stuck up her nose but was so committed to her, um, art that she didn't even break unison formation to wipe it away.
Now that's dedication.



Got milk?

Bow-tied Men Say Things Like This On the Metro:

"That is the curse of the human male -- to compete and to validate both with the father. It is a constant struggle; it is neither good nor bad."

A Tale of Two Cities

Cab in NYC, 3:45 p.m. on Tuesday
My cabbie, a burly native New Yorker, screamed out the window to a woman smoking a cigarette, "I break that curse in Jesus' name! YOU DON'T WANT CANCER!" While I agree with the sentiment, it was a bizarre & borderline terrifying experience, exacerbated by aforementioned driver's inability to, well,
drive. He jolted, he jetted, he darted in & out of others cars, bikes & pedestrians, angering even the most seasoned of New Yorkers. At one point he also yelled to a street vendor wheeling his hot dog cart down the street, "AYYY, I'll take two franks with sauerkraut! AYYY!"

It was the first time in my life that I ever thought, "If I don't remove myself from this situation, I'm going to die." Carsick & scared, I asked to be let out long before we arrived at Penn Station. I paid him & promptly barfed in a Big Apple trashcan before hailing a new (calmer) cab to take me the rest of the way.


Cab in D.C., 8:15 p.m. on Wednesday
Still reeling from the allergies I acquired up in the oh-so-dirty City That Never Sleeps, I caught a cab home from my local CVS after picking up an inhaler.
Cough, cough. My cabbie noted that I sounded a little ill & upon my affirmative response, launched into a litany of get-well-quick tips that he swore would help me conquer my bronchial demons. Hot tea with lemon & honey, of course (drunk both night & day), & lots of sleep & some zinc cough drops, no matter how bad the taste -- but he also offered up a few more off-the-wall suggestions, like taking a very hot shower in the evening & then getting right into bed to capture all my bodily heat... or something to that effect.

When I got out of the cab, he seemed very concerned for my well-being. "Please take care of yourself!" he urged. "Take very good care of yourself!"

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

DC: Where Good Sense Goes to Die

Particularly heinous/noteworthy crimes against humanity include:

  • Allowing your son to grow a long, flowing rattail
  • Wearing a Hawaiian-print dress & pink slippers on a public bus
  • Rocking out to UB40's 1983 smash hit "Red Wine" on the Metro
  • Carrying dangerous weapons and/or nail grooming tools in your buttcrack
And in case you're curious, why, yes, I HAVE witnessed all four of these atrocities within the past 12 hours.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Stop, Collaborate & Listen



See that weird discoloration on the bottom half of my air conditioner vent? Yes, that's ICE. A solid block of frosty, frozen ice
, all crackling & melting as I attempt to cool down my one-room shack.

Somehow, I don't think this is supposed to happen. Every time I turn the A/C on, it sounds like an Alaskan fishing expedition up in here.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Thank you, thank you very much, Hello Cupcake!

Quite some time ago, I blogged about the impending thrill of seeing a cupcakerie open up in Dupont Circle. Well, said establishment, Hello Cupcake, opened up about two weeks ago, & I was one of the many to wait in an hour-long line to try the goods. I've now tried Rootbeer Float, Peanut Butter Blossom, 24 Carrot, Peppermint Penny & the Hello Cupcake Original. For the sake of my hips, I hope you'll bear in mind that the majority of these treats were shared with coworkers. And by "the majority," I actually mean "all." Seriously.

Yesterday, I'd admitted defeat. No matter how badly I wanted to adore Hello Cupcake, I simply didn't. I was deflated.

And then? Today, a coworker needed a travel buddy as she trekked to the south side of Dupont Circle for a little cupcake indulgence. And today, I discovered the love of my life -- VELVET ELVIS.
Spongy banana cake with luscious peanut butter frosting. I am, suffice it to say, smitten. This cupcake was.... who can guess what I'm going to say next?



You got it:
OUTTA THIS WORLD.

Monday, September 1, 2008

A Good Place to Raise a Family

While walking home from Van Ness, where I spent a lovely day poolside, my friend & I passed a young, Aryan-looking entrepreneur manning a lemonade stand. Talk about merch! This kid had two varieties of lemon bev (Country Time and Crystal Light) & offered two sizes (50 cents for a small glass, 75 cents for a large). Even though the large Country Time I bought was far too sweet & a bit difficult to drink whilst walking, I can't tell you how thrilled I was to have run into a small, familiar piece of suburbia right there on Connecticut Avenue.
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