Monday, May 26, 2008

City of Two Seasons: Tourist Season & The Rest of The Year

Next time I have to push my way past tourists at the Woodley Park Metro Station who don't feel the rules of escalator-standing apply to them, this is the conversation I hope to have:
Me: Excuse me. Can you stand to the right so people can pass on the left?
Huffy mother with three kids standing on the left: Excuuuuse YOU! Does it really make a difference?!
Me: It makes a difference if I miss my train.
Huffy mother, getting huffier: Well! Everyone's in such a HURRY!
Me: Enjoy your vacation, lady, but some people actually LIVE here.
Okay, so I have a confession: If you substitute "Me" in that imaginary conversation with "Girl who I walked down the Woodley Park escalator behind yesterday," then the conversation stops being imaginary and actually occured yesterday afternoon.

She's basically my hero.

Friday, May 23, 2008

The Surefire Road to Motion Sickness

Spotted on the bench at the busstop outside my apartment:


Washingtonians sure do love their crappy lager in arenas of public transportation.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Challenges in Living Solo: The Spider Saga

The Warrior:


The Challenger:



The Weapon:


The Collateral:



The Victory:

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Beverage Wars

The Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority has some pretty strict rules about eating & drinking on the district's mostly-very-clean Metro traincars. Rumor has it that a 13-year-old girl was once fined $300 for drinking a Diet Coke on her way home from school.

Yesterday, I stopped to purchase a grande skim iced Chai latte on my way into work (late). Usually I hide such beverage luxuries in my purse during my train ride, but this particular day. I'd decided I didn't much care, & sipped my drink within eyeshot of the viewing public. The cranky old bastard behind me was quick to chime in:

Him: "You know you're not supposed to have that on here."
Me (not turning around to look at him): "Yep."
Him: "Oh, but you're special."
Me: "OK."
Him: "Just don't spill that."
Me: "I wasn't planning to."
Him: "I'm serious, don't spill it."

I wonder how Mr. Citizen's Arrest would've reacted to the sight I witnessed later that evening during my redline trip to Rockville:


Make no mistake, there's still about a centimeter of MGD left in the bottom of that bottle. Classy!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Snark & Social Justice

Environmental conservation? The big city indie movie theatres know how to do it, yo. I'll keep drying my hands on my jeans, but I sure do appreciate the effort.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Wouldn't-Be Nominee Does D.C.

Sen. Hillary Clinton just made an appearance outside my office building, & I am the only person in my office who DID NOT see her.

Damn itttt.

And she waved!

Monday, May 12, 2008

A Word to the Wise & the Wet

To my fellow Washingtonians: Crocs & socks are not equivalent to galoshes.

Enjoy your newly acquired Athlete's Foot.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Bring on the Rain

If you are like me & tend to get caught in the rain without an umbrella, you might, at some point, decide it'd be a good idea to sign yourself up for The Weather Channel's text messaging system, which alerts you to weather goings-on via cellular.

DON'T BE FOOLED. This is not a good idea. I signed up on Friday evening, when D.C. was in the throes of a flash flood warning, & I have since received no fewer than 20 texts regarding pollen count, low temperature threshold &, oh yes, chances of rain.

Between these texts from Weather.com & the ones I'm getting on the daily from Barack Obama, my inbox is, dare I say... flooded?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Jerks Like Art, Too

Tonight Joanna, Jessie & I ventured on over to the National Cathedral to check out Light to Unite, described as "dramatic & unifying images projected on the Cathedral." I expected it to be, as I later told the girls, "Chihuly in light," something like the advertisements, invitations & computer wallpaper suggest. Something like this:



Instead, we watched the smiling faces of random folks pass across the Cathedral in slideshow fashion -- everyday people resembling those portrayed in Noxema ads. Oh, and the Dalai Lama. Needless to say, it was not exactly the dynamo I'd hoped for.

On the upside, we overheard a super-awkward spat that went as follows:

Passive/Aggressive Woman Behind Us: "I can't believe this. People are so rude! We waited three hours for these seats & people are just standing in front of our chairs."
Guy Standing In Front Of Her: "Yeah? How much did you guys pay for these seats?" (turns & leaves)
Not-So-Passive/Just-Aggressive Hubby: "Oh, THAT was a really nice thing to say! EL JERKO!"

It was a lovely interaction to witness at an art exhibit designed to bring people together and, you know, unite. Regardless, "el jerko" is one of the cooler insults I've heard as of late, don't you think?
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